सौगात

देखता हु उन्हें, 

हँसते, खिलखिलाते 

प्यारी सी बातें करते, फिर खुद ही उन पे इतराते,

छोटी भोली शरारते; और फिर आँखें चुराते।

मेरे हर दिन के दो सूरज 

अलसाई आँखों में किरणों की सी हरारत लिए 

हर दिन मेरी गोद में जागते 

मेरी रात के दो चंदा,

राहत भरी मुस्कान की ठंडक ले 

हर रात गले से लग;

"Good-Night Papa" कह सोने जाते 

Shaurya and Shaunak

मै करबद्ध हो कुछ इतराता 

फिर-फिर से माँगा येही करता 

मुझको जो सौगात है मिली 

उसके काबिल हो जाऊ  बस 

इन्ह मीठी मुस्कानों को 

हर दिन कायम रख पाऊ बस 

God-Flower

The month is December and as expected the temperatures have dipped really low. It gets below freezing during the night and barely above freezing during the day. I walk with a cap to cover my head and glasses for my eyes and my chin along with a good part of my mouth hidden under the collar of my coat. The little part of face below eyes and right next to nose is uncovered and the extremely cold wind seems to be cutting through it like a razor.

The leaves fell a few weeks back, now the trees seem frozen. The birds have migrated to the warmer south. Everything is so cold, so freezing, so chilled, so…winter.

So in the middle of all this a few days back my rose bush which was decked with yellow and pink roses in the spring, and mostly deserted now; just started a small game. Though it is almost deprived of the leaves and looks mostly lifeless due to cold; but on one of its barren branches, a small rose bud grew. Rose bud; in winters; with that cold air?...Really? 

Then after a few days; despite the weather being even colder and even more hostile the bud decided to bloom as a flower. The yellow petals with pink border on each of the petals. Brightly standing in the middle of the freeze; defying all logic and all norms of the seasons. I am looking at that flower and trying to think of some logic; it looks so beautiful and yet so solitary and so strange.

GOD-FLOWER (On the leave-less Rose bush)

Now comes my little story teller with his own logic to all problems. Though I never asked; but maybe he read my mind and said, “That is the God –Flower Papa.” What? I asked. “The God-Flower; as no flower can grow when it is very cold; so God sends special blessings as this God-Flower. It is a good thing that we got this God-Flower in our yard as this means we are blessed” He said so matter of fact way that I had to believe. There are some things that are really God-Sent. I look at his face and the smile, not his usual mischievous smile; but a smile with the pride of having explained something important to his Papa. I know he didn't make it up, I know this is the God-Flower and it is obvious he knows all about God-Flowers or similar things.

Some things are really and so obviously God-Sent.

PS: Another thing that I just learnt; “God-Flower” brings the promise of God’s-Protection. Now that we are blessed with a God-Flower so we can be more confident about everything and not scared of anything; like my little philosopher is not scared of going to dark basement ever since the God-Flower bloomed. And so I went to my daily battles with more confidence; since we have the God-Flower now.

WHY?

Big Question and NO answers. Elementary School, little kids, no malice, no biases, just small, beautiful, innocent heaven sent kids. And then there must be some mischievous ones, and may be a few arrogant and stubborn ones too, but all still so innocent and so precious. Like the sprouts that will bloom as the adults of future. They are nothing but future in making.

One act of insanity or cruelty or inhumanity whatever one may call it; all that was so precious and so delicate is lost. It is lost because someone lost his mind and he had easy access to assault weapons. No one may really know why he did that. There will be theories and debates and top news for a few days maybe a few weeks and then all will be forgotten. Even the twenty kids who could have been anything in the future will be forgotten by the world, they will be just an incident in the news archives and statistics for future discussions by psychologists, school security professionals, (pro and anti) gun control lobbies. And that is the sad, painful fact of our media and social media driven so called modern life. However for the parents and siblings of those twenty kids life would never be the same. For other kids who witnessed this blood shed it will leave a scar forever on their minds. 

When the news of this barbaric incident broke; I am sure the parents of little kids all over the world got concerned for well being of their children. Hoped something like this never happens to their kids. Thanked God for keeping their kids out of the harm’s way and secretly felt guilty for thinking this way since some parents will never had their baby in their lap anymore.

What can one do to prevent such incidents? I asked a few folks, but no one could give me an answer

WHY…..

…..Did this happen?

…...No one could do anything to prevent this?

…...People so full of hate and so lacking of compassion are there in this World?

…...Such people get guns and no one notices?

……Politics is always kept above humanity and common sense?

……Common man feels so helpless in times like this?

And

 WHY NO ONE HAS ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS?

As for me I Hugged my kids tight and prayed for those Connecticut parents who may still be looking at the door and hoping that this is just a nightmare and their bundle of joy will be in their lap when they wake up.......

Some Stats:

There are an estimated 270 million guns in the hands of civilians in the United States, making Americans the most heavily armed people in the world per capita.

A Washington-based anti-gun lobby says those guns shoot more than 100,000 people a year.

READ: “Analysis: Why gun controls are off the agenda in America” WWW.CNN.COM for details

http://news.msn.com/us/experts-conn-school-could-not-have-prevented-shooting?ocid=ansnewsrel2

Inner Peace

If you cannot find it in yourself; you cannot find it anywhere else. This is the simple equation about peace. The reward of this quest is that once you succeed in finding it in yourself; then Your Whole World is at peace. So the peace is what you drive; something that is in your hands completely.

It sure sounds simple, isn’t it? But honestly it is way more complex. Complex because the most difficult beast to tame; for anyone; is oneself. However look at the brighter side, self still is not as geographically (and culturally) spread as the World is.

Now the reason I started thinking about this; I was talking to this friend of mine a few days back. This guy is from an unhappy home. His parents divorced when he was in early teens and he was kept with his dad by the court. He could never be close to his dad, in spite of his dad making a lot effort for many years to please him before totally giving up on him. For some reason both father and son; are on my good friends list.

I am talking to this guy, he is somewhat depressed and dreamingly he starts, “I don’t know! I feel so lonely, all the time. I feel lonely when I am with my dad or my brother. I feel lonely when I am at work or in my school. I feel lonely even when with friends or in parties. I think I need a whole new social setup to start feeling better.”

As good friends do, I somewhat teasingly said, “So you are lonely when with anyone you know, do you feel lonely when with strangers? How about being with yourself? Do you feel lonely when with yourself?” and before I could even smile after saying that half-jokingly, he replied with a sigh, “I don’t know!” I could see some tears on the corner of his eyes and I knew this was serious. “You should know, that is the answer that you should seek before any other answers.” I just heard myself say this to him.

The more I mused about it, the more I felt that I was on to something. May be he was always feeling lonely because he was not enjoying himself. He was not able to give himself good company and so he was seeking to fill that gap from outside and it seemed to be getting wider instead of getting filled.

I was talking while deeply thinking; and maybe that was my Eureka moment.

“You don’t enjoy anyone’s company, because you don’t enjoy yourself. And the reason for that can be the fact that you are not at peace with yourself. You have to find peace with in you. And the day you find peace within; this all will change.” Isn’t that easy! To my surprise he replied, “You are right, I will work on it”

Sure, do work on it my friend, and do teach me when you are successful. My experience so far is that the more you chase inner peace, the more unrest you get. So chasing will not get you there. Sit still and let it come to you. And again staying still is easier said than done.

It is not only people like my friend on this quest. I was watching KungFu Panda 2 with my kids. In the movie Pho the Panda tries to frantically look for inner peace. His quest for inner peace was hilarious for the audience; however any seeker would know how difficult that really would have been.

So; once the inner peace comes, your world will be at peace. All you need for this to happen is to be very still inside and outside, can you do it?

NOTE: if you have not seen Kung fu Panda 2 search for the “Inner-Peace- boat scene” video; that’s exactly how it seems J

Busy

“I have been thinking about you but didn't get time to call”- How many times we say this to our friends and family and how many times we hear this from them? I have been thinking about it lately; obviously because I am extremely time pressed these days (why else one would ponder upon a topic like this?)

Things never used to be this busy with the previous generations; I still remember while I was a kid, my parents had many friends and they always used to find time for their friends. There were festivals to be celebrated, family dinners, get-togethers being organized where you meet each other, the kids play and the grownups chat. I used to love many of those events. Even the kind where your doorbell rings late evening and there is a good family friend (with family) smiling at your door. We will always greet them with a smile not only on lips but all the way from heart to lips. And the party will start, no planning, no calling before just extempore party. I am sure many people my age would remember the evening huddle in the community; where everyone is a part of a gender& age based groups (usually a gender neutral age based group only for kids to a certain age). Everyone busy chatting, playing, gossips, jokes, laughs and at times arguments; all a part of being a part of the community. The very fabric that the spread of human life is made up of. (READ: Man is a social Animal)

But all that is a thing of the past. I don’t think anyone celebrates a sudden unannounced guest anymore. And I have not seen people having time for those parties or “daily casual community meets.” Because we; the present day people are busy people.

Busy, that is a good thing. And staying too busy to have insufficient time for social life is bad but acceptable if it is short lived. However; I see all around me; people, way too busy to have a life. We are too busy making a living that we don’t have time to live. That is unfortunate. Almost a curse. I am living that curse and it hurts. Is there a way to lift that curse? Is there a holy man or something written in the scripture or even a shaman who can help?

Our parents could do it so there must be a way. The fact is not that they were not busy, on the contrary they were very busy, mind you there were way lesser gadgets to improve efficiency on daily chores and there were limited communication means; still they had time to live. Because they made a choice to live.

For now I don’t know how I can do it, but last few months I am being so “busy” that I had no time even for my family. So no social life and no family life, just one word to define the way it all has been, “BUSY”

While writing this I want to sincerely apologize to my friends and relative for not having enough time for them in the past especially to my wife and kids for being too busy and almost unreachable for them for many months now. And also I want to apologize to myself for what I have deprived myself of.

At this time I don’t know how can I be not “so Busy” but I promise that I will work on a way and implement it soon. May be one step will be to politely returning the “Monkeys” to people (home, work, society etc.) that those belong to. Since a part of me being busy has a lot to do with carrying the “Monkeys” that are not mine#. Letting go of those may give me more time to think about additional ways to make it better.

See! I already started thinking of the ways; like I mentioned earlier; all it need is to make a choice and work on it. I should Live and not just stay busy making a living……..

Still don’t know how but I know I will. And that’ is a Promise!!!!

# I read about Monkey analogy in a book by Ken Blanchard in 2002 and used the learning successfully at that time soon after forgot about it. It just came back while writing this piece

Man who wrapped Logic in Idiocy

Anyone who grew  up in India in the eighties will have so many memories about “DoorDarshan” including the “Chitrahaar”, “Ek chiriya..”, “Malgudi days” and so on. And in those sweet memories I am sure there will be hidden somewhere a message most annoying and almost devastating at times, “Rukawat ke liye Khed hai (Sorry for interruption)”. How can anyone bear a break in a running program? So much so that anything that disrupts good program was not only annoying, but also received all sorts of expletives.

But one man not only wanted to disrupt the running programs, but do it in a way that everyone would be waiting for these disruptions. Even to think of something like this one’s sense of logic should be placed upside down. And upside –down was the only logic that this man knew and started teaching to all of us  through his upside-down interruptions in running programs; rightly calling it, “Ulta-Pulta.”

Someone on cloud nine with a huge success of an unusual (almost crazy) concept would want to cash on a success like this and built deeper roots in the show-biz. And may be our friend wanted the same, so he must have been happy to receive green light to air a full 30 minute show to be aired weekly (only frequency that was in vogue during those days). And he may have wanted it be a big hit. But how would that even try to explain why he named it the “Flop-Show?”

I will never understand why, I will never understand the logic behind such things; but I thoroughly enjoyed everything he offered. Everyone knows that he had superb comic timing and an excellent mind that would think after seeing any social issues and other problems. But the only thing that this man was in-capable of was showing anything in a sorry state. Be it the inflation or the corruption or the red-tape or anything else that people will sit on hunger strikes for. This man addressed those issues with his wit and satire mixed to perfection. Make you laugh at the day today incidents in life that most others would want you to cry about.

The genius, be it in any field can never be repeated; and the same goes for him. The sad accident that took him recently from the man kind, might have taken the future gifts that he would have been conceiving for all of us. But how ever sudden and cruel the death may be; it cannot take away what he gave to all of us over last two decades.

Jaspal Bhatti ji, I know you are not the kind who would want to rest in peace; the laughter that your wit and humor creates will be making God and all Heaven-goers laugh and disrupting the peace of heavens.

PS: Some that I watched many a times in addition to Flop Show and  Ulta Pulta; The police officer of Mahaul Theek hai, Jija ji, Ram Saran Dubey of Kuch meetha ho jaye and the list goes on….

थके हुए पथिक (Thake hue pathik)

थके हुए पथिक तेरे 

चरणों को प्रणाम |

वोह जिन्होंने हिम्मत कर के,

ड्योड़ी से बहार कदम उठाया,

वोह जिन्होंने मीलो नापी 

रास्तो को भी दोस्त बनाया,

वोह जिन्होंने अपने चिन्ह 

जाने कितनी जगह पे छोड़े,

वोह जिन्होंने परवाह न की 

राह में थे गड्ढे या रोड़े|

रिसते छालों को ढकने को 

अधरों पर रही मुस्कान,

थके हुए पथिक तेरे 

चरणों को प्रणाम।।

In the name of religion…again!!!!

And again there is bloodshed in the name of religion. How wrong, how sad, how insane? I have seen this, read about this and felt sorry for this, almost all my life. Which Country am I from and what religion I follow that is irrelevant. What matters is that I was created as the highest of all the creation; I was created a human being.

I was reading news about the recent incidents and also the comments, individual responses to the incidents as cited in the news. Sadly a huge majority of the people posting those comments are angry. Irrespective of the faith they follow or nationality they belong to. Anger seems to be the most predominant emotion these days along with intolerance. What happened to the love and the peace and harmony? What happened to the principles that were taught as a basic learning by any religion of the world?

Honest opinion, the only religion prevalent these days seems to be hatred. Any country one is from, any popular religion one follows, any holy book one may read any place of worship one may visit, but most seem to be following one religion, the religion of HATE. It is like a virus, it spreads itself. Born out of ignorance and intolerance. It is truly mediaborne, very infectious and very dangerous.

I have seen movies about dooms day and also seen shows on discovery and National geographic talking about the end of the world. They talk about the ultimate storms and tsunamis, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, super bug epidemics and so many other possibilities of this world coming to an end. And seeing the news these days I feel the dooms day prophecies are not wrong and thinking that we are close to that day is not incorrect. But the source of that destruction is not going to be any of the natural calamities or storms. We, the people will destroy the whole World very soon with always spreading; media and social media fed super ignorant hate.

“With great power comes great responsibility” so I heard being said in the Spiderman movie. Social media and easy, open, unstoppable, recent (to the last second) access to information from all over the globe is a great power. We can use it to help and heal and build and grow and develop and strengthen the globe. Not only for us humans but for all what Mother Nature has given us. Thankfully a few of us, who understand the great responsibility that this great power has put on our shoulders, are doing exactly that. But a vast majority just got this power and got it for so cheap, almost free that they would not learn the responsibility that it brings. Sadly most news channels, newspapers other media providers are no exception to ignoring the responsibility that the power of global reach has put on their shoulders.

Hope it is not too late before people realize that responsibility.

Hope none of us has to see the times that Pulitzer Prize winner writer Cormac McCarthy has mentioned in his book “The Road.”

Epilogue: Looking for a savior for all and sincerely I will not even ask which popular religion figure he or she would resemble. But until  that savior comes (or may never come), the responsibility is on us. With Great Power comes great responsibility and history can tell that the power current generation has is way too great than any generation in the past had held.

जीवन सरिता (Jeevan Sarita)

जीवन सरिता 
जिन्दगी अथक नदी के जैसे 

जाने कितनी सदियों से 

बिना रुके, बिना थके बस

चलती जा रही है!

हिमनद से सागर का रास्ता 

तो दिखता छोटा ही है

पर सागर से फिर हिमनद पर,

बदल की झोली में छुप कर

शीत श्वेत कपास की कोंपल

या फिर बर्फीला झंझावत बन 

एक कभी न रुकते हुए चक्र में

जिन्दगी अथक नदी के जैसे 

जाने कितनी सदियों से 

बिना रुके, बिना थके बस

चलती जा रही है. 

हम हर मौसम में आते हैं 

नया चहरा नया एक नाम लिए

जीवन को 'अपना' कहते हैं ता जो 

यह रहे हमारी पहचान लिए 

(किसी एक नाम का नहीं है जीवन

हम भूल के सच को जीते हैं कि)

युगों से गतिमय जीवन सरिता

की है बस पहचान गति, और 

जिन्दगी अथक नदी के जैसे 

जाने कितनी सदियों से 

बिना रुके, बिना थके बस

चलती जा रही है!

Old friends

This is something that I started writing in 2002 after a trip to Daytona Beach, FL. I could not close this when I initially wrote and at that time I didn't know why.... Now I know what was holding me from finishing this piece.

2002

I walked a few steps and the waves touched my feet, welcoming me on the beach. I smiled, looked towards the sea and said, “Thank you!” And the Sea not only smiled back but also roared. I was happy to be on the beach and I had a feeling that the beach is happy because I am there. I have a strange relation with sea. Ever since I was a kid, Sea fascinates me and invites me. And when ever I am near it, it talks, in its own special language and it understands what all I have to tell.

From the little fisherman’s village near Mumbai, India to the roaring beaches of southern California, it speaks the same language. It connects miles. That day I was at Daytona Beach, Florida. A small book tugged in my pocket that I wanted to read sitting near the sea. I was miles away from my apartment in Orlando. I was all alone, just me and the Sea. There were hundreds of people all around us, but two of us were so engrossed into each other that we didn’t notice. I think sea was giving same ‘feel of importance’ to every one present. I smiled again and winked, and I am almost sure that the sea winked back, and again roared with laughter. There was this bond that usually good friends have and the warmth was so obvious……………

2012

Many years since the above was written (it has been almost 10 years), and the ocean of responsibilities had seemingly submerged the old friendships. A bond once so strong (between Sea and me) was almost forgotten. Not remembering any of that, I drove to Virginia Beach last week, with my wife and our two sons, driving to the hotel parking late at night. A late night walk at the board walk and I think I heard someone call my name but I couldn't tell who. Next morning was magical, as I felt almost no tiredness of the long drive and in spite of having slept very late I woke up early and saw the sun rising from behind the waves while sitting in the balcony. And that moment I knew I had to run on sand again. A few minutes later I was on the sea side with my family. Very different from 10 years back in Daytona, no book tugged under the arm. Just a few folded chairs and a box with water and some food on my shoulders and instead of being alone I had my wife walking by my side and a somewhat nervous little boy in her lap and an over enthusiastic big brother giggling while running towards the sea. I looked at the waves and saw something, more like a faint smile. I looked again as if trying to recognize an old friend after meeting him or her unexpectedly in a mall. And yes there it was; the bond that was established many years back existed as strong as ever. I dropped everything on the sand grabbed my older son’s arm and ran to the waves. I am sure what I heard was the familiar laughter from my old friend, the Sea. Right then a big wave rose to me and my son and embraced us. I showed my son to my old friend and then they played  with each other for hours. Actually all three of us played together for hours.

Having spent a couple of days listening to the roars of laughter from my old friend and spending time playing and chatting; it was time to part and I said, “You have not changed even a bit.” “Neither did you," he replied  "just now you started playing more than reading your books, and ......” He paused  and teasingly smiled while looking at my overweight frame and a thinned hair line. “We will meet soon.” I said realizing how much I have missed this. “I will wait, for you, right here, like always.” He said and winked. I winked back. And then he laughed ; his usual big roar of a laugh!!!

Happiness and Law of Inertia

Happiness seems to be one thing where Newton’s 1^st law fails. I know the laws are meant to be applied to the physical entities. However I have this habit of drawing come emotional and some logical (non-physics) conclusions based on the Sir Isaac Newton’s master piece (the laws that has made understanding nature of things so easy).

Newton’s First law: Every object continues in its state of rest, or of uniform motion in a straight line, unless compelled to change that state by external forces acted upon it.

Applied to a state of mind, (assume a state of mind being a physical entity, and I am not saying it, I am just following what my interpretation is of something that was said in the Gospel  "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."), It would mean that if you are happy you should continue being happy unless and external force (something against happiness) is applied on your mental state. But that rarely happens.

Happened to me once after watching an episode of “Whose line is it anyway” many years ago, I could not stop laughing for almost an hour (considered to be very long time for something like continuous laugh) and my wife (of just a few months at that time) thought that either I am crazy or (demon) possessed. I am sure that she even tried to look for some doctor (maybe even a Witch Doctor) contact in the directory to stop my seemingly uncontrollable laughter.

I just ended talking with one of my direct reports. He was unhappy with the fact that he did not receive a great pay raise recently. I tried to convince him that as per the company conditions and his level/status he is very well compensated (actually he is the highest paid employee in his level of experience and expertise). But in the end he was still not happy. I remember he was very happy about his compensation just a few months back and now that he has received a raise (though small but still a raise) still he was unhappy. So the state of happiness even though got a push but changed direction and turned to unhappiness.

That is to some extent what Maslow’s Need Hierarchy theory is about, I guess. So Maslow’s theory in my opinion is the psychological opposite of the 1^st law of motion.

Developing a little bit on that, so being happy needs a push and continue to be happy is not our natural state of mind. We by default might be unhappy creatures and continues in its state of unhappiness, or of lethargy, unless compelled to change that state by external forces (happy things) acted upon it. Sadly the friction is inborn to the continuous state of being happy.

That is why it Buddha said enlightenment is bliss. So Bliss is when you reverse your mind polarity and make happiness as the natural (continuous) state of things with unhappiness being an exception at times forced by external factors.

Example: Me and my wife once were having a fun evening lots of laughing and all of a sudden one of us said something, the other one got upset, sad, unhappy. That made the person who had said that unhappy and that person insisted, can you please be happy again? The answer, “Mood  is not like a light bulb that can be lightened just by the flip of a switch.” Now if it can be closed by the flip of a switch like a light bulb why can’t it be lighted in the same way? Big Question; isn’t it? Simple answer; reverse polarity so the mood can be switched on like a light bulb and cannot be switched off like one.

Confused? So am I, if reversing polarity was that easy then it would be a blissful life.

My quest to enlightenment is hidden in finding that switch, reversing polarity and let Sir Isaac Newton’s law take care of the rest.

अगर ........ (If only.....)

At times I am stuck in small stuff so much that I become oblivious of the big picture. And then some times I miss the target and think that it was the small stuff adherence causing it? Tried to sum that feeling below!!!!

मैं तो काबिल था की गुम्बद का सितारा बनता 

पर अगर नीव के मेख़ में ना उलझा होता

तूने जो चाँद दिखाने की कोशिश की 

देखता  चाँद का हुस्न भी अगर

तेरी ऊँगली के ख़म को ना टोका होता

जिंदगी आ के दर पे दस्तक देती थी

किवाड़ खोल के उसको गले लगाता  जो

नंगे पाव को गीले फर्श ने ना रोका होता 

Adieu Teacher

A fresh Engineering Graduate with a good academic history, and inflated with hope given by professors, friends and family was scared. He knew that life was not as easy as painted by many. And he knew that he was not all that good as his academic records say or as his parents think. Soon his fears started becoming reality. He was not getting his dream job. He stopped dreaming. He was seeing failure on the horizon and he stopped hoping. He wanted someone to guide him. But there was no one as friends would always say one thing, “Don’t worry man! You will live and remember you are not the only one.” And parents always said, “No need to worry, you are the best so you will get the best out of life.”

He was getting jeers, sympathy, preaching and all other things that he didn’t want. The only thing that he needed was advice on what to do; how to manage his self. How could he prove to everyone that his recent bad behavior was due to his bad situation? That was when his father gifted him a book; a book that his father has not read himself.

He opened the pages and started reading, the more he read the better it got. And then he came to a page that read, “Our behavior is a function of our decisions and not our conditions.” And the page that said ‘Responsibility’ is the ability to choose response. And he was sold to the idea. He changed, as the book has shown him that he had the power in him to be responsible, to choose his response.

He didn’t become a totally different person, but he started taking ownership of his behavior and his surroundings and things eventually improved.

Now 16 years later he is doing way better in his life both professionally and personally, than what he thought he could. The lines from that book and many others that he had read after that are stored in the folds of his brain to resurface when needed.

He owes a lot to that book. And the news that the author of the book died in an accident, sadden him. He wanted to meet the author and say thanks in person. But then he realized that with millions of copies sold of just that one book (and many more books and articles and lectures) how many lives the author must have touched and improved. The best way to thank a coach is to play a great game out there, and so I will.

Adieu teacher, Dr. Stephen Covey. You will be missed. Many thanks for the gifts that you have left in the form of books and articles that will benefit people for generations. I am sure now, like always there are many men and women out there unsure about what they should do and your words will stand beacon to them like they have been for me for last 16 years.

PS: The book was “7 Habits of Highly effective people” and after that it was “Principle Centered Leadership” and “First Things First” that help me shape things in my life

Prioritize priorities!!!

“What if you find out that your priorities are all set wrong?” his words hit me like a thunderbolt. I don’t even know his name. He must be at least 80 years old. We are members of same gym and I have seen him many a times on the floor. And even exchanged greeting nods a few times; but we never spoke. Yesterday when I was standing near the barbell and thinking of picking it up he came from the other side and he wanted the small step stool from behind my barbell bench. I helped him in getting that and that’s where the conversation started.

“Do you come to gym daily?” He asked

“No, but I have been trying to be regular on the weekends at least.” I replied

“Do you have kids?” he asked

“Yes 2 boys, older close to 6 and younger just turned 2”

“Is your wife regular in gym?”

“No she is typically once a month schedule, at an average.” I smiled

“Tell her it is important. You know I met this cyclist a few days back, who was in excellent shape. And I asked him if he workout regularly. He said he does cycle for at least 1 hour daily and then goes to gym at least 4 days a week. When I suggested that I am struggling on how to work around the other priorities like family, work, and social obligation etc to make time for this? And he replied ‘what if you find out that your priorities are all set wrong?’ And that made me think.” He just re-lived the whole conversation without waiting for me to react. And he continued.

He continued talking, but my ears were shut to hear any word after that, my mind was replaying the line again and again; “What if you find out that your priorities are all set wrong?” It flashed to me that my priorities were certainly not aligned right. And then another line flashed in my mind, “secure your oxygen mask first before you help anyone needing assistance…” Common wisdom retold as soon as you board any flight.

In order to fulfill anything at work, home, with kids, wife, parents, and society even my own dreams, I must be there 100%. Bad health, chronic (or acute) ailments and all the related things that bad health brings, make sure that I am anything but 100%.  So, good health should be kept even before priority number one. And then another statement dug itself out from the million folds of memory. A line that my parents used to say when I was a kid and they even say it now, “पहला सुख निरोगी काया read as Pehla sukh nirogi kaya” (Bliss starts with a healthy body). Well I have been hearing things like this for many years but could never relate to them. May be I never wanted to. But now all this not only make sense, but also seems the most important thing to do. And now it flashed, that healthy body is the beginning of bliss as body is the door to all experience. And one can be doing good for family or kids or office only if one is healthy, fit and 100%. One with oxygen mask secured 1^st will ensure that he or she doesn’t pass out due to lack of oxygen before even completing assistance to others.

Setting my priorities right is the top priority for me this week. And my friend from gym, I don’t know his name and I don’t know why he spoke to me in the first place. But I know for sure that he had valuable information to share with me that day and a valuable lesson to teach. (When the student is ready The Teacher appears) I will ask him for his name when next time we meet on the floor; so that when I am his age and sharing this lesson with someone at my current age; I will be able to ascertain that his legacy continues.

But for whoever reading this, my family, my friends you all know that for the most part your priorities need some shaping up too. I hope I won’t forget what I have learnt and stick to this regimen. And I hope many years later we do talk about this day and feel good about this decision. Stay Healthy!!

सपना और उधेष्य

सपने वैकल्पिक हो सकते है

उधेष्य अनिवार्य हुआ करता है

सपना उधेष्य जब बन जाये तो 

उसका विकल्प नहीं होता |

हो चाहे जैसी भी राह

विश्वास वही जो थमना न जाने 

अनदेखे कल से डर, हो जड़ जो

वो संकल्प नहीं होता ||

The Weather; the Coffee and all that Life is!!

“You enjoy the weather and the coffee.” She said from the other side of the phone. “Well ! Of course,” was my response. The weather had been very hot lately and today unexpectedly it rained for a couple hours. It rained enough to wash and drench the whole city. Now the coffee; I am a big fan of strong coffee from Starbucks. I had asked a friend of mine to bring me a large mug of coffee while returning from lunch. As I was busy with the work today that I didn’t get time  for lunch. The other thing that I loved was cooler temperatures and just before this rain it was above 100 degree Fahrenheit for last few days, this rain just cooled it down to high seventies. However the weather forecast says that this cooling was short lived, it will reach back to 100 later in the day. 

Still at this moment it was mid seventies outside so it was worth enjoying. When I thought about it again, I couldn’t help but smile. It was mid seventies OUTSIDE. Inside the office it was the same, 70 degree as always. I stopped working for a while and moved towards the other side of the floor, the side that had the huge glass wall from where I could see outside. The roads outside were wet and the trees had appear washed and rejuvenated with the rain. It actually looked lot more pleasant outside than usual. So it really is a reason to enjoy, though the fact is that nothing changed for me due to this rain. I am still in the same chair, doing the same work, under the same cold 70 degree set air-conditioning, thanks to the excellent air-conditioning in the office building. I thought of my friend who works just down the street and who has a sliding door window in his office room. I am sure he will be sitting on his chair with that window open at this moment, smelling the freshness or the air and hearing to the sweet melody of the rain. He might be even singing in chorus with the trees and the birds who just had this big relief from the heat.

So now I am happy, enjoying, though the truth is that nothing changed for me. Just the scene outside the glass wall changed. The Screen Saver on the big screen of the outside world changed. I can not feel the drop in outside temperature as I never felt the heat outside as well. I know the flowers and the leaves and the grass are more fragrant now as the soot is washed off them and the heat is taken out, still I can not smell that fragrance sitting in here. The rain drops falling on the glass on the other side of this glass wall must be creating a melodious symphony, but my ears are deaf to that melody, thanks to the sound proof glass windows of the office. So nothing changed and still I am happier. May be from the data bank at the back of my mind, I experienced it all. My mind played an old memory which made me feel the rain on my temples. It made me smell the fragrant, freshly washed trees and flowers. It made me tap my foot to the melodious raindrop symphony. It made me sing in chorus with the birds outside. I could feel the joy making my face glow and making me enjoy everything around me, even the work that had been quite frustratingly challenging for last few days, and of course the coffee, my warm and sweet cup of Starbucks.

The rain is over and it will be even hotter (and humid) when I step out of this office later in the day. I know that, I even know I will not like stepping out in that kind heat, just a few hours from now. Even after I know all this I am happy for something that happened out there. This all makes me think, it is never the weather or the situation, not even the coffee, it is always the perception that changes the things. I could have made my self upset thinking that things are getting so good outside and I am stuck with my computer and my chair and the crazy work in this situation.

It is same as watching a movie where good wins over evil in the end, and some people move out of the theater inspired and feeling that what ever evils are there in the life eventually the good in me will win over it. The other bunch of people walks out of the same movie cursing their fate that if it could happen right for the guy in the movie why is it not happening for me? And both of them are right.

When ever I am gripped with any similar thoughts, they always end up in the same understanding.

“Things do not change; the perception does. The life states are always the same, the way we see life, changes the way we live it. And the way we live in turn changes the way we see. And this whole changes the way we are and the way we are changes the way we live.”

 The power is never out there, it is always in here. When ever I reach to this conclusion, that is when ever I think about similar things, I feel really empowered. The flip side of it is that I loose all my excuses when I feel this way. If I have the power to change things for myself and for people around me, then I am in control. And when I am in control then I own what ever happens. Good or bad, what ever happens is my ownership. Now this in turn puts everything off hook. The weather, the people, the seasons, the work, the health, the relations, the love, the hate, the success, and the failure everything becomes secondary. Everything is either a life situation or an outcome of my actions and my decisions or may be both. But which ever way I see it, I am the one to be credited for all good and I am the one to be blamed for all wrong.

With power come the responsibility and this is the age old fact. I can not change it, no one can. And thinking again and again leads to discovering again and again the same fact, that my life is always my responsibility. I am free to choose my response and my life and hence I am responsible for my life. And not only that I am some bit responsible for the life of everybody around me. I pose many a time as a stimulus for people and make them choose their acts, similarly as the people around me make me choose my act.

Above all I am significantly responsible for her, and she for me.

“Who is she?” “Is that what you just asked?” Did you miss the start? She is the one who made me think with her one small comment. Read again the 1^st line the opening line of this whole thought chain. It all started with her “You enjoy the weather and the coffee” comment. She is my wife, my other half (mostly my better half  or not so much better at times same as I am for her.) All I want now is to share this page with her and see how she responds? She is equally responsible for her life, my life, our life. She shares the power and hence the responsibility. I did enjoy the rain and the weather without feeling it directly because I shared it with her, or rather because she shared it with me when she asked me to enjoy it. And I chose to enjoy when I was asked to do so. Happiness is easy to get, if one wants to get it. Isn’t it?

Between Dream and Reality

Note: We all dream and dreams however weird they may appear at times, still come from somewhere. Read the brief rendezvous with a situation and decide if this is real or unreal and think what if your definition of real needed an amend. if you like this then I will share some similar experiences!!

-Nikhil

Soaked with sweat, and panting for breath, he opened his eyes, it was dark, the bright light was nowhere, the dangerous creatures were gone and the noise was nowhere to be heard, it must have been a dream. He gulped down a few big sips of water and wiped some sweat off his forehead. Still he was not able to believe that all it was just a dream, it all looked so real. The way he was being chased by the monsters and the way his family was standing there at a distance watching terrified, the faces white with horror. The heads changing on the same bodies, one moment it was his mother the next it was his brother and immediately next the college professor and after a while it was his uncle who died a few years back. What was it? His heart was beating fast and he was trying to understand if all that was real or is this real thing and that was just a dream. “Are you all right?” she asked, he looked at her. This was his wife sleeping by his side, obviously disturbed by his sudden waking up and obviously concerned about his condition. “Yes, I am fine; I guess I had a bad dream.” He replied. “You should drink water before you sleep and pray before you step in bed, so you will not have these bad dreams.” She sounded like a granny. “You and your ideas,” he smiled and kissed her forehead, so it was just a dream and this is reality, he assured himself and closed his eyes.

There he was in front of the inferno again.  The monsters were back and looked as dangerous as before. The terrified crowd of people he knew had some new faces now and all of a sudden one of them jumped out of the crowd and started walking towards him, laughing somewhat dangerously. So you thinking of that cozy bed and that loving wife, dreaming again, isn’t it? “No!” he shouted and fought to get himself released from the paws of the beast and ran. The fire from the ferocious mouth of the beast brushed his back and burnt some flesh but in a few seconds he was a lot away from that scene. He was running at his top speed and wanting to flee as fast as possible. The next moment there was his best friend running besides him, “Don’t you think you are in this alone, I am with you.” He said and smiled, his smile turned from friendly to cunning and in a few moments he was none other than the same face who had jumped out of the crowd and mocked him sometime back. He was running, sweat trickling down his forehead, his legs aching. He didn’t seem to want to save his life, he just wanted to be away. He searched his pockets while running and there was a dagger in his back pocket, he pulled it out (surprised at seeing a dagger in his pocekt) and threatened the one on his side, “Leave me now or I may seriously harm you.” And the next moment he was stabbed by his co-runner in the gut, he had not seen the big blade in the other guys hand before, he was bleeding from the cut. The pain was so much, the guy who stabbed him was laughing. It was cruel very cruel.

“What’s wrong?” she was saying as she was looking at his sweat soaked face. He was on the bed. His wife was appeared so worried now. “He stabbed me, I tried to run but I could not outrun him.” He said with a concerned voice. “You must be dreaming again.” She said, he smiled, “I guess you are right, I must have been.”

“You must have been what?” he asked very brutally. “Were you dreaming again? Dreaming about the same comfortable life? Why is it that poor you always get pain and dream of comfort?” mocking sarcasm was obvious in the question.

This is so wrong, one of these two is real and the other is a dream. Both of them can’t be true, both of them can’t be real. One of them has to be real and other one is a dream, but which one.

“But which one is real?” He asked this very loud. “Both of them are both, dream and reality. Each one of these is real in one space and dream in another. These two do not exist at same time and place but these two do exist.” The answer came from his right hand side, he turned his face and was surprised to as the bed appeared way fluffier than usual, more cloud like and his wife was not there anymore, it seemed that the bed was extended all teh way till he could see. “No don’t be afraid you are not dead, and death is not to be afraid of as well.” The same voice was continuing. “You can take me to be your friend, or yourself. As with your habit of identifying people with names you would need to tag me with one so you chose which one. Anyhow; you were in a million dilemmas you were given this movie to watch, that is you at different times in different domains, and the only consistent part is your entity and not your identity.

See clearly and tell me what you look like in either of those places.” He was surprised to acknowledge for the first time that he didn’t see any face or body attached to his entity in either of the scenes. “But I can swear I was there at both the places. I saw myself there.” “Think again, did you see yourself or you felt your presence?” the voice asked. “Well I …. I felt my presence.” He replied. “But what is the point?” He could not see the speaker but felt its presence and felt that it was smiling as well, and then he heard, “That’s the whole point; things do not stay as they are. Good or bad, they change. Life is not just what you see yourself living and living is not all what life is. There is more to it in every direction. A dream is as real as the reality and the reality is as much an illusion as a dream, the mind bends towards convenience and chooses to call it a dream or a reality, in the end both dream and reality is the same and both do exist. The intent should be to be free from the minds choice of words and live the dream and the reality both with full appreciation. If you understand this then it would not matter a whole lot and if this confuses you then also it does not matter a whole lot. Either way the things will go on. The moments of various universes in various space and time is what it is. You are just an entity in the one of the universe and you have the cosmos in you. Many a universe, and many of the time planes and space planes. The best is to accept it and not try to understand.”

Maybe he understood what he should have accepted may be he didn’t may be he didn’t even try or maybe before he could even hear this; he had already moved to chasing the yellow furry tree and the tree for whatever reason was running and screaming like a terrified animal and he tried to ask to no one in particular, “Where am I? is this a dream?” but all he heard was a beast’s howl, because this time he was the beast chasing the furry tree, and the furry tree hoping for the dream to end !!!!

 

Emotional Adhesion

Goodbyes are not my forte, they have never been. I have always been very clumsy and pathetic in saying goodbye. I think I know the reason behind my being that way. Honestly, it is a very scientific one.  I have named it Emotional Adhesion. Let me attempt to explain how this is scientific; stronger the adhesive bond between any two things the more difficult it gets to separate them; and any forced (unavoidable) separation would result in some tear; so the bond will not come out clean, it would rather be Clumsy. Same principle of Adhesion applies here. I have strong Emotional Adhesion properties. I get attached to people (it is always due to the fact that people are wonderful, God’s best creation. And everyone is so unique and so loaded with exclusive qualities, that the attachment becomes obvious.)

Like all the fingers in the same hand have different sizes similarly all the bonds one develops do not have same strength. However in my case even the weak ones are bonded well enough to cause the rip at separation. And the person whom today is the day to say goodbye is one of the stronger ones. May be in my professional circles the person I am talking about is one of the strongest if not the strongest of the bonds.

It has been many years since we are working together and without going into the Org-Chart details, I would say that he has been a mentor and at times a beacon. With his admirable traits of building relationships, being fun, strategic thinking (even in most difficult of the times), carrying a very long fuse in terms of his temper and caring for his people even when he is not making it obvious. He has mostly been a role model. 

Not that he has always been right (in my eyes). We had disagreements at times and I had openly confronted him in group and in person, and he had kept channels open for such confrontation. So that was another learning received through association with him. His career growth over last few years had been excellent, but all that was expected based on his qualities.

Anyhow today is the day to say goodbye to him, and I as usual will have no courage to say it, especially not face to face. May appear like a weakness but it isn’t. It is strength; Strong Emotional Adhesion is developed out of this inherent strength. It is the strength that enables to develop a strong bond; emotional adhesion!

Strength, weakness, being naïve, impractical or whatever this is phenomenon may be referred to as, I don’t care today. Today I am sad that a good friend and a mentor is moving away. I am certain that he will be successful, because that is how he is. And there will be people benefiting from his association in the new location. So in the big scheme of things this is happening for good. But still I will not try and gather courage for face to face goodbye. So here it is;

All the best my friend; you know who you are. And so-long; till we meet again!!!