Happy Holidays ! But How???

Ah finally!! Christmas celebrations are over. I heard him sigh as he sunk in the couch. Not sure if he had said what I thought he had, I continued looking at his face with a surprised smile pasted on my face, which must have made me look very awkward or even stupid. Whaattt? He continued with slight annoyance. Don’t you feel tired during holidays? So many things to do, so many items to finish, so many people to please and one mistake will ruin things till the next holiday season, and then add more stress at the next holiday season.

I started thinking what he had just said, and he was right. We may try to mask it under the celebrations and festivities, but in reality the festivals have become very stressful lately. Wait; why blame holidays? They didn’t become anything different from what they always have been; we have made them very stressful. Showoff over celebration is the primary culprit. “Social pressure” as many of us try to pin the blame on Society; to plead our own innocence. However that is even worse; how can you change the situation if you have no control over it?

An honest introspection will reveal the problem and may also show a hint of the solution.

Before I go into that let me tell you what happened this Christmas for me. I knew there were days off coming, but due to work and other reasons; I had not planned anything. No gifts, no party, no outing with the family on the 3 days after Christmas that were supposed to be extended holiday. So the stress was built no doubt. I was seeing a very Uncaring father and an equally Ungrateful husband in the mirror.

On December 23^rd after office I just took a detour to the store while coming home. When I stepped inside the store I didn’t know what to do. I thought what my kids would like to have as a gift, nothing came to mind. Then I started thinking of what they have been doing lately. The older one was reading a popular book series and loving it, and the younger one was always goofing around with his newly discovered alphabet knowledge (he is a preschooler). I think I knew what may work. After a few minutes in the store, I had the DVDs for movies based on the book series that my older son was reading. Of course I didn’t get the Bluray or the extended versions et al that I usually want in my movie collection these days. But something is better than nothing was the mantra. And after that there was this set of books for preschoolers with Disney characters.

I was not thrilled but at least felt a little better when I looked in mirror the next time. Then I picked some cosmetics stuff for my wife, no knowledge of cosmetics, but the thought should count; isn’t it?

Let us make sure that they are happy, I told my wife later that night, pointing towards the kids, that is what holidays are all about. And she agreed. It is a blessing to have an understanding spouse. So we both agreed on just a couple of decorative light strings that too inside the house. It looked pretty, in a very subtle way. So I was feeling that most of the battle is won and I was feeling not as stressed. But the party was still missing from the list and it was too late to arrange for any.

As they say, when you do good things; good things happen. A day before Christmas my wife received a call from one of our friends, around 4PM, suggesting a surprise party to celebrate a common friend’s birthday. But I was tired and my neck was stiffened during the decorative light arrangement so I couldn’t drive. That is fine we can have the party at your house, they suggested and we agreed. So Christmas Eve was fun, good dinner (not lavish in any way but good), excellent company of friends and lots of fun games that kids played in the basement. So everyone retired to bed way past mid-night after the guests were gone.

Morning of Christmas started bit late but excited. Kids were excited as they wanted to see what gifts Santa had left them and I was excited to see how they will react to the gifts. Their happiness turned my anxiety into joy as well. I learnt that my son didn’t care at all about the movie format and extended versions. The little one was happy counting his books in the set and talking about the characters on the cover pages. My wife didn’t even have to look at her gifts as the joy on kids’ faces was gift enough for her. So I sat with my book looking at all this smiling and ready to face the mirror more confidently that day.

Also I learnt this (and am sharing with you below);

·          Holidays are to celebrate not to sweat.

·         Celebration and joy are measured in quality and quantity of laughs and not in the size of decorations, monitory value of gifts or even the expanse of the dinner menu.

·         Best way to enjoy a party is having an impromptu party.

·         “Giving gifts” is good, “exchanging gifts” makes it more business-like and holiday season is to avoid such business.

·         Social pressure is a perceived notion; it is totally based on one’s perception, and has no more reality to it than one’s own perception.

·         Less elaborate party means less cleaning requirement (and hence mean more quality time) the next day.

·         Food ordered from restaurant on such a party may taste equally good as food prepared in home.

Next year the same festivals will come, there will be Diwali and the Thanksgiving and Christmas and many more based on the faith one follows or region one lives in; but celebration for any of these is more or less the same and the stress that is built is more of less the same, so the remedy can be more of less the same. (Another reason why we All are more or less the Same, in spite of the regions we live in or the faiths we follow.) Some issues and their solutions are universal and that is what binds us…but that is another topic altogether…for another day maybe…for now Happy Holidays and Happy Pre Holidays and Happy Post-Holidays.......

Note: Happiness and Stress never stay together

IF I could Choose....

Few months ago I wrote about life being a result of how and what we chose. Sharing some choices in conflicting situations...this list keeps on getting edited

What will I chose?

Being nice or being honest	I will mostly chose the 2nd  (And mostly repent later)
Politically Correct or Correct	I will mostly choose the 2nd   (again to repent later)
Caring or concerned	I will go for the 1st one
Brave or Responsible	This is a tough one, and after a lot introspection I will chose the 2nd
Scared or Courageous	I will choose the 2nd (if it was afraid instead of Scared my answer could have been different)
Spiritual or Religious	Hands down 1st  will be my choice
Serve or Being Served	A majority of times 1st
Pray or Celebrate	Another difficult one but I may chose 2nd
Play or Sleep	Mostly I will chose 1st
Work or Rest	1st comes naturally (though painfully sometimes)
Listen or Argue	I will choose 1st
Lead or Collaborate	Very situational, but I will choose 1st whenever 2nd fails (or has potential to fail) Lead by Collaboration is the Mantra

While we are it, just borrowing some time less wisdom from Sir Isaac Newton and applying it to Life

Laws of motion at Workplace (or school…or community…or…. )

1^st LAW: Law of Inertia: To make anything happen, you need to put effort…no effort no results (there are no shortcuts)

2nd LAW: Mass and Acceleration: Bigger the problem, more the Effort needed to solve it. Crying and Complaining does not count towards Effort

3rd LAW- Action and reaction: No action no reaction; so having no reaction may be an indicator of lack of action.

....More..From the back of my Notebook....

I scribble things at the back of my notebook to keep me anchored during the storms encountered daily. Shared some of those in an earlier post last year (http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2013/03/back-of-my-notebook.html) sharing some more here……… I think I need look into  these myself a lot……………

~Respect is mutual, irrespective of age, relationship or position (So is Disrespect)

~Love cannot be measured, as when one feels the need to measure it, it means it is lost already

~People who are most important and least complaining are usually the ones we hurt the most, watch for that limit on taking someone for granted (and appreciate genuinely the people whom you can really take for granted)

~People who don’t take sides during moral debates are always on the wrong side; like a car set in neutral gear will always slip towards the slope and cause damage to self or someone else

~No one ever hugs a Porcupine; however cute it looks

~Not having a “facebook worthy” life in current age can be painful (believe me I have felt it)

~I can do good only in areas that I have my interest in; otherwise whatever attempt I make is never enough to exalt

~I can learn a lot about life by watching little children play (provided I don’t interfere in their games)

~The more I look at the scorecard the less I score, no matter what game I am playing

~ Lonely and Alone are very different; I have been alone many times and not felt lonely

~Everything does happen for a reason, not every reason has to favor me

~Life is what we live and not what we plan

~Dreams don’t have handles to hold on to; try to give them wings to keep them afloat

~Fairytales are as real as every day’s newspaper

~If you cannot find it in yourself; you cannot find it anywhere in the World that is the simple equation of Peace

ज़िद्दी लम्हे

An ode to some memories. May bring some memories alive for the friends, especially from college and school days



साल दर साल, शहर दर शहर पिछले किनते युगो जैसे लम्बे सालो में हर दिन, कितने लम्हे? हर लम्हा कुछ नया सिखाता और कुछ पुराना भुलाता। 

हम चल रहे हैं, रोज़ कुछ सीखते और कुछ भूलते; कुछ साथ ले लेते और कुछ पीछे छोड़ देते और चलते रहते । 

हर नयी बात, हर नया लम्हा किसी पुरानी बात, पुराने लम्हे के एवज में ले कर, रोज़ की खरीद फरोख्त के बाद हर शाम का नफा नुक्सान नापते हुए रात बिताते और अगले दिन चलने के लिए तैयार होते । 

पर फिर भी, इस सीखने-भूलने, थामने -छोड़ने के बीच में कहीँ, कुछ पल, कुछ लम्हे हैं जो हिले नहीं ।बस जहां थे वही थम गए, बस उसी तरह जिस तरह थे, न चले, न बदले, न ही अपने एवज में किसी और को आने दिया । 

ऐसा ही एक लम्हा कही जम्मू में अकाफ-मार्किट की burger वाली दुकान में बैठा  है तो दूसरा उधमपुर के पास चोपड़ा-शॉप की किताबों की दूकान के पास वाले शहतूत के पेड़ से खट्टे-मीठे शहतूत तोड़ रहा है 

और वहां Engineering  College , New Boys Hostel  से College जाने वाले रास्ते पे कोई लम्हा घाटी में उतरती पगडण्डी तो नाप रहा है, ताकि भाग के उतारते हुए गिर कर घुटने ना फुड़वा ले । वही दो चार अलग अलग लम्हे, Hostel के दीवार से लगी बड़ी Light के बिना कारण जलने भुझने पर बिना कारण ही हस रहे हैं, उनके बीच वह एक लम्हा उसी Light को देख कर उदास खड़ा है क्यों की आज College का आखिरी दिन है, अब शायद यह बे-बात की  Light  और बे-बात की हंसी कभी नहीं दिखेगी । सिद्धार्थ के ब्रेड पकोड़े और बिरयानी चखते हुए उस वेटर को देख कर अब भी हंस रहे हैं 

कुछ लम्हे तो सफर में है, फिर भी वही के वही; ST की बस में Hostel से City  जाते हुए हिचखोले खा रहे लम्हे, और झेलम एक्सप्रेस के Sleeper Class की सीटों पे बेवजह हक़ जताते  हुए कुछ ढीठ लम्हे ।वहि दूसरी ओर कर्नाटका एक्सप्रेस के डब्बो के बीच की पुलिया से गुज़रते हुए, सफर में फिर भी सालो से वहीँ के वहीँ । और एक-आध तो अभी भी दौण्ड जंक्शन के खानावल में थाली से आचार का स्वाद चख रहा है । और वह एक कुर्डुवादी की गरमा-गरम इडली चटनी को केले के पत्ते पर ले कर भागते हुए Train पकड़ता हुआ लम्हा । 

वही CEDT की कैंटीन के पीछे Table Tennis के match के बाद बिना बात  ठहाके  लगाता हुआ लम्हा अब भी उतना ही बेपरवाह, बेखबर और बेबाक। 

यह फहरिस्त उस रुके हुए लम्हों की, काफी लम्बी है ।ऐसे ही पहाड़ो, घाटियों, बसों,-ट्रेनों, समुद्र किनारे, पार्क के बेंचो पर, चाय के ठेलो पर,Airport की  Waiting Lounge में, सुस्ताते, खेलते, चहकते, डरते, रोते, कितने ही ऐसे लम्हे जो हमेशा से वही अपना हक़ जताए खड़े हैं । 

जब मैं रोज़ के नफा नुक्सान से थक जाता हूँ, तो इन में से किसी एक जिद्दी लम्हे में जा कर उसे फिर से जी लेता हूँ । 

यह बेपरवाह, रुके हुए, ज़िद्दी लम्हे सालों के बाद भी जहाँ थे, वही खड़े हैं फिर भी हमेशा इतने करीब की जब चाहे इन्हे छु लूँ ।  

मेरे इन लम्हों के बहुत सारे साथी कही आगे निकल गए है, बड़े हो गए है व्यस्त हो गए हैं; कुछ मेरी ही तरह । रोज़ का नफा -नुक्सान हम सब जो अलग अलग दिशा में ले जाते हुए अलग अलग दुनिया में ले आया है । अब भी जब मैं इन लम्हों को छूता हूँ तो सोचता हूँ की क्या उन साथियों को वह छुवन महसूस होती होगी? 

डरता हूँ की कही किसी दिन अगर यह लम्हे, चल निकले या नफा -नुक्सान के बोझ में दब कर ग़ुम गए तो मैं अपने थकन के पलों में कहाँ छुपूंगा?

यह लम्हे मेरे medals , मेरी ही तरह जिद्दी, मेरी ही तरह ठहाके लगाने को आतुर और मेरी ही तरह कही बहुत पहले रुके हुए। ..........  मेरे ज़िद्दी लम्हे । 

जानता हूँ हर कोई अपने दिल में ऐसे ही लम्हों का खजाना छुपाये बैठा है । मेरे लम्हे बाँट रहा हु, ताकि आप अगर अपने उस खजाने को बहुत देर से नहीं मिले तो रुक कर एक बार उसे मिल लें, कुछ भोले लम्हों को छू कर उनकी ओस सी ठंडक ले कर आज की नफा-नुक्सान बही बंद करें, इस से शायद कल और भी सुहाना हो । 

मेरा यह सन्देश उन दोस्तों के नाम जिन्होंने इन लम्हों में रंग भरा। 

The Porcupine

I was walking in the evening near the playground where all the kids from the neighborhood gather in the evening and play. I have always seen the tall kid who seems to be much better player than others on almost anything they play. However other thing I had noted is that he usually screams at the kids not playing well and also mocks them for their lack of skill. That day I saw this superstar kid sitting in a corner away from the others and softly sobbing. When asked he told me that they all stop playing when he goes there. He complained that it was unfair on their part. So I thought I will tell him one of my stories. Below is a summary of that story; you may like the story irrespective of the ‘age’ and ‘game’ you are in.

Once there was a farmer who had a lot of compassion for the animals. He raised cows, Sheep, roosters and ducks. He would always feed them good food and take good care of them. He even knew a good deal of medicines to cure if God forbid one of them ever went sick. 

One day he thought that why only these animals, he should rather help all animals. So if he sees a sick rabbit in the fields he will bring it home and take care of it, some of these animals would never leave his house. So over a course of a few months his house became a small zoo with rabbits, Geese, Mice, doves and even a small antelope living in his house. The kids from village would come and play with the animals.

One night it rained heavily and in the morning while going to his field he saw a small baby porcupine lying half-conscious in a puddle. His compassionate heart went out for the poor animal. He tried to look around for the Porcupines parents but they were washed away in the recent rains. So he brought the porcupine home and nurtured it till it was healthy and started growing.

With the time and care it grew in to an adult with shiny and strong Quills. The quills were intimidating by themselves but the fear they caused was compounded by the anger that mister Porcupine could not control. Very often it will be angry on trivial things resulting in his quills rising on his back like a million pointed spears.

Soon the animals and the little kids who used to come to farmers house to play with the animals go so afraid of the Porcupine that no one would come near it. They all will wave from a distance. Even farmer’s daughter will leave its food a little far always afraid that it may harm her.

All this added to Porcupines unrest and anger and one day having had enough of un-love; the Porcupine stormed to the farmer and screamed “Bunny gets all the cuddling and the hugs and I get the neglect. I need to be treated equally.”

The farmer looked at the Porcupine with surprise and sorrow in his eyes; I wish I could help, he sighed. They can’t cuddle you because you don’t have furry back to pat or cuddle; and that is how you have been made by nature. So nothing can be done on that. However if you could just control your anger and don’t shoot up those quills as spears on everyone, that may help. You are different from those furry animals; if only you could use those differences as your strength instead of comparing and trying to be like the rabbits. The farmer concluded.

The porcupine understood and immediately decided to drop its anger. Slowly and with effort, it was able to control the anger and become very gentle. The kids started coming near it and the rabbits started playing with it (from a safe distance). But the biggest change came when the Porcupine understood the strength its quills bring. Now the porcupine is officially the protector of all the animals and the little kids who come to play in farmer’s house. They all tell how the Porcupine has scared the fox away with a display of his sharp speared quills and his mock anger (it doesn’t get angry anymore for real)

Farmer fondly tells the story to everyone about the Porcupine who complained that the Bunny gets all the cuddling and hugs while the porcupine gets none. And everyone laughs, even the Porcupine.

Moral of the Story: If we could learn to use our strengths instead of comparing our weaknesses against other’s strengths, or mocking at other's weaknesses; we can do a lot good to our surroundings but above all we can do a lot good to ourselves!

Choices (Choose Wisely !!!)

 The bedside clock was showing it in bold amber, I don’t know what woke me up; but my original plan was to wake up at 6AM.  I chose to stay in bed for another 30 minutes instead of getting up for workout. But I couldn't go back to sleep.

After a few minutes I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and thinking that even before the day started for me it presented me with situation where I had to make a choice. And that keeps on going hour after hour day after day making millions of choices big small and in-between.

Shower now or go to Gym, cardio or strength, bread or cereal and so on; even before the work day starts

Change lane or stay, honk the aggressor or ignore, park in the basement or close to office door.

And then at work Confer or confront in the discussion, accept or ignore the suggestion, change or move with the flow, take sides or stay neutral,  offer help or wait for request, proactive or reactive or Zen.

I look at the mirror again and smiled. I felt very commanding with the authority to make choices. With this thought I lathered my face to shave off the stubble that had built up during my travel. But as razor worked on my face revealing the skin under the stubble; it struck me like lightening. What happens when I chose wrong?

And it was obvious, Not that only I make my Choices; My Choices in turn Make ME

The power, that I had felt a few minutes ago, dissolved with this new found insight. While dissolving it made way for another sentiment. Responsibility!

 As I have read in a book (and loosely quote here) “Responsibility - The ability to Choose your response to the situations life presents” 

I have written this line many times, but for the 1^st time I used a bold lettered “CHOOSE” as that gives sense to the entire teaching.

Self-reminder “Always Choose wisely” because

I make my CHOICES and my CHOICES make ME !!

Also Posted at http://timesofindia.speakingtree.in/public/spiritual-blogs/seekers/self-improvement/choices-choose-wisely 

So Long Comics King

“Hiding them in the school bag, hoping that parents or teachers do not find out….” Number of times I have done that and most of my friends did it too. Comics, something that made us fly in our imagination as kids. Comics that made us laugh and smile even scared. Comics that we held so dear, reading them, exchanging them, trying to mimic the characters and even struggling to convince parents (some time teachers too) to dress up as a favorite comic character in the fancy dress competitions instead of a famous politician or sport star.

We rarely had the Marvel or Spectrum versions, but we never missed them. Who needs a superhero from another country when you have your own Chacha Cahudhary (whose brain processes faster than the computer) with his Saboo (the Giant from Jupiter, Volcanos explode on nearby planets when Saboo gets angry) and Rocket (the cute dog) and a whole bunch of sinister yet silly villains. There was the sweet and plump chachi and many more. Biloo, who multiple times, appeared and acted just like me or my friends. And Pinki the girl next door.

There were so many stories, so many situations. Millions of laughs and giggles for many years just got silent today to say goodbye to the creator of all these characters and the sweet stories that are a part of millions of Indians childhood.

Pran Sir as you had said"If I could put a smile on the face of people, I would consider my life successful"You have been extremely successful as you had put millions smiles on millions of faces for so many years. Millions of us who grew up in India in 80s and later salutes your Very successful life today.

Rest in Peace and I am sure heaven dwellers will have some great stories to hear and some good laughs, now that you are there.

PS: My day started with reading this sad news of the death of Mr. Pran. And have decided to read a few Chacha Cahudhary comics later in the day to make me smile; grief will not be the right goodbye to him

 

The Vision

Today I saw it again; and I want to share. When you read you may understand what I mean or you may find it totally absurd. But something so profound (at least as I felt it) is worth sharing (even at the risk of being laughed at by someone) 

Share your thoughts and please share if you ever had a vision similar in nature....

I could see it; all lush green as far as my gaze took me. I was standing on the edge of the cliff, with the valley smoothly dropping under my feet. From the top what I see is probably millions of trees filling every inch of the valley like a vast spread of fluffy green clouds, so beautiful and so inviting. The Valley had a very steep drop for a few hundred feet after which it curled in to the fluffy slide, just like the one that children play on; but stretched to miles.

 
Usually being at an edge would scare me, but now it didn't. The color and the aura around everything is so generous that I am not scared. I can’t even think of fear, depth, safety or anything of that nature. I am just happy, felling blessed, and warm as if the green iridescent is not just from the scape around me but also coming out of my body. I want nothing as that time as I know I am a part of this place, this scene. The scene that is so beautiful, so invigorating and so alive. I don't want to move from there.

Sitting at the edge continue being one with the scene. I am a shrub at the edge of the cliff, my roots deep in the soil, looking down. . 
Don't know if I have been this and if I have been here for a moment or for a millennia, but I know I am here.

Don't know what snapped me into my seat in the airplane, thousands of feet above ground.
I know I was not dreaming that hill, that valley, that vibrant green color, that cloud of the tree tops is somewhere and wherever it is; there am I. The person who I am now writing this or the shrub at the edge of the cliff, I don't know. All I know is that was not a dream. That was at least as real as this present moment is, if not more.
I didn't close the eyes attempting to go back there, because where ever that is I am already there. The vision was just a reminder.

ज्यादा है; ज्यादा की ज़रुरत है

In this era of fast moving technology, smart gadgets, readily available information and almost automatic life; at times heart misses the beauty that can be only seen when going slow. In seventies and eighties when the foundation of today's life was being laid, many movies talked about the need to be slow. Especially Gulzar Sahab's "दिल ढूंढ़ता है फिर वही फुर्सत के रात दिन" or "थोड़ा है थोड़े की ज़रुरत है "

The Poem below is a humble attempt to see where we have come from that time now that trying to find फुर्सत के रात दिन is seen as an escapist mindset and थोड़ा है as a reason to be ashamed of....... 

Please comment; maybe I am wrong in my assessment through this poem; but tell me if I am. Also for all of you who from time to time want to take it slow and who really look for those वही फुर्सत के रात दिन; बैठे रहें तस्सवुरे जाना किये हुए.........

थोड़ा है थोड़े की ज़रुरत है; ज़िन्दगी फिर भी यहाँ खूबसूरत है 

ज़्यादा की चाहत ने अब तक 

कितना ज़्यादा भटकाया है 

जो मिला उसका भी मोल न समझा 

जो न मिला उसने रुलाया है 

अपने हाथ में, अपने घर में 

जो भी हो लगता थोड़ा है 

दूजे से आगे बढ़ने को  

हर कोई घर से दौड़ा है 

हम खुद तो इस में शामिल थे ही 

अब अगली पीढ़ी को भी घसीट रहे 

कंप्यूटर, टीवी, उनको दे  कर 

उनके परीक्षा-फल का भी दम पीट रहे 

ज्यादा है पर  और भी ज्यादा 

की ज़रुरत लगती है 

ख़ुशी कहा पे मिल पायेगी (यह पहेली)

दिल को ठगती है 

ज़िदगी थकी हुई है पर 

उस पर रंग लीपा करते है 

मेरे पास है "उस "से ज़्यादा 

यही खोखला दम भरते है 

ज़्यादा के नीचे दबा सा जीवन 

बदहाल, खोखला, बदसूरत है 

कहाँ गई वोह दुनिया जहाँ  

थोड़ा है  ; थोड़े की ज़रुरत है 

क्यों कि 

ज़िन्दगी फिर भी वहाँ  खूबसूरत है