...From back of my Notebook

I scribble things at the back of my notebook to keep me anchored during the storms encountered daily. Thought of sharing some of those here………..

My Problems change size and behavior based on how I see them. (My old ‘Stress’ glasses always make them look bigger and scarier)

One step at a time is still the best way to cover a thousand miles

Only limits that work for me are the ones that I decide

When I don’t decide for myself then I end up living someone else’s decision for me and I don’t always like that

When I own up to my mistakes, it becomes so much easier to get a solution

When I feel good, I look good ---- (Okay! Stop laughing, I really do)

When I am happy the weather gets better (you may say it just appears better and not actually get better, I can bet it does get better; try it yourself)

I am responsible for my behavior ALWAYS (same as anyone else; so I don’t need to be stressed by how someone else behaves)

Whatever the challenge is, I don’t lose as long as I don’t give up

Though I think I never won a lottery, but getting born into a family like mine and then getting a wife and kids like I have is no less than a hitting a jackpot

I diminish my chances to win as soon as I start to lose my temper

When you spent 15 hours days at work to circumvent a challenge, the happiness of achieving success after that however big but can never ease the guilt of missing your Son’s school play

When I don’t like someone the feeling is usually mutual

I can be as good (or as bad) at something as I really want

The faster I run in the wrong direction, quicker I get lost (but many a times the focus is expected to be on speed and not direction; and I never understand that logic)

RANDOM ACTS OF AFFECTION

That was a crazier than usual day at work. Nothing seemed to be running right. The results were not as expected and we couldn’t see any problem with our process or with the tools, so everyone was baffled and frantically looking for a reason at the least; if not a solution. Everyone was in a bad mood as these results were a product of 2 days and 2 nights of work by the whole team. The frustration was obvious and the debates were budding into small arguments with in the team.

Not being able to take it anymore and having no intention to be unpleasant with the people who have been sacrificing their personal life for many weeks on this task, I stepped out of the room. Wandered in the corridors to realize that there was no one else in the office; “of course no one will be here as today is Sunday; and the weekend off for most of the people” my inner self sarcastically reminded me.  I went to the break room and mixed hot chocolate with some mint tea and the result was unbelievably refreshing.  I went back to the room smiling after a few sips of the warm concoction and announced, “Guys let us have a Mint-Chocolate break.” And then I brewed the mix for all of them. The tension dissolved from the air in a few minutes after that step and the whole room was alive, more cheerful and appeared a much better place than it had been a few minutes before.

What was that? I couldn’t understand what happened there, but that change in the atmosphere of that room was so obvious that I couldn’t shake it off my mind. In that thought I reached home later that evening, of course we had still not found a solution or even a reason for the problem at work.  My wife was obviously upset as she had to manage the home and the kids all by herself on the weekend. Usually I will be angry when she is upset on a day like that and my plea will be, “Hey! I have been working and not partying so why are you upset?” but that day was different. I didn’t get upset at her; I just hugged her thanked her for managing kids and chores all by herself and asked her what she wanted to eat; a genuine offer to cook dinner of her liking. Next moment she was in kitchen with me chopping vegetables (a task that I know she never likes). So again there was a moment of the thickness in the air dissolving because of a small gesture.

Starting next day if I try to make the mint-chocolate drink religiously for my team or offer to work in kitchen with my wife; it will not have the same effect. I have been thinking of those two examples and many more similar instances when something is done just to break the monotonous gloom and it results in a wonderful outcome; as if a magic wand has moved the clouds away and made the Sun shine brighter.

I thought about this and found one thing common; my actions were driven out of genuine appreciation and affection, they were unplanned (random) and there was no outcome that I was targeting. So I started calling these actions, “Random acts of affection.” And I am seeing a lot value in these random acts (I have tried a lot of these and always have gained one thing if not many, and that one thing is contentment combined with happiness.

Why don’t you try some of it and experience the benefits first hand and tell me if it works for you.

This can be for a coworker, for your kids, for your parents, your spouse, friends and almost anyone. And in my experience almost always there are results that are way too positive and totally unexpected.

Just few things to note about “Random Acts of Affection”

ONE-Randomness is the key- These should be Random (even when you plan something, the recipient should not be aware that you are doing it and there should be no obvious reason to do it)

TWO-Honesty is the best policy- Be genuine, be honest in what you say or do. A Fake act to just please someone is always going to backfire

THREE-Heart over Mind- Do not put too much logic in to preparation or delivery; listen to your heart and act on it.

FOUR- Creativity – Be creative especially on the things that you do for your closest friends and first family as repetition would be monotonous and also will take the beauty of Randomness out.

FIVE-It begins at home- If you don’t like it, then don’t do it. It should make you genuinely happy and when it does that, it will make the recipient’s day.

SIX-Don’t expect 3^rd law- Newton’s 3^rd Law of motion loosely stated here “Every action has a reaction” should not the expected outcome. The only real gain (if at all you have to look for a gain here) is the happiness and calm these acts bring to you. If you are expecting something in return then you are setting yourself for a failure and entrapping yourself in the vicious ‘cause and effect’ cycle that sways the happiness away.

What are you waiting for go try it!!!!

Some friendly help for the first timers (A list of Random Acts of Affection)

• ·         Tell your wife/husband how pretty/handsome she/he looks
  ·         Cook your spouse’s favorite dinner
  ·         Send email/text with a note of affection to your spouse, parents, siblings
  ·         Help (unasked) on unexpected things (Have you tried polishing shoes for your wife, kids, parents when they didn’t ask or didn’t know that you were doing that? Or ironing someone’s cloths for work proactively; just out of affection?)
  ·         Get candies for your coworkers and friends
  ·         Give water/juice/soft-drinks to the landscaping guys working in your community on a hot summer afternoon.
  ·         Call your parents (if they are away) to tell them how much you love/miss them
  ·         Hug your kids/parents/siblings/spouse
  ·         Say “I love you” to your spouse, siblings, kids, parents, friends even when the other is acting angry/ unreasonable / acting odd
  ·         Say “I will be there; no matter what” to your spouse, siblings, kin, kids, parents, friends even when they are facing criticism/are unsure of results/facing an exam/not appreciated for their work (and be there for them)
  ·         Say “I know how you feel” when someone in family or work or friends is hitting a low and not only say it feel it too. Just be there
  ·         Show that you believe in someone even when they are unsure about themselves

Send me what you tried and also share your experience.

Again! What are you waiting for? Go try some random acts of affection!!!!

Complaint!!!

Fighting fires should be the routine for a Fire Fighter same as Rocket Science should be routine for a Rocket Scientist.

If you are a kindergarten teacher and you fought a small fire that had started in the break room, then you are a hero. But the same kindergarten teacher handling a group of twenty kids all less than 6 years old, visiting a museum is just her routine job so no heroic deed. However It is certainly heroic for a fire fighter to handle that bunch of kids(The same fire fighter who could manage to control a fire in a high rise office building saving lives, as a part of his routine job)

Being heroic is not a matter of what you do; but a matter of what you do outside your vocation.  And then there are those rare situations that do not fit any ones routine job; how well one handles those determines if the person is a hero.

I have heard so many times from people around me, complaining about their jobs. Complaining about things that are a part of their basic job description and I feel sad at hearing those. Feel sad because those complaints point that either they are not in the right job or they are just not in the right mind set and both these situations are damaging and sad. And even gloomier is the fact that complaining about job is just in vogue for a very long time.

Look all around you and you may see the kind of people I am talking about. And I am sure you may see that there are a lot of them. At stores, in metro stations, restaurants, malls, hospitals, banks, hotels, airlines; where ever you go; you see those people who display that they are unhappy with what they do.

I was thinking really hard about it lately to see if I am one of those; so I happily and proudly state that I found I am not. After having discovered that, I am making conscious choices to ensure that I don’t give a false impression of being unhappy when I am not.

There are always situations worth complaining about; like the kindergarten teacher in the museum with 20 kids has all right to complain if she finds that the only working bathroom is on the 4^th floor and the elevators are not working. The fire fighter can complain when the hose doesn’t reach the upper floors of a high rise in distress.

So after a lot of introspection I am sure I complained for a reason mostly. Except for my other job, (Raising my kids); where I have complained at times for their being loud or naughty.  That should be the norm on that job and not worth complaining. And honestly I would not even like if they are too quite. May be if they don’t throw food crumbs on floor and take a little better care of their toys after they are done playing, I will be happier. However this morning I was angry as we were getting late in getting ready for school/day care/ office and I complained and almost screamed. I knew that was not right, it will not happen often.

Having said all the above; it will be naive to think that there is never a reason to complain. Some of the complaints have motives valid enough; like the fire fighter right at a situation finds that his or her gear is insufficient or the building occupants are not listening to the instruction. The teacher dealing with kids adamant on using the 4^th floor bath room when there was a bathroom on the ground floor or situations like that.

Now that I have thought about this I will be more careful when I whine. Because if building rockets was too difficult for me; I should not have been an engineer at NASA and if I could not stand the aroma of spices being heated then I should not have been a chef and if the site of  a wounded person makes me dizzy then I should not have chosen to be a doctor. 

I do what I do because I like it so I DO NOT grumble about the challenges that are a part of the routine (And that includes facing the curve ball while batting, provided I am not asked to play with blind folds and the bat is not snatched from my hands right when the ball is coming my way)

.....And that is a promise!!!

Contentment

But you already ate the ice cream, did you not? Yes! but why can I not get the candy? The kid replied, before starting to sound upset. And next moment he was sobbing. Now you are being greedy and not thankful, really ungrateful, his father said in a stern voice. Any adult watching can see that the kid was being greedy and obviously wrong. Why does he want more? After all, it is important to understand; even at this age, that one must be content with what he gets. Instead of crying he should have enjoyed the treat he just got and thanked his dad, and that might have earned him more stuff later.

Well, I'm watching this scene and thinking, where did the kids learn this from?  We were not like that when we were kids; right? “I never did something like this when I was your age” I could hear his dad say this as if reading my thoughts.

Before the next part of the scene unfolds; a shiny white car stops in the mall's parking lot. And with that my mind just stops. And everyone’s eyes (including that kid’s dad’s) turn towards the car. I could figure that everyone’s thoughts just got over written by the beauty and the glamour of the car. And one common thought in all those minds

Wow! I wish I had a cool Bentley like that........

PS: Modeling contentment is important but certainly not easy. What do you think?

God-Flower Revisited

February 4th 2013:

The God-Flower; even after a few small and a few not so small Snows showers, extremely below freezing temperatures, and all that the weather could bring (Rain , Sleet , Winds etc.) is there on that bush. More than 2 months after it originally blossomed!! 

Withered, frozen, weak but there, hanging in, defying the standards; all the flowers from Spring Summer time lost the petals within a week of blooming. But this is different. The resilience this flower has displayed in the adverse climate is astonishing.

Withered but There The GOD-FLOWER

It challenges the norms pushes way out of the limits. Certainly this is not typical for a flower to stand all that weather and still retain all its petals tethered to the core, shrunken and seemingly lifeless, but not letting it go.

Anyhow, nothing about this flower had ever been normal. Its being THE GOD-FLOWER instilled the faith in us to see it this way or may be the Faith that was invested by my God-Sent philosopher manifested into it making it the God-Flower. Whatever the reason; it stays, continuing the promise of celestial protection.

Somethings; are so obviously God-Sent!!

PS: Link to original post (God-Flower) God-Flower (posted in December)
http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2012/12/god-flower.html

School Bus Stop

Usually morning here is a chaotic marvel, extremely happy yet way too disordered. This is the bus stop where atleast 20 kids from our community ride their bus to go to school every morning.

It used to be right on the main road with lots of cars and utility vehicles and everything else moving a lot close to these kids. Every morning the road was crowded with people rushing to their jobs and on the side walk parents standing behind the queue made by kids waiting for the bus. All of them used to stand at their designated place in the line with one very nice kid making sure that the order is maintained. Sometimes one of the kids will just forget that order and will try to do something more appropriate for the kids that age (monkeying around in common language); and the parents will skip a beat as the road was so close. I have witnessed some nervous parents screaming at their baby for breaking the order of the line obviously out of concern for the safety of their child.

Finally after frequent deliberation and consistent requests the stop was moved to the gate of the community. Our own part of the road; where no cars or vehicles zip through as that is the small side road only for the people living in our community to go in and out of the community. In addition to that the circle at the end of the road provided a sizable grassy area for the kids. The 1^st day stop was shifted to that spot; the parents in chorus let go a sigh of relief and the kids following that chorus screamed in ecstasy knowing that they have got the morning freedom they were always dreaming for.

Now every morning till the bus arrives; giggling, running around, kicking the leaves, playing tag and above all being happy is what the kids do. Though it all appears chaotic, but still it is so beautiful to watch. And I am sure it makes the day for most of us parents.

Last few days have been extremely cold with mercury dipping way below freezing especially in the morning; so every child comes dressed in thick jackets and caps and mittens. The running around is slower than usual. The kids, no matter how active they are; have started listening to the nature and responding to it too. 

Today was way extremely cold in the morning; even compared to last few days. The temperature dipped to 16 degrees below freezing if one counts the wind chill factor (well that is around 3 degree Fahrenheit for those of you who do not follow the metric scale). I was worried about my son and all the other kids at the stop who were to stand in that cold waiting for the bus. When I reached the stop I saw this wonderful sight, all the kids were there, no one was running around. Their usual companion; the soccer ball; was missing. They all huddled up in a corner standing very close to each other chatting, laughing, and feeling the warmth from each other.

Kids; aged from 5 years to 11 years. Kids; coming from different homes. Kids; who have been asked to follow different faiths and religious practices by their parents. Kids; belonging to different parts of the world. Kids; Coming from different races, different skin color, different genders and different everything. All huddled together, helping each other to stand against the cold weather. No one taught them to do that. They all knew that a difficult situation like this weather can be faced by staying together.  They all learnt this, without being taught, directly from the nature.

 And there it was; the vision for the future of world for me. They are what the future can be for this World unless we grown-ups corrupt their minds and teach them to be different. Something that had mesmerized me with its beauty just a few minutes back startled me with the powerful message it was conveying.

“Why do kids always have to listen to parents and learn from them?” My son had asked me many a times in the past, especially after being denied too many candies. “Because parents are older than kids and know more things than them, but you can teach me things that you know and I don’t” had always been my answer. Always thinking that it might be many years later when he will really have something to teach me. But today I stand corrected; he and his friends have taught me something great today.

God Bless you kids; if you always stay how you are now then this World will be a very beautiful place. And thanks for making my day start with so much Hope.

उन्नति की ओर

कहीं कोई जानवर सा 

इंसानों को ही नोच खा रहा है 

कही कोई मासूम बच्चो का खून बहा रहा है 

कोई देश दुसरे पे आग की बारिश है करता 

तो कोई झूठे मान के नाम पे अपना ही वंश जला रहा है 

                 कहाँ जा रहे है हम?

                 है यही उन्नति तो विनाश सी क्यों लग रही?

दिलों में डर, घरों में दहशत है 

इंसान मूक ताकता नाच रही वेह्शत है 

अच्छाई हर दिन कमज़ोर होती जा रही 

बलाएँ रक्तबीज सी हर रोज़ बढ़ती जा रही 

संस्कार दकियानूसी और अल्पसंख्यक हो रहे 

मॉडर्निज़्म* के नाम पे बेशर्मी मुस्कुरा रही       (*Modernism)

"सब सरकार की गलती है" कह अपना फ़र्ज़ टालते 

खुद पे जब आ जाती तो चीखते - पुकारते 

सडको पे निकल, बसें जलाते पत्थर बरसाते और गुस्सा निकालते 

यदि सीखे होते कभी पडोसी को भाई मानना 

तो कहाँ दुसरे देश पे बमों की बारिश करते?

अपनी माँ के आँचल में सोये होते तो 

क्यों किसी की बेटी को बेईज्ज़त करते?

आँखों में पानी होता अगर तो 

क्यों न उमर के तुज़ुर्बे की इज्ज़त करते?

फूलों भरा चमन देखा जो होता 

नन्हे बच्चों की मासूमियत की हिफाज़त करते 

पर शायद समय ही नहीं मिला कुछ लोगो को 

ज़िन्दगी की खूबसूरती समझने का 

उन्नत होने की दौड़ में इंसा होना भी भूल गए 

                कहाँ जा रहे है हम?

                है यही उन्नति तो विनाश सी क्यों लग रही?

अब भी कही थोड़ी सी उम्मीद है बाकि 

है दिलो में सो रही इंसानियत, जगा दो उसे 

डरी ही सही, हिम्मत बटोरो और हौसला दो उसे 

छू के पांव किसी बड़े के थोड़ी दुआये लो 

कर के कुछ अच्छा किसी बिखरते को आशाएं दो 

संस्कारो का मूल्य समझ के उन्हें गर्व से अपनाओ 

अपने कर्मो के बल पर ही अपनी पहचान बनाओ 

छोड़ दो उस दौड़ को जो झूठा दम्ब दे रही 

किसी बच्चे को हँसा कर सच्ची ख़ुशी पाओ 

उन्नति वही है जो समृधि दे सके 

खुद को ही नहीं दुसरो को भी रिद्धि दे सके 

इन्सान की औलाद हो इन्सान बन कर जियो 

पीना ही है तो किसी का दुःख पियो 

उन्नति वही है जो सब को उन्नत करे 

ऐसा भी क्या उठना की बाकी सब छोटे लगें?

बढ़े बनोगे तब ही जब सोच को बढ़ा करो 

फेसबुक*  की फ्रेंड लिस्ट#  के मापदंड पे    (*facebook   #Friendlist)

खुद का बड़प्पन नापना छोड़ दो 

है वही उन्नति जो सब को ख़ुशी दे 

है वही उन्नति जो अधरों को हंसी दे 

है वही उन्नति जो डर को समाज से भगा दे 

है वही उन्नति जो स्वाभिमान जगा दे 

है वही उन्नति जो अपने तक ही न सीमित हो 

पारस की तरह हर छूने वाले को स्वर्णिम आभा दे 

             आओ आज नववर्ष पे उस उन्नति का आह्वान करें 

             जो जीवन का उत्सव (उल्हास और मर्यादा से) मनाना सिखा दे।

 ~~ निखिल डोगरा