NEW DAWN is all Yours

“Raat ke baad naye din ki Seher aayegi; Din nahi badlega tareekh Badal jayegi”

The famous line from the poet “Nida Fazli” just started repeating itself in my mind a few minutes ago. Among the wishes for a “happy new year” that is going to start in a few hours, these lines were telling a story that the day, the week, the month and even the year turning will not change anything, the days will remain the same; the date certainly will change.

For a few minutes I was sad, and getting angry at the sorting mechanism in my brain to pull out such lines from the tresses of the grey matter on a day when I want to not only be positive, but also spread positivity around me. Why while searching for a positive message to share I was handed these lines by my brain? And then I realized it is indeed a great message for me, for you and for everyone.

Raat ke baad naye din ki seher aayegi – After the night will come the dawn of a new day

Din nahi badlega; Tareekh badal jayegi – The Day may not change though the date will certainly change.

The promise is of a New Dawn. The reality is change of date. But the day may remain same. As the day will not be changed by those who make calendar (date changers) or the big guy in sky who made the New Dawn. The day is our personal gift, our own responsibility. Day is our canvas, our easel, our page to write our own story. That is the core of the concept of Free will which most religions talk about. The Big Guy in sky’s ultimate promise, “you make your own days.”

Without stretching it more all I will say is that the new day is a new page, write the story that you enjoy. Write the story that you can be proud of when you visit it at a later date. The new day is a blank canvas and if you look inside you, you have all the colors in all their hues. Paint the masterpiece that you can proudly display on the walls of memory for all eternity. The New Year starting in a few hours will be a book full of blank pages, a box full of blank canvas. Be your own legend and write your own stories, weave them in the stories of the people around you. Create the masterpieces and display with proud.

The promise is that “Raat ke bad Naye din ki seher aayegi” – There will be a new dawn after the night and that is a given.

And the date will change that is a given too. The day changes or not is based on how you play your own part on the stage.

So I will wish you a new year where you get all the strength and vision and opportunity to play your part in a way that it shapes your next day (and all the days ahead) as you want. A New year to create more personal legends and more stories to proudly remember and share. A new year to enjoy and love and be loved.

I wish that you make yourself an Awesomely Blessed New Year!!!!!

Light Bulb - A lesson in customer service

“Would you mind changing my room?” I asked. Though I think I was very polite in asking given the circumstances, but I knew my frustration was still showing through the politeness of my request. Well of course Sir, I will send someone with the new room keys and details, and sincere apologies for your trouble, he responded.

While I wait for the ‘someone’, I will tell you the chain of events in last 5 minutes that ended with the call. I was on a business travel, had a long day when I reached the hotel at 10PM. The check in process was quick and friendly and I dragged myself to the room, with a plan of taking a shower, having some green tea and then some critical email responses before I sleep. Stepping in the room I was so longing to start as planned. Then I switched a lamp, it didn’t come on, bad bulb, I guessed and moved to the 2^nd lamp in row and switched that. And the room was still dark. My plan obviously was shattered, I had decided that it was an issue bigger than a bad bulb, may be the wiring in the room or trip switches.  Not having time or patience to troubleshoot, I stumbled to the phone and called front desk.

“Hi I just checked in and my room lamps are not working, can you give me a different room?” I demanded. “Sir, let me send the electrician with a few spare bulbs and see what is wrong, it might be a bad bulb.” The gentleman at the front desk said in a cheerful voice. “I tried multiple lamps, so I think it is more than just a bad bulb, what is the possibility of multiple bad bulbs at the same time.” I said, concealing my frustration and added without waiting, “Would you mind changing my room?” “Well Of Course Sir” he said and 2 minutes later instead of anyone else he was standing outside my room with a new room key and he helped move my stuff. All well in the new room and I ended executing on my plan.

Why am I telling this story? Because it continued on the next day.

I left the hotel early in the morning and after a long day I reached back my hotel, around 9 PM. I was greeted by the same smiling face as night before. How was your day Sir? He asked. Tiring still better than last night’s situation, I winked with a smile, obviously teasing. He laughed, and said, guess what, the room had two bad bulbs and that is it, just the two that you tried. That is really a bad coincidence, I supported with sympathy.  Not at all Sir, it was a lesson for us. I had a meeting with the house keeping staff and have made sure that they will add 'checking each switch, each bulb and each appliance' in the room as a part of their room readiness checklist. We don’t want any guests to go through the situation like you did last night. It should take almost no extra time to check this. Starting today this is the new norm. His enthusiasm was obvious and somewhat infectious.

Next day I checked out and that experience stayed with me. A week later I received a thank you note from the hotel for helping them improve their processes. I am sure whenever I or any one in my organization visits the same city, that is my recommended hotel, because they listened.

I work for service industry, on the technology side and this experience helped me (re) learn a few things. The Light bulb came ON for me!

A)  More than one  inaccuracies of similar type can be perceived by client as a deeper issue needing major action (in my case I changed room, but a client may replace vendor)

B)  Trying to underplay the issue, playing coincidence card or forcing a solution to client against their plan may escalate damage

C)  Accepting the client suggestion with genuine interest in solving the issue (however tough the stakes are) always pays

D)  Informing the client on how you plan to safe guard against similar situations in future can further strengthen your commitment for future

E)  Thanking the client after the fact for raising the issue and helping improve the solution is a must as the most difficult client is one who is not happy but will not complaint

F)  Empathic service is always best sales strategy for service industry.

कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती हैं - बस एक रात

एक और याद, जो शायद 1987 से 1995 के बीच ही हुआ, इस लिए कुछ नयी पीढ़ी वाले दोस्त, भाई, बहिन शायद इस का उतना लुत्फ न ले पाए.... और इस बार सिर्फ ४ पंक्तिया क्यों कि अगर आपको यह याद वहां ले गयी जहा से यह आयी है तो आप कई किस्से सोच के  खुद ही मुस्कुरायेंगे.

तो चलिए फिर  मिलिए उस एक रात से और सोचिये। ..... 

कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती हैं 

जैसे बस वो एक रात...... 

दोस्त , यार , मोहल्लेदार 

एक दिन में प्लानिंग 

दो दिन का लंबा इंतज़ार 

एक नयी , एक पुरानी 

एक अंग्रेजी और एक डरावनी 

रात बस एक और फिल्में चार 

और एक किराये का वी सी आर (VCR)

कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती हैं 

कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती हैं 

जैसे....... 

Trick or Treat - Anyone?

Whenever I feel I may not be brave, I think of that night that comes once every year. The night when I bravely stand them.  I am talking of the night when my house is visited by the strangest creatures. The ghost and the goblins, the ninjas, the wizards and witches, the zombies and the fairy princesses holding hands with each other (yes the fairy princess and the zombie holding hands) as if it is all normal. I face them not only with no fear, but a hint of smile, welcome them to the threshold of my house, and comment on their cuteness in spite of the ferocity of their looks. It always ends with me offering something more precious (to them) then my soul (even to those vampires), a bowl full of chocolates.

Trick or Treat they yell. Though I want to see the tricks these mini ghosts are capable of performing, but the look on their faces make me offer the sweet treats I am holding and they are always so kind to spare my soul intact and even thank me for the chocolate. Secretly I am tempted to play a few tricks of my own on them, but the look on those painted faces (when getting the candy) is so precious that I have to suppress that urge. (The thought how other parents may treat me next morning at the school bus stop is a strong reason as well)

Halloween Night, the night to disguise and the night to trick or treat. The night to invoke in you whatever you fancy.

Halloween, a festival I didn’t even know exited, while growing up in India. But we had our fair share of trick or treating as kids on Lohri (a festival celebrated in most of north India in January). We will go our version of trick or treating in the day collecting goodies from the homes in the neighborhood, and have songs ready for those kind generous neighbors who treat you well. And some not so friendly songs full of satire for those who don’t want to share with little kids dressed as peasants. Sunder –mundariye HO!…tera kaun vichara HO!…. The song went on with claps and foot thumping with someone starting to dance at the tune and others joining. The cold winter day filled with warmth of fun and festivity. And then the collection from the day taken to the center of community for a huge bonfire, the woods to burn and the peanuts and the rewri (a hard candy made with molasses and sesame seeds) to be offered to fire before savoring the taste. Also the dressed up “Emperor Deer” Dance a specialty of a small city of Udhampur (and neighboring villages) in J&K, the state where I spent all my school years.

I miss those moments and those days, but Halloween brings it all back, changed to a new format. “Sunder Mundriye” is “Trick or Treat” now. Emperor Deer and his followers (mostly antelopes, with occasional other animals) morphed into more creative beings. But the spirit is same. The feel is same. The festivity is same. The fun is same. The thread is same that runs through the beads making the beautiful necklace. The Necklace that connects us all through the countries and continents.

Trick or Treat was a few weeks ago, Sunder Mundariye is a few weeks away and I am sitting in the middle, contemplating how my childhood is woven with the childhood of my kids, though in different times, different nations, following different traditions, celebrating different festivals still feeling the same.

The hand that runs the thread through the beads, smiles from heaven and asserts, “This is my Trick and this also is your Treat.”

कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती हैं - कॉलेज के दिन

पिछले साल ग़र याद हो, अपनी कुछ बेशकीमती यादो तो आप सब को सुनाया था । कुछ पुराने लम्हे साँझा किये और फिर से जिये । वादा किया और कुछ कहने का, पर मसरूफियत यादो को धुन्दला देती है.... आज एक और बेशकीमती याद बाँट रहा हूँ, शायद फिर से पिछले साल जैसा सिलसिला शुरू हो सके. नीचे पिछली यादों का पता भी है, अगर फिर से उन्हें देखने का दिल करे।
अच्छा लगे तो बताना.....

http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2015/10/blog-post.html
http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2015/11/blog-post.html
http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2015/10/blog-post_13.html
http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2015/10/blog-post_11.html
http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2015/10/blog-post_15.html

अब कॉलेज के दिन,,,,,,,,

कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती हैं
जैसे कॉलेज के वो पहले दिन
सतरंगे और रुपहले दिन
नए लोग, नयी जगह
नई चुनौती नई वजह
कुछ कर गुज़रने का जज़्बा
पर मस्ती करने करने की मंशा
कैंटीन की चाय और ब्रेड पकोड़े
जान से प्यारे दोस्त --- थोड़े
हॉस्टल से मेस तक ठहाके लगाना
मेस के खाने में गलती बताना
परीक्षा के दिनों दिन -रात जागना
परिणाम वाले दिन  मंदिर को भागना
छोटी-छोटी बातोँ पर भी धरने का सोचना
ज़िन्दगी में कुछ बड़ा कर गुज़रने का सोचना
दिवाली पे घर वालो को याद कर
दोस्तों संग अनार -पटाखे फोड़ना
वह चार साल नई ज़िन्दगी बना गए
क्या कुछ सिखाया क्या कुछ दिला गए
अब भी याद में ताज़ा है
कॉलेज के वो पहले दिन _ _ _कुछ चीज़े बेशकीमती होती हैं

कुछ चीज़े बेशकीमती होती हैं

जैसे........ 

Airport -Collage or College

A collage spread in front of the eyes. Colorful, bright, diverse, happy, weird, and so much more, but above all beautiful. That is how I see the airports. Whole life packed in one place with all its nuances. Almost as a miniature world contained within.  I have thought of capturing it with my camera, recording the sounds and the pictures of all what is happening but always refrained from doing the same as capturing will contain and limit what I feel when I am at an airport.

First thing you see is age, from the unborn children still in the safety of the womb under the swollen bellies of their mothers to wheel chaired grown-ups amassing the experience of almost a century, and then everyone in between.

Then you notice the work and leisure contrast between the suited men and women going for the ultra-important meeting. Their body language screaming of the urgency and importance of the travel. Their mannerism as crisp as the crease on their suits. On the other hand you see folks all set for vacation, laughing, planning, clicking pictures while making victory signs with fingers and grinning. Barely able to contain the excitement of the days ahead. Their bodies, their faces, their cloths all giving out their destination and vacation plan to whoever has time to watch keenly.

Next thing you find is the extremes of joy and sorrow. The sad, somber faces of those going to see an unwell friend or family member or to attend a funeral. Striking contrast with the happy and excited faces of those going to celebrate a new born or a wedding or a reunion with family or friends after years. All ends of life from birth to death, health to sickness, celebration to mourning visible in these groups.

And then you see the cultural diversities, fashion statements, food choices, those rushing to catch a plane and those idling to kill time waiting for a long delayed flight and a million more things.

All the diverse groups of people sharing the same space at the airport, waiting for the same aircraft to arrive, boarding the same planes. They may vary in their clothes, food habits, faith, skin color, age, health, financial status, liking, professions, travel needs and so much more. But they all stand unified while waiting for the flight to board. While complaining for the late arrivals. While worrying and pacing to avoid missing a flight. While following airline staff instructions. They join their fate when they sit in the same plane, each experiencing the same turbulence and same service. Every trip through an airport, teaches me how world should be. Unified in diversity. And that is what the "Human Being" is about. Isn't it?

Random Perfection

A perfect day as I may suggest is full of differences. Many related and unrelated items all complimenting each other randomly yet there is perfection in that randomness.

Close your eyes and feel my definition of a perfect day.

It is spring, the winter has decided to go to rest and summer is yet getting ready for its time. The day is sunny with some wandering clouds. The sun is lazily shining; neither hot not cold, just warm. Perfect warmth to gently rub the skin with a comforting warm feeling. However there is breeze flowing, not the frigid air of the winter, but pleasant breeze of spring, gently massaging the sun warmed skin with a mild comforting cool. The sun is moving; on a determined path; in the sky but the clouds are floating almost aimlessly. At times as if playing hide and seek or tag with the Sun, and none of the two ever knows, what game they are playing. Who is hiding and who is the seeker. However both enjoying the game none the less.

Perfect harmony with nothing being absolute, with nothing being perfect, just mutually opposing forces, in a mutually respecting harmony, with almost no boundaries. Freedom to express, freedom to Be and freedom to follow own path without having to block others.

The seasons, the weather, the Sun, the clouds, the air all respecting each other’s presence and all complementing each other. And all celebrating each other’s virtues. A perfect day!

Open the eyes once you have felt this, and think; Can the world has similar random perfection? If not for us, at least for the next generation? A thought that I find worth contemplating.

A day- So Special

Calendar; same as watch; keeps on moving. Sending a new date every day. The cycle of 365 (or occasional 366) is repeated over and over in one’s life. Most dates are repeated without mention, however some of those dates put a mark on you, and stay with you for your life.

One such date just passed the calendar few days ago for me.

The date that meant nothing till 10 years ago, but all of a sudden, it started meaning the world. 10 years ago 3^rd of September, I the father was born.  I would not have said this in the way I did, if my 10 years old had not wished me happy birthday on his birthday. Confusing? Of course; but smart. He said Happy Birthday Papa, and when I gave a smile shaped as a question mark he laughed and said; “you were not a papa till I was born, so “Happy birthday papa”

Happy birthday Son, truly, I always thought that my wife and I were the parents and you were our child, but that moment I realized, we were not parents till you made us that. Confusing again? Of course, remember I am his dad, so same DNA and hence similar acts.

Proud, happy, worried, concerned, confident yet needing reassurance, strong still praying, letting go to give independence but still holding on to avoid dangers and so many more mutually conflicting and confusing emotions that pile up, get entwined in the mind in the name of parenthood.

Gifts, vacation, excellent dinner, good wishes, advice and a lot more was in my agenda to facilitate the day for him, but none of that seemed sufficient. He is a part of me. At times he is the mirror that I see myself in, with proud mostly and at rare times with mild humiliation. So all I pray is that he does way better than me in all what I did good. He doesn’t ever have to face any of the embarrassments that I had faced. He stays stronger in any difficulties than how I have been. And he continues to earn the love and respect always.

My dear son, thanks for making me a proud father. I hope I am a good one, I will never succeed as a father if you don’t succeed as a person so we are in this together; always, we are team. I said this as my birthday wish to him.

 

“Am I in team with you or with Mom?” was the question I heard after I have said the above words. No it was not my 10 year old birthday boy, it was my little son, the 6 year old baby of the house.

I and my older son we both laughed, and the little one laughed with us. Yes you are with us in the same team and so is your mom, hope we make a good team son”

We will papa, both said in chorus.

Their confidence in saying that tells me my prayers are being heard. 

Zeal - The answer

I don't see the aggression in this team. Aggression is what we need to win. He went on with that speech. But the 2 first sentences had turned me off. I didn't even hear what he was saying. Next day I asked my parents to not enroll me for next season. And that was end of my game as a cricketer.

I was not bad at the game and could have played to help my team win, improved my skill and delivered what it takes to win. But I stopped as coach has asked for aggression and aggression was not my thing. I was committed but not aggressive. I feel I still miss the game. Who knows the game and my team might have missed me too. I was a good off spinner, there was no other in the team. I was below average with bat but was committed to improve. Improvement was slow and I didn't know why. But my coach explained "you need aggression to win" 

I was startled with that revelation, I didn’t have what it takes to win. I can be angry at times (even very angry). I am committed mostly to the cause I pick. I work hard but I cannot be aggressive.

Those words were etched in mind. You need aggression to win. Lack of aggression was considered same as lack of commitment. 

I could have been miserable for ever till I came across my dictionary, much later in life while I was preparing a presentation at work. Still the rhetoric of aggression needed for victory was very much in-vogue. I stumbled over the word ZEAL. And I knew I had my answer. My Nirvana. Be committed, be Zealous. Zeal and not aggression was needed to win.

Aggression makes mobs and Zeal makes teams (I told myself)

So my coach had a semantic problem. I was happy that all was not lost. I had in me what it takes to win. I had the zeal needed for the right cause, I would never have enough aggression but zeal would work for me as well.

But then I look around me, friends, family, coworkers, even little kids; everyone had learnt it from a similar coach. You need aggression to win. No aggression means no commitment which means no victory. I am not sure if I should just ignore my new found knowledge or just ignore it and live rest of my days trying (and failing) to achieve aggression and not focus on being zealous, which come more naturally?

While in the middle of my dilemma, I had this phone call with a nice kind lady many hours east of me. It was very early for me in the day and a little past mid-day for her. After the pleasantries were exchanged; and the cause at hand discussed; I had to either persuade her to my point of view or to get convinced by hers (or may be develop a 3^rd point of view collaborating between the two). Perfect team work scenario; but then the need to be Aggressive to Win took over her completely. She must have had a mentor like my coach. I felt attacked by a voice becoming shriller and tone switching between sarcastic and angry. I let my mind shut-off, as counter aggression by aggression is an option that I rarely used and never felt proud of using it (even when I have won). I excused myself with the pretext of gathering more data for her to consider. But instead built a case (documented with facts and different viewpoints). Eventually discovering that we both were right in parts, but wholly supporting one’s view point would have meant disaster. I prepared a solution and presented to the client. The cause won. I won with it, and so did she. The aggression however lost and the zeal to solve did win.

Lesson learnt-We both could have won if we had focused on solving the problem instead of winning. Aggression makes you always secure a win for yourself, strike a goal; but zeal will make you solve the problem at hand. Zeal states that you don’t win till you have solved the issue at hand.

Ask yourself (I asked myself and discovered some despicable moments) How many times you’ve been aggressive in the conversations, the discussions, the plans where zeal could have done trick in much better way without having to have any tensed muscles.

Next Steps change the vocabulary and more

ü                          Aggression to be replaced with Zeal

ü                        Aggressive should go and Zealous should be in

ü                       Compete is outdated Collaborate is the way to go

ü                      Don’t try to win or lose, work for the cause to win and you win automatically

ü                       Aggression can be infectious stand your Zeal and the cause instead of getting    infected

ü                     Listen to gather important points from other side rather than responding even when the discussion becomes an argument

ü                    Do it with Zeal

Live, play, work, socialize, party what ever you do; do it with Zeal, you will be one step closer to the ultimate.

मसरूफियत का आलम

I once wrote a note about priorities (http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2012/07/what-if-you-find-out-that-your.html ), but talking about something and following the same thing are very different. Years after I wrote that note, I have not seen much change in the way of thinking or doing. Being busy (or masroof -मसरूफ ) is what mostly I do.Many times keeping the health (Physical, spiritual and social health) as a priority #2. Self is ignored everyday for the sake of being busy, so below lines represents the dilemma, when one encounters one self some day?

मसरूफियत का आलम

खुद की ग़र कभी खुद से 

मुलाकात होगी 

सोचता हूँ कुछ इस तरह 

से बात होगी 

खुद को क्यूँ भुलाए रखा 

यह खुद से बताएँगे 

खुद की मसरूफियत के किस्से 

खुद को ही सुनाएंगे 

खुद के बहानों के खोखलेपन को 

खुद से ही महसूस कर 

खुद पे ही शर्मिंदा होंगे 

खुद की शर्मिन्दगी पर खुद ही 

मन में मुस्काएँगे 

खुद को इस कदर भुलाया 

है कब से, कि 

कभी खुद से रूबरू हो गए तो 

खुद को पहचानेंगे कैसे?

और खुद ने ग़र पहचान लिया तो,

नज़रें कैसे मिला पाएँगे?

4 Friends in a Jungle –Story Retold

Four friends are in a jungle. One checks if his shoes are tied well. Others ask, why was he doing that? The first one responds that if a tiger comes to hunt, he wants to be sure that he can run fast enough.

Do you think you can out run the tiger?

Who has to out run the tiger? I have to just out run one of you, he replies with a smile.

The story doesn’t end here…….

Move this scenario to competitive business space, 4 friends (organizations), all trying to outrun each other when “the tiger” (customer’s needs) is chasing them. The 1^st three will survive being just ahead of the other, but for the one who couldn’t stay ahead of the friends must “outrun the tiger”, or gets annihilated.  

The story doesn’t end here as well…………….

The tiger in our story has an appetite that is insatiable so after the last one of the 4 friends is devoured by the tiger, the race to outrun doesn’t end or even slows down, it is just the race to be better than the 3^rd position (as 3^rd is the new last). Usually there are more “friends” joining on the way. The tiger stays on the prowl.

The story still is not over………….

Few who actually outrun the Tiger, gain the Nirvana of the business. They stay good, respected by the Tiger. Until the new tiger (read next generation of consumer expectations) arrives in the Jungle.

And the story starts itself all over again…….'

Note: Resurrection allowed, if one is committed enough

The WORLD we see

“You know Sara has 5 toes in each foot, isn’t that amazing!”

This was the little angel all of 5 years old but he played as a big teacher, if anyone was interested in the learning.

I was sitting on the couch with my wife listening to some challenges, mostly some people not playing a healthy game.

It seems that either they do not understand, or do not care or may be just want to create trouble. My wife mentioned and I was nodding my head in affirmation. I had a few of those who fall in that category and it is always very difficult to deal with that kind, if losing temper is not one of the viable options.

I looked at her face, she was obviously upset and I wanted to say something that helps her but at the same time doesn’t sound too preachy. May be it is the perspective they carry, was all I could say. Obviously I myself was not convinced at that and surely she too couldn't really agree.

And then the little teacher walked in without a prior announcement, all excited and happy when he said “You know Sara has 5 toes in each foot, isn’t that amazing!”. As if he had not seen 5 toes on Sara but seen a baby dinosaur in the backyard.

I looked at my wife and we both smile.

The little angel is blessed with 6 toes on each foot. So his reality stood at having 6 toes as the standard. Perspective explained in a fraction of a moment by the little teacher. I hugged him, kissed his cheek, and offered; “do you want to count mine?” I was sure he will be amazed to see that even I have 5 on each, just like Sara; wasn’t that amazing?

World is not as is, World is as One see with One's own eyes. 

Note: We can accomplish a lot at work, home, society if we keep an open mind to respect (if not understand) the World others may see

REWIND IT?

They say when someone is tired, beyond a limit, physically, mentally or both; one tends to hallucinate.But I don’t; no I never do. 

I have been tired in all possible ways many times in life. Tired to an extent when each pore of the body aches and each nerve of the brain wants to give up. Rest doesn’t seem to be anywhere in sight. I have been in those moments more than once. Actually way more than once. And I never hallucinate. I have rather been very alert. So alert that I even remembered the names of all the angels and creatures I had met during times like that.

Like just 2 night backs; I was turning in my bed. It was late at night. I had a few weeks challenging life situation. Stayed away from the family and worked more than 20 hours a day on different priorities. It can very well exhaust a person. To add to this was jet lag having traveled to the other side of the globe. Now I returned home after that just to be greeted by a severe infection (Some co passenger passed it to me very generously without even letting me know)

So I was tired, sick and down with very high fever that night and not able to sleep. Looking outside the window; the light from the street lamp struggling with the curtain to get inside the warmth of the room. And the insensitive curtain unsuccessfully trying to stop it in frigid outdoors. While all that was playing I could see it. It appeared just some smoke as if a stray cloud has lost its way and came down to peek through the window.

In just a matter of seconds the frail cloud turned into a figure, almost a person with an aura around its body. And instead of being outside the window it was very much inside the room. And it spoke, without speaking and I could listen; without hearing.

Lately you have been thinking a lot about the past triumphs and the past mistakes. What all you did well and what all you could have done better. And your guardian angel sitting in the court above, got very moved by that thinking and negotiated a chance for you. The voice in my head continued. This is an extremely rare chance. Nothing to lose. You get to live your life again Everything can be same still better as you will know the mistakes you made last time and this time you can avoid them. All those wrong turns, you can avoid taking them knowing the consequences beforehand. Though the figure in front of me had a cloud like smoky appearance with no clear features, but I could see a faint smile on the face, again in my mind.

The smile continued as the words; only thing that this big opportunity demands from you is your affirmation. Remember when God decided on free will for the humans; it was clear that all the choices will be made by individuals. I knew freewill concept very well; it has been spoken as freewill, as theory or cause and effect, as what you reap is what you sow and in one word Karma.

Karma; I thought and my unwell, tired face loosened up. I could feel a smile building on my lips. I could see a million moments from my life passing in front of my eyes that I had made a mistake, taken a wrong turn.

Before I could even know, I heard a voice “NO” and that was me, saying No to the opportunity presented to me.

NO? Really? this is rarest of the rare chances, the voice in the mind reminded me. Still my answer is NO I replied, as someday I have told myself that, “There are no wrong turns, only the turns you take and the turns you don’t" #

I am what I am, based on the choices I made. I will be what I will be based on the choices I will make. And I have made a choice not to rewind my life. Even if I do, I will re-live all those mistakes. Journey of life is not a pursuit for perfection it is rather celebrating the imperfections one faces and doing the best with them. My mistakes have been my integral part, part of my being so no rewind for me. Forced to a rewind I will repeat all of those all over again.

In a fraction of a moment, the figure was gone, I didn’t even see it go or even fade away, just gone. In my mind I think I saw a faint smile before it left. It was for such a short period, that I am not sure if it was smile of appreciation or sarcasm or pity. But I may not care as even if it was a mistake to say No, it was my mistake, like the millions others that I have made throughout the journey of life. Mistakes that broke me and rebuilt me and mistakes that just made me what I am today.

See I told you I never Hallucinate. If I were; would I remember any of this and would any of this had made any sense? :)

# From the blogpost dated Apr 2013 http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2013/04/crossroads.html
NOTE: realized it after posting...this is my Century ...100 posts so far...Thanks for reading

Full Circle

“I am not doing this, because you can do it yourself. Come now take the soap and wash your hands, all by yourself. No; I am not going to help; I know you can do it.” I heard the voice from inside a public rest room at a highway gas station. There was a long line outside the rest room as it was occupied for a long time.

Must be someone one with a little child inside; I thought. Some people in the line showed annoyance at hearing that. I would have felt the same way if I didn’t have 2 little boys of my own. Still when there is a line outside and you have been in already for longer than usual; that is not the best time to teach discipline. But as a rule I will reserve making an opinion about the man inside till I see the whole thing (for instance the age and behavior of the child.) 

A few minutes later the man walked out with an apologetic grin on his face. “Sorry; he is very slow at this age and I don’t want to rush him.” He said; turning his head back in the bathroom while extending a hand inside and helped an old man with walking support step out very slowly. “He is 104 years old” the man continued, “and as much as I want to help him, I know letting him do his own things will keep him more active.” I looked at them as they walked slowly towards the small sandwich shop inside the gas station. 

I looked at my 5 year old whom I have to help in bathrooms and at times have similar conversations. So the man I saw was a good son or Son of an excellent dad who instilled such good character in his child that even above 60 years age is still strong. A good family. I looked at my kids and hoped, one day; they will hold on to the values that I and their mother try to teach.

Thanks, unknown father and son; I don’t know your name, but seeing you at the start of my trip made my whole journey pleasant. As long as there are families like you; there is hope in the world. Thanks for displaying that role reversal with such grace and honesty that it showed the full circle of life in that one moment.

I just observed......

I just observed......

The driveway outside of my house has a mind of its own, few days back we had a small get together in our house. Some friends came over and we needed the space on the driveway for them to park the cars. Ensuring minimum folks to use the visitor spots in the community. But the Driveway shrunk and could take only 2 cars, one on each side.

Yesterday when it snowed so heavy, and I started shoveling; the same Driveway stretched to become very long; almost endless. It sure has a mind of its own and it tries to test me with such acts…. And may be the road conspired with it by moving farther than usual.

I have experienced some other things in the life act the same way. They seem to have a mind of their own and that does not always is in sync with what I want. However good I think I treat them; I just observed …..

Fidelity

Recently a very close friend of mine had a big decision to make in his life. And while discussing some things, the discussion zeroed down to one term; by far the most important virtue for a successful relation; Fidelity. We discussed and debated; Right and wrong, Good and Bad. And more we try to untangle this term the more we got tangled in it and then I said…

Fidelity is a very Personal Thing.

The definitions and boundaries are set individually. Society, family, culture and other such things do impact setting of those definitions and boundaries to some extent but not enough to make a sizeable impact to what one’s mind wants to set them at. And it is all fine as long as those definitions are set, boundaries drawn and one stays within. Over stepping occasionally and then coming back is seen as a victory rather than a fallacy.

All is good to that level. The challenge starts when you have people around you. Friends, family and above all your spouse. Boyfriend- Girlfriend, Live in partners or Married couples; one thing that they speak of is mutual trust and unfortunately fidelity is the measure of that trust. You may ask why that is a problem? Think about it; you have drawn your own boundaries and your partner has his or her own. There will be lines covering common areas; there will be lines crossing to cover a little here or there and then there will be lines that cover total uncharted territory for the other. It can go well into a domain very comfortably for one but the same domain for the other can be a big taboo as how the partner’s boundaries are drawn. Also there are situations when one partner redraws the boundaries to better match with other partner and they move along happily.

Have you ever witnessed a situation; when years down the line both reach the place where one has redrawn the line? The one who had redrawn stands well within the limits; proudly thinking and hoping that the partner for whom the boundary was redrawn would be feeling proud. But then the partner form whose sake the boundary was redrawn is easily, comfortably venturing out and enjoying it too? Not only that the same partner who had asked for that redrawing fails to remember that the other partner had drawn those boundaries purely in the name mutual respect. While that partner who has redrawn those boundaries; and is witnessing this from the other side with disbelief and even pain; is also getting blamed for being overly orthodox and exceedingly naive.  A simple statement at that time like; “this is how things should be, I don’t understand why you behave like this. Why can’t you see it as a normal thing like I do, like everyone else does?” appears no less than a death sentence. It is a death sentence as those boundaries define you as you are scratching them is like killing a part of you. Also it is always difficult to redraw an already redrawn boundary.

But no one is wrong here; no one to be blamed. Orthodox or open, faithful or infidel all these are very subjective. All these definitions are very personal. And so is the joy and the pain associated with them. All one can do is look at the situation and look at other things around it and see if it is worth moving on or it needs moving away and whatever that decision is just implement and go on. Pain and wounds heal with time and tending. Scars never leave, though they fade, if you give them enough undisturbed time.

Fidelity stays an extremely personal thing. So when you find someone whose boundaries are drawn similar to yours just stick with that person, and consider yourself lucky. Make sure that you walk together enough and you talk frequently enough so that if there is any redrawing needed that gets the same environment, as after that it is all what your mind decides.

After all Fidelity is a very Personal Thing.