अनकहे

An ode to the unsaid .....

अनकहे 

कुछ अनकहे लफ्ज़ जो होठों पे आते रुक जाते हैं 

कुछ अधूरे अरमां दिल में दबे हुए, बस वही सो जाते हैं 

वह सपने जो नींद उड़ा दिया करते थे कभी 

वो भी अनजानों  की तरह अब मिलने को कतराते हैं 

कुछ हवा बदल गयी शायद. या समां बदल गया है 

दुनिया नहीं है पहले सी , यह जहाँ बदल गया है 

वक्त चल रहा हमेशा पर अब रफ़्तार बढ़ गयी 

बस हम बदल नहीं सके, साथ चल नहीं सके 

न मंज़िले वही रही और रास्ता बदल गया 

वो लफ्ज़ बोल भी दो तो, अब कौन है जो सुन रहा है?

 वो "अपने सा बेकार" यार था जो कभी , 

अब वो भी अपनी मसरूफ़ियत है बुन  रहा है 

सपने ग़र आ भी जाये तो, आ के सहम से जाते हैं 

जब अपनी ताबीर की न कोई वजह पाते हैं 

और 

कुछ अनकहे लफ्ज़ जो होठों पे आते रुक जाते हैं 

कुछ अधूरे अरमां दिल में दबे हुए, वही सो जाते हैं 

वह सपने जो नींद उड़ा दिया करते थे कभी 

वो भी अनजानों  की तरह अब मिलने को कतराते हैं 

AQI and We

AQI, I had never heard this term while growing up because my ancestors gave us cleaner air when we were kids. Over years the need for comfort and monitory profit took over and started eclipsing the basic commonsense area. Eventually our generation grew into adults and expedited the process of clouding the commonsense in the name of “development”. And now, few decades later the term AQI became a commonplace term. Air Quality Index; AQI. AQI is not a measure of the quality of air, it is rather the new measure of how material success is kept above the basic need to live. Or in stronger words, it is the measure of total lack of commonsense.

We are so engrossed in our smart devices that we all fulfill our civic duty by forwarding the “grave future” videos showing Air being so toxic that kids may have to live in bubble wraps. We look at the screen in scare and say, this is coming in future, never do we lift our head above the phone screen and look outside the window. Because if we did we will know that the view didn't show the future, it showed the present. Only difference is that since we didn’t look outside so we did not bubble wrap our kids. And they are exposed to toxins worse than the kind concentration camps during World War-II were infamous for. Worse; as the World war-II gas chambers of Nazi era were controlled facilities causing immediate death with in the chambers. Now the gas chambers are spread over large cities with a promise of slow and painful death over time.

I know I am not talking of where I live these days, I am in a better area where an AQI stays around 50 most days or lesser (unlike my friends from New Delhi who live between 500 and 990 kind numbers). 

Sky Line drive (Google Maps)

This weekend I went to the hills with my family to  witness very beautiful fall colors and amazing fall beauty. Other amazing thing to experience there was the air quality. With the flowing river and a million trees the Air in that area is as pure as it can get. But then I understood my mistake, I was driving a car running on fossil fuel and spewing smoke from its exhaust. Agreed one car may not produce enough smoke to cause lasting harm. But the Sun was bright and air was cool that day. That combination had invited many like me. Just before I could enter the beautiful Skyline drive, there was a line of vehicles, a few hundred ahead of me and the line continued to grow behind me as well.

My Wife and I decided to exercise some restraint and not follow the line (and cause more damage, by being one of a few hundred cars driving at a slow speed through those beautiful valleys).We can come some day when the cars are not as many and we can drive at a decent speed thus staying in the valley for shorter time (and spewing lesser smoke into those trees). The colors might not be at their peak, but we will enjoy still.

We just drove past the line and then Nature, like a caring mother, invited us to a beautiful site off the road just 15 minutes away. There was almost no traffic there. We parked our car spent time basking in the beauty of sun filtering through the changing colors of the trees. Beauty of the bend of the river through the valley and the soothing sound of water that was cleansing and giving life at the same time. I was awestruck with the immaculate beauty of nature. I could feel the freshness of pristine air filling my lungs. And deep inside I was ashamed knowing that we (Humans) are responsible for turning this earth from a paradise to hell in the name of development. I apologize to you Mother Earth for myself and fellow humans, and hope good sense prevails. May the greed and the race to decline in the name of development stops. May we humans prove worthy of receiving the tremendous beauty and love and life that you offer.

Meanwhile to my friends in Delhi, India and other so-called big Cities; wake up guys; do your part. Don’t do it for the neighbors or the city or the name, just do it for yourself and your kids. You all at least owe them that much. We all owe a lot to mother earth. High time we wake up.

Good AQI is less than 50 – Don’t forget.

May our children have clean air to breathe always!!!

राम और रावण (re-post)

Note: Originally I wrote and  posted this in 2013, I was reading this today, and felt that I and many I know can still use the message I tried to give myself with this.....

"एक राम दशरथ का बेटा, एक राम घट-घट में लेटा।"
यह कविता प्रयास है उस घट में लेटे राम को समर्पित जिसे हमारे विचार और आचरण बनाते हैं

Ram and Ravan, the most famous characters from hindu mythology. Both opposite of each other. But both have so many similarities. I think it was not the birth or the character that made Ram whom we all worship and Ravan who is despised by generations.Rather it was the choice of actions and the life they lived that decided who gets what status in the eyes of generations to come.Many a times i see we are at that crossroad in our mind where the action we chose will define our life ahead.The poem below is a humble attempt to keep the mind focused while making the choice of action. Please read and comment.


मर्यादा पुरषोत्तम राम और
हठधर्मी मायावी रावण
दोनों ही हर मन के भीतर
लड़ रहे युद्ध निरंतर

राम भक्त शिव भोले के
शंभू का उपासक रावण भी
राम शौर्य की मूरत तो
वीरता का धारक  रावण  भी

राम का त्याग अनुकरणीय तो
रावण का तप भी दृष्टांत योग्य
भरत, लक्ष्मण का बंधुत्व उल्लेखनीय  तो
कुम्भकरण का भ्रत्रिप्रेम भी दृष्टांत योग्य

बस दंभ अगर न करता तो
रावण भी राम सा हो सकता था
जो सीता को न हरता तो
रावण भी राम सा हो सकता था

शिव के वर को पा कर जो
मन में अहम् न आने देता
श्रूप्नखा का सत्य जानता
न स्वयं को छल जाने देता

धीरज से अगला पग धरता
बात से स्तिथि को हल जो करता
तो न राज्य  और कुटुंब गवाता
तो न अपमानित हो मृत्यु पाता

संयम मन में हो तो राम है
निरंकुश दंभ रावण समान है
मन मर्यादा में रहे तो पुरुषोतम
मर्यादा टूटे मन में तो रावण

A Special note for A Special one on A Special day

I write and I write about many things around me. But there are times when one desperately want to write something worthy and finds neither words nor courage to do the same. Today is one such day. Likely one of the most important days when the words should not betray me.

Today that you are turning a teenager. Hard to believe how fast my once little Shaunak has grown and is stepping into the teen life (and has grown almost as tall as I am). A very crucial phase of life is starting today for you

I have a million blessings for you, and I want to back those with a million advises. Not sure how many will stick.

All I can say is dear Son, I have been proud of you most of time. Actually way more proud of you than you have ever been of me. You may at times feel that you deserved an easier father (especially on video game allowance); but I assure you that my love for you covers that shortcoming very well. Any how I am still not sure what 3 houses are you looking for. 😉

But since you are stepping into the teen years, so some ADVICE (that is what a father is for besides other things 😊)

·       Listen to your heart always, but before agreeing to it consult your mom (or me, if she is busy) always

·       Eat well and eat healthy. Taste buds are sometime just a trap...and do exercise regularly

·       Never stop reading (even when you are my age) 

·       Never stop learning, if you know everything about something then rejoice and look for a new area that you can learn about

·       Start writing and start speaking in public forum
·       Never discount the power of your ideas and the power of your thoughts

·      Always Believe in Yourself. Always be proud of yourself and always be humble

·       Always be honest (especially to me and your mom)

·       You can Always count on me and mom (till you don't need us and then we will count on you there after 😀)

·       Your younger brother will always be your best friend. Teach him the values that you want in your best friend (he listens to you always even when he pretends that he doesn't)

·       Laugh frequently, complain never, enjoy everything that life gives.

·       Take full ownership of your actions and the consequences they bring

·       Make world a better place, because you have all what it will take. Only you have to continue nurturing that

·       If ever in doubt, look at yourself from my viewpoint and you will know how confident you should be about your self

·       Above all STAY HAPPY … STAY HEALTHY … STAY HANDSOME… STAY AWESOME…

Love you Shaunak……
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON!!!!!!!

What Saved me - (Promised sequel to What Owns me)

You may not know what I am talking about below if you have not read https://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2019/08/what-owns-me-maybe.html so please read before going further 

Continuing from where l had left.....

Survival was at stake as my work computer had declined to boot. I sent a request to the IT department, but they couldn't do anything till I was back. The remote diagnosis was "can be a windows problem or a hardware issue"

My vote was in favor of hardware issue.

As I landed and rushed to my 1st client meeting of the day, the void deepened. I needed my computer and I needed my presentation. The pre-final copy in my email was good enough when it came to presentation deck. And one of my local team members salvaged the situation by lending his laptop for me to run the presentation on. 

Surviving through the days meetings, it was 7pm and I had no client meetings left for the day. Tomorrow Will be bigger with some key conversations in new client environments and a non-working computer is a bad start.

I picked my car and went on a rescue mission. Stop 1 was "Geek Squad". Who decided not to help (corporate machines cannot be externally booted due to legal complications) After 20 minutes of asking and pleading all I could gather was a lot of sympathy but no solution. They wanted to help, but couldn't and I could understand their reason for that policy.

Having tried some other means, I decided to take direct control of situation. Desperate times call for desperate measures. 

Next stop was a Target store and I was looking for a screwdriver set. They had the larger tools but no precision screwdrivers that I could use. "There is a home depot around 5 miles from here" one of Target employees suggested. I stepped out and then saw a "5 below" store right next to the Target. 20 minutes of going through the aisles, I had a watchmaker set for $3.

It was so precious, "the value of anything depends on its relevance at the time" one lesson that I re-learnt in that moment.

Back at hotel my desk was converted to a makeshift work bench and my computer body laid there, opened using the surgical tools aka watchmaker set from 5 below.

To my delight there indeed was a hardware problem. And an easily fixable one. The SSD card was lose and out of its slot. I pushed it back in the socket and it fit. Next was to put the retainer screw in place. And that is when I found the real culprit. The retainer screw head was smaller than needed. Most likely when this had gone for repair 4 moths back, the technician didn’t pay attention to the screw size. So, with passage of time and usual moves and shakes on the machine the SSD slid and with retainer screw being too small to hold, it slipped out and so the Hard drive was not found when I had tried to switch it on.  Lesson 2 of the day "small and seemingly insignificant details when ignored can prove their importance at worst time".  

A $300 SSD in a $1500 computer came undone because someone ignored the small, almost insignificant 2 cent retainer screw. And the screw proved its importance at a critical time.

I put the SSD back in slot tried some makeshift arrangement to make the retainer work. And the computer was working. Knowing that the solution was temporary, and I will eventually need a very expensive 2 cent screw to provide a lasting fix.

Eventually I handled my computer extremely delicately the next day during client meetings and in remaining of my travel. Finally, I was back in office after the travel  and the weekend that followed. Gave my machine to expert IT team for a permanent fix.

The two most important things that day were the retainer screw a 2-cent value item and the seemingly cheap watchmaker set for a couple of dollars. The issue was fixed. The work was done, and the lessons learnt were valuable.

So, in the end I didn't only survive but emerged richer with a lesson or two at the other end of situation.

What Owns me? ...Maybe....

Few months ago, I wrote a piece "What Owns You"

I was feeling, while writing that, that I am still not as of an "owned property" of a device or a service.  How naive was I?

That morning I woke up bright and early and reached airport for a flight to Chicago. I planned to be in Chicago for next 2 days l. Had multiple meetings with different customers. All good, or that I thought. 

As soon as I board the flight, my coworker emails a file that I had promised that I will review in my flight. I saw the email on my phone and pulled my laptop to download the file before the plane door closes. Don't like attempting to download anything on in plane WiFi. However, before digressing any further, I will continue; so, I attempted to turn my computer on, and it refused to boot. Hard drive not Installed is the error. That didn't appear like an error message but more like a "semi slaughter verdict" ^#

I’ve had same issue 4 months earlier when the manufacturer took 1 week to fix. 

That time it was not felt as harsh. I was in office when that happened and in no time, I had a loaner computer. But now in flight and travel for 2 days following the weekend, another 2 days so practically I might be without my computer for 4 days. That never happens. I am feeling too upset, almost depressed and certainly afraid. How will I survive the trip; how will I survive at all?

Survival seems in jeopardy since computer stopped working. That is where the ownership thought kicked back in. I was still in shock. Making many plans on how to survive next 2 days. Hope I will manage something. Hope it will not be a total disaster. The more I think, more depressed I get. So; work computer; you own me… maybe....

PS: The story doesn’t end here; I am writing this because I did survive; BUT HOW? That part hopefully soon.....

# Semi-slaughtered – A term borrowed from a coworker who used this to represent how he felt in a recent unfriendly meeting environment (can make for another story for another day 😊)

https://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2017/06/what-owns-you.html

REUNION!!

Chisel a few pounds (or add a few in some cases), remove the salt from the salt and pepper hairlines. And there they were, nothing else seem to have changed. There the bunch was, the fun-loving college mates from more than 2 decades ago. We were not in the Hostels (old or new) anymore. Instead in a resort. We had no classes to skip today, for fun activities around the clock. 

Other common was the valleys around us. Not the dusty ones with harsh-weather-ravines from Deccan plateau in India, but lush green Appalachian Mountains of North America with its silky, silvery blue rivulets. But valleys are valleys and who better knows valleys than the one who has lived in Osmanabad.

1994

Any how the time was rolled back 20+ years for most of us. The festivities that lasted for a weekend. The fun, the food the dances the jokes and above all the togetherness as none of us had been staying apart for more than 2 decades.

2019

Spouses joined with equal zeal and familiarity as they have grown to know their respective spouse for years and what anyone of us was without our college experience. The kids got together as if those friendships were coded in their DNA.  And one observation was that although many children had grown into their teens or post teen years but most parents had not aged at all.

We all departed 2 days later, with promises of meeting again. Promises of staying in touch, promises of doing this frequently. And I for one remember similar promises made more than 20 years ago, while leaving the other building near the valleys, that I have not kept well. And I might not be the only one. However this time I am promising myself that I will commit to those promises and will not let them fade away under the day to day situations.

I know this time I will keep them, as I am more mature than I was 20 plus years ago.

I missed seeing some friends that I had known during college days and who could not join this reunion. I have vowed to share the stories and talks with them to make them feel what I felt (and may be make them envious too; after all what are friends for)

Next Gen 

The more I want to write about this the less words I am getting to justify what was lived and felt in those 2 days. I think that is what a beautiful experience is about, not enough words to express. (usually I am not short of words to write, but this was beyond what I can define in words)

So, friends if you were there, if you read it, let me know if you can fill in some better words more fitting the reunion.

I for now will bask in the memories for some time. So long till we meet again!!!

Referring to dictionary I find all the definitions very apt for what it was-

reunion

·         an instance of two or more people coming together again after a period of separation.

·         a social gathering attended by members of a certain group of people who have not seen each other for some time.

·         the act or process of being brought together again as a unified whole.