simple is effective

I never had any doubts about this theory. Growing up in a middle class family in India in eighties some things were itched in my personality by my parents like,

Honesty is the best policy, NO EXCEPTIONS.

Good wins over evil in the end, ALWAYS.

The darkest hour is just before the dawn, EVERY NIGHT.

In the present times, many of us think that this is too old school. But these “old school” values have never failed me . And I am certain that they will not fail me in the future too. But am I really certain? I doubt, if I was certain then I should not fret when the ‘nights are too dark,’ BUT I DO. I should not feel frustrate when someone is shoving honesty down the drain and stating untrue things in discussions (and even getting admiration for that), BUT I DO (even when I know that the appreciations earned this way are too short lived). I should not panic when my Meek Good meets a Strong Bad adversary (and such encounters are common), BUT I DO.

So I believe in some good things, that I learnt when I was too little and after many years I believe that all those are good enough to fight and win the daily battles. But I doubt and doubt makes me fragile. Making mistakes when frail is common and then blaming the strength of the weapons for the loss is common too. I do understand this, in theory always and in practice during good times. Why doesn’t this wisdom stay with me always?

If you force the flow of water then the flow will cease to be natural, and cease to be simple. So all I need is undying faith in the principles that I learnt as a kid and follow them always. 

Today was one of those  dark days and for the most part I did stick to “honestly being my only Policy” in the debates and at the end people seem to have understood (though some of them very reluctantly) and now I think the doubts I had before the debate were not required at all.  I am not sure what should I do for this doubt and fear, so may be for now I will do nothing about it.

I have heard, Fear and Pain are important as they keep you alarmed and out of the harm’s way.

Okay, enough of my blabbering for now. Hope you did get what I wanted to say ... and maybe you experience some of that values vs doubt clash too. If yes then it is a good thing, as I am not too comfortable being alone :)

Trust

He looked at us with helplessness in his eyes. His whole body and his wailing were pleading us to make things better for him. I looked back and softly said in my mind “it is okay son, this is for your benefit.” And I am sure he heard that, as he looked at me in disbelief and then cried “mummy!!!” transferring his pleas to his mom.

This is our 21 month old son getting a urinary tract X-Ray. It is an extremely uncomfortable procedure especially for his age. And at this age this is not supposed to make any sense to him. I am sure he felt betrayed and upset that we; his parents took him to these strangers who laid him on a cold table with a few layers of lead and then injected a dye to check things. How can something so painful be good? But it is important to know if his condition has improved and by how much. A condition that was first noticed when he was a 5 month old in his mother’s womb; thanks to the modern day medical imaging techniques.

After a bit of struggle and cries; he submitted to it and stopped shaking. He was still sobbing and upset, but his eyes showed neither anger, nor hurt, just sad submission with a gleam of Trust. I think he knew that we; his parents; will not let anything harm him and our being there with him reassured him.

I have a feeling that one day when he grows up, he will remember this and he will understand that we were always on his side. All we want; like any parents; is to make sure that our kids are doing well in life and staying healthy and happy. Kids can mostly take that for granted. I, as a kid always did, and few times when I had struggled to understand my parent’s motivations behind certain actions; became so obvious when I grew up and even more clear when I became a father.

Now the good news, his condition is better than it was the last time this test was done almost 18 months ago. This indicates his body is making things better for himself. An amazing machine, the human body, it self-heals; self-cures and take care of itself if left to do the same. 

We are waiting for him to be fully well on this side and off antibiotics. We were very upset when we first found out about this. But now having visited the doctors a few times in last 20+ months and having discussed things in detail; we have stopped being sad and worried from inside. Both I and his mother looked at the almighty in the core of our heart and display the same; submission with Trust. We know things are all good as the ONE we looked towards will not let anything harm us.