Defining Being

As you may know me.... I try to pen my feelings, with more honesty than with language and grammar. While reading the posts below you may experience what compelled me to write these.
While I was thinking of giving a name to my Blog; this came to me; "Nuances of Being"
Being "Me" is the best that I am at and hope that will show in the posts below

And Thanks for reading

~Nikhil




Monday, October 30, 2017

ग़लती ?






सच्चे भी रहे , अच्छे भी रहे 
पर हम को जताना न आया 
इक बहाने से तुम्हे बहला लेते 
पर हमें बहाना बनाना न आया 


भले थे हम, या कम समझ 
बुरे मगर कभी न थे 
इल्ज़ाम झूठ थे, दिल सच्चा 
पर दिल का दिखाना न आया 



बेरुखी जुल्म था हर लम्हा 
पर तुम पे कोई इल्ज़ाम नहीं  
रंजिश बोल के ज़ाहिर कर दो
हमें यह भी बताना न आया 


सच्चे भी रहे , अच्छे भी रहे 
पर हम को जताना न आया 
इक बहाने से तुम्हे बहला लेते 
पर हमें बहाना बनाना न आया 










Quick Meanings just in case 
इल्ज़ाम - Ilzam - Blame
बेरुखी - Berukhi  - Indifference
रंजिश - Ranjish - Anger, complaint
ज़ाहिर - Zahir - Show, explain

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

How we pray?


How do we pray

can be the difference, just a small story that I tell my kids and let them decide which prayer is more likely to he heard

Situation: Two bald men desperate to get their hair back. They both pray to God to get the hair back. Few days later both win a special prize in sweepstakes. When the package is delivered, it is a beautiful, elegantly carved and a very expensive looking wooden comb. Their prayers after receiving the gift are here....


(1) Oh God! How can you be so cruel? When you knew I am bald, why give me the comb? Why have you made fun of my baldness when I was asking you to cure it? And he cries. Should have never asked you for this if I knew even you will make fun of me, he sobs before ending his complaint laden prayer.


(2) Wow God! You are so kind. Giving the comb to bald me. I know soon you will give me hair enough to enjoy this comb. I am grateful as always and ready to receive the next grant from you. I am humbled by your generosity and your care. And I like your sense of humor, at giving me comb before hair. He winks, bows his head and smile as he ends his prayer.

Sunday, October 15, 2017

The Villain, The Victim, The Hero and The Bystanders

I was flying from Detroit to Washington DC. The flight was supposed to be full and the boarding started on time. 22 minutes before the departure time, they closed the gate as every one was on board. Well, almost everyone.

The cockpit door was still open, the gate agent was handing the papers over and the air hostess was warming up to make announcements. Suddenly a young man in his late twenties rushed towards the front. Please, they are on the gate, please let them in, they are old and do not speak any English; he pleaded. Yes Sir, but the gate is closed, the air-hostess said apologetically. I understand that madam, but please, there is still 20 minutes to the departure time, and it will be no more than 5 minutes for them to come in and get settled.

That is right, the air-hostess said and looked towards the gate agent, as if transferring the plea to him to let the two old souls in. But the gate agent would not listen, he would not move, he would not allow. All the requests fell on deaf ears of a rude rule book waving man, who  appeared extremely insensitive and arrogant to most. 20 minutes before the departure the gate closes, that is the rule; he said with more arrogance than authority. Both the air hostesses had pleaded and the young man begged, cried and apologized, but he will not listen. The captain of the flight, left his seat and walked out of the cockpit, a man with white hair and a very gentle face, he smiled and repeated, “let them in please, I assure you it will not take more than 5 minutes for us to settle them and in any case, we cannot leave gate for another 13 minutes so no harm will be done. The result, same as before. The captain’s requests were ignored as the others, with same authoritarian arrogance.

The group with which these 2 old folks outside were, stood up, a mighty 26 people team (in an less than 80 seater plane). Do let them in or let us out, they all requested politely, and then demanded with more force. Some sounding frustrated and even angry. Please they are old, they don’t speak English, they will miss their flight connection to their country and they are diplomats too, you can not leave them here, the 1st young man repeated request.

Nothing could be done, the gate agent had all right to let them in but he would not listen. I requested you to announce their names, and you declined, the young man roared at the gate agent, I told you they will not understand the announcement in English so announce their names, you said no. He almost roared with anger building up. But the gate agent turned and walked out. And they were not even late at the gate, he yelled to an indifferent gate agent.

As soon as he left the scene, another elderly man from 1st class seats, looked at the air hostess in the eye, and roared, Call the marshal and get them all thrown out. If the gate agent was arrogance personified, then this person was oozing hate towards those who were being forced to leave 2 elderly folks from their group. Those two certainly would be lost in a foreign land, which speaks a language they don’t. Call the Marshal now, he roared again as he started to get up from his seat. Please sit-down Sir, the air hostess said in a soft yet stern voice. And you gentlemen, please take your seats, we know how you feel and you have seen we tried. But there is nothing more that we can do at this time. Please sit so that we can take you and the rest of the passengers to their destination. Call the marshals, the old man kept on saying, sounding more like an arrogant preschooler now than a man in his sixties that he must have been.

Pleading, requesting, assuring, the two air hostesses were able to calm the 26 men down and settle them to their seats. The cockpit was closed and the airplane started towards the runway, but we had lost 30 minutes in this commotion. All it would have taken 5 minutes that too well before the departure time, if the gate agent had shown some humanity. But 26 heartbroken foreigners, 30 wasted minutes and 2 lost older people later we started. Just because 1 person who was in the seat of authority had his arrogance more important than humanity. And people who spoke a language different from him did not deserve any human treatment in his book of rules.

I, like the other bystanders (or passengers in the plane) were sitting, thinking but never speaking out.  Days later, I still have some guilt from being a bystander who had an opinion, but didn’t voice it. My request to all my co-passengers from that flight, it is not too difficult to be on the right side, be human in situations like this. But the problem of being politically correct instead of being human has plagued us all.

Introducing the Cast
The Hero (es)    :
ü  Airhostess 1 : The shorter one, who claimed to have small arms, and who laughed from her heart
ü  Airhostess 2: The Taller one who was happy to serve drinks without ice , and smilingly accepted that they were low on ice
ü  The Captain: Who looked like a hero from a movie in 80s with his white hair and cowboy boots (by the way those boots had awesome embroidery)

The Victim:
ü  Two old folks who couldn’t board the plane
ü  One young man who kept on pleading
ü  Few of the team of 26 (Not all as some of them were just angry and not really sounded concerned)

The Villain:
ü  Gate Agent; who could be 1% human and that would have changed the whole thing
ü  The Old guy from 1st class: Imagine your parents stuck in a country where they don’t understand the language and a gate agent denying them the flight with people who could help. Would you still ask to call the marshals for those who try to help them in that case? Just think

The bystanders:
ü  All passengers: No one may know you, like no one knows me as we didn’t play our parts, sadly.

PS: 2 Statements that I may have made in some previous posts all will repeat below
1)      A democracy is always weakened by the bystanders who are too afraid of stating their opinion.
2)      People who don’t take sides during moral debates are always on the wrong side; like a car set in neutral gear will always slip towards the slope and cause damage to self or someone else
PPS: I intentionally didn’t mention the Airline as this is not against the airline, or the race of anyone from above cast as it is not about that too. This is just about us about humans.



Thursday, October 5, 2017

Thats how Fear Manifests

I just posted this a few days back in hindi and then some of my friends asked me to translate. Having verbally translated for a few, I decided I will post the translation here.

This is from the tresses of time, pre-adolescent days. The memory is a bit wrinkled with age.
One day after school, as usual a few of us went to the ground to play cricket, and suddenly a friend suggested, why not ditch cricket today and pick mangoes from the trees near the cricket ground. The suggestion was accepted with no resistance and most of us started climbing the mango trees in no time.

The mangoes, that were appearing within reach when seen from the ground, seem to have moved a few branches up while climbing the tree. Just then from a dark corner of mind a fear flashed, what if I fall? The fear manifested itself as quickly as it has flashed, with my buddy on the next branch losing his grip and taking me with him on the fall. After all what are friends for.

Not sure how many bones would have cracked on falling on the firm surface, when a branch generously granted asylum to our hands, so we were hanging on the tree, both me and my buddy.

Eyes shut hard with fear, as if opening them will force open our grips too. Fear was making my heart cry, but no tears were coming out of the eyes. Was just hanging there, too afraid to speak, even more afraid to open the eyes, as someone from below suggested, “let go, you will be fine”; “don’t listen to him,” my friend yelled, “he already has a broken leg, he wants us to have the same.”

Years passed since that incident, and I could not understand till date, why I never opened my eyes.

So, what seemed like an eternity, me and my friend were hanging from that branch. Eventually, fingers started getting stiff and palms started getting blistered. I still don’t know if I left the branch at that time or if the numbing fingers let the branch go without any permission from brain.
As soon as the hands were off the branch, there was a miracle, my feet stood firm on the ground. Not sure for a moment, if I was always just a few inches above the ground or if the ground got generous and moved above when my hands let go the branch. If I had opened the eyes before, The hands could have saved the blisters. But fear never allowed to open the eyes. Hands were hurting and I was cursing myself, while laughing at the stupidity of my fearful mind. Fear manifests in many forms. Stupidity is one of those forms, that I realized on that occasion.


My friend was still hanging on the branch, if his hands were not hurting as much yet, or his fear was stronger than mine, I will never know. I sat under the shade of tree looking at my hands and waiting for my friend to let go of the branch. I could have asked him to come down, but his fear would never have let him listen to me. As I had learnt fear manifests in many forms.

Epilogue
Many times, still fear makes us hang in situations, disallowing to open the eyes and not letting the hands give up the grip.  So, till the blisters and the hurt has reached its maximum, we keep on hanging. The surface feels too far, however close it maybe. When pain forces the hands to let go, fear channels even more morbid feelings. And then mind laughs at its being naïve against the fear’s tricks. After all fear manifests in many forms.