मसरूफियत का आलम

I once wrote a note about priorities (http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2012/07/what-if-you-find-out-that-your.html ), but talking about something and following the same thing are very different. Years after I wrote that note, I have not seen much change in the way of thinking or doing. Being busy (or masroof -मसरूफ ) is what mostly I do.Many times keeping the health (Physical, spiritual and social health) as a priority #2. Self is ignored everyday for the sake of being busy, so below lines represents the dilemma, when one encounters one self some day?

मसरूफियत का आलम

खुद की ग़र कभी खुद से 

मुलाकात होगी 

सोचता हूँ कुछ इस तरह 

से बात होगी 

खुद को क्यूँ भुलाए रखा 

यह खुद से बताएँगे 

खुद की मसरूफियत के किस्से 

खुद को ही सुनाएंगे 

खुद के बहानों के खोखलेपन को 

खुद से ही महसूस कर 

खुद पे ही शर्मिंदा होंगे 

खुद की शर्मिन्दगी पर खुद ही 

मन में मुस्काएँगे 

खुद को इस कदर भुलाया 

है कब से, कि 

कभी खुद से रूबरू हो गए तो 

खुद को पहचानेंगे कैसे?

और खुद ने ग़र पहचान लिया तो,

नज़रें कैसे मिला पाएँगे?

4 Friends in a Jungle –Story Retold

Four friends are in a jungle. One checks if his shoes are tied well. Others ask, why was he doing that? The first one responds that if a tiger comes to hunt, he wants to be sure that he can run fast enough.

Do you think you can out run the tiger?

Who has to out run the tiger? I have to just out run one of you, he replies with a smile.

The story doesn’t end here…….

Move this scenario to competitive business space, 4 friends (organizations), all trying to outrun each other when “the tiger” (customer’s needs) is chasing them. The 1^st three will survive being just ahead of the other, but for the one who couldn’t stay ahead of the friends must “outrun the tiger”, or gets annihilated.  

The story doesn’t end here as well…………….

The tiger in our story has an appetite that is insatiable so after the last one of the 4 friends is devoured by the tiger, the race to outrun doesn’t end or even slows down, it is just the race to be better than the 3^rd position (as 3^rd is the new last). Usually there are more “friends” joining on the way. The tiger stays on the prowl.

The story still is not over………….

Few who actually outrun the Tiger, gain the Nirvana of the business. They stay good, respected by the Tiger. Until the new tiger (read next generation of consumer expectations) arrives in the Jungle.

And the story starts itself all over again…….'

Note: Resurrection allowed, if one is committed enough

The WORLD we see

“You know Sara has 5 toes in each foot, isn’t that amazing!”

This was the little angel all of 5 years old but he played as a big teacher, if anyone was interested in the learning.

I was sitting on the couch with my wife listening to some challenges, mostly some people not playing a healthy game.

It seems that either they do not understand, or do not care or may be just want to create trouble. My wife mentioned and I was nodding my head in affirmation. I had a few of those who fall in that category and it is always very difficult to deal with that kind, if losing temper is not one of the viable options.

I looked at her face, she was obviously upset and I wanted to say something that helps her but at the same time doesn’t sound too preachy. May be it is the perspective they carry, was all I could say. Obviously I myself was not convinced at that and surely she too couldn't really agree.

And then the little teacher walked in without a prior announcement, all excited and happy when he said “You know Sara has 5 toes in each foot, isn’t that amazing!”. As if he had not seen 5 toes on Sara but seen a baby dinosaur in the backyard.

I looked at my wife and we both smile.

The little angel is blessed with 6 toes on each foot. So his reality stood at having 6 toes as the standard. Perspective explained in a fraction of a moment by the little teacher. I hugged him, kissed his cheek, and offered; “do you want to count mine?” I was sure he will be amazed to see that even I have 5 on each, just like Sara; wasn’t that amazing?

World is not as is, World is as One see with One's own eyes. 

Note: We can accomplish a lot at work, home, society if we keep an open mind to respect (if not understand) the World others may see

REWIND IT?

They say when someone is tired, beyond a limit, physically, mentally or both; one tends to hallucinate.But I don’t; no I never do. 

I have been tired in all possible ways many times in life. Tired to an extent when each pore of the body aches and each nerve of the brain wants to give up. Rest doesn’t seem to be anywhere in sight. I have been in those moments more than once. Actually way more than once. And I never hallucinate. I have rather been very alert. So alert that I even remembered the names of all the angels and creatures I had met during times like that.

Like just 2 night backs; I was turning in my bed. It was late at night. I had a few weeks challenging life situation. Stayed away from the family and worked more than 20 hours a day on different priorities. It can very well exhaust a person. To add to this was jet lag having traveled to the other side of the globe. Now I returned home after that just to be greeted by a severe infection (Some co passenger passed it to me very generously without even letting me know)

So I was tired, sick and down with very high fever that night and not able to sleep. Looking outside the window; the light from the street lamp struggling with the curtain to get inside the warmth of the room. And the insensitive curtain unsuccessfully trying to stop it in frigid outdoors. While all that was playing I could see it. It appeared just some smoke as if a stray cloud has lost its way and came down to peek through the window.

In just a matter of seconds the frail cloud turned into a figure, almost a person with an aura around its body. And instead of being outside the window it was very much inside the room. And it spoke, without speaking and I could listen; without hearing.

Lately you have been thinking a lot about the past triumphs and the past mistakes. What all you did well and what all you could have done better. And your guardian angel sitting in the court above, got very moved by that thinking and negotiated a chance for you. The voice in my head continued. This is an extremely rare chance. Nothing to lose. You get to live your life again Everything can be same still better as you will know the mistakes you made last time and this time you can avoid them. All those wrong turns, you can avoid taking them knowing the consequences beforehand. Though the figure in front of me had a cloud like smoky appearance with no clear features, but I could see a faint smile on the face, again in my mind.

The smile continued as the words; only thing that this big opportunity demands from you is your affirmation. Remember when God decided on free will for the humans; it was clear that all the choices will be made by individuals. I knew freewill concept very well; it has been spoken as freewill, as theory or cause and effect, as what you reap is what you sow and in one word Karma.

Karma; I thought and my unwell, tired face loosened up. I could feel a smile building on my lips. I could see a million moments from my life passing in front of my eyes that I had made a mistake, taken a wrong turn.

Before I could even know, I heard a voice “NO” and that was me, saying No to the opportunity presented to me.

NO? Really? this is rarest of the rare chances, the voice in the mind reminded me. Still my answer is NO I replied, as someday I have told myself that, “There are no wrong turns, only the turns you take and the turns you don’t" #

I am what I am, based on the choices I made. I will be what I will be based on the choices I will make. And I have made a choice not to rewind my life. Even if I do, I will re-live all those mistakes. Journey of life is not a pursuit for perfection it is rather celebrating the imperfections one faces and doing the best with them. My mistakes have been my integral part, part of my being so no rewind for me. Forced to a rewind I will repeat all of those all over again.

In a fraction of a moment, the figure was gone, I didn’t even see it go or even fade away, just gone. In my mind I think I saw a faint smile before it left. It was for such a short period, that I am not sure if it was smile of appreciation or sarcasm or pity. But I may not care as even if it was a mistake to say No, it was my mistake, like the millions others that I have made throughout the journey of life. Mistakes that broke me and rebuilt me and mistakes that just made me what I am today.

See I told you I never Hallucinate. If I were; would I remember any of this and would any of this had made any sense? :)

# From the blogpost dated Apr 2013 http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2013/04/crossroads.html
NOTE: realized it after posting...this is my Century ...100 posts so far...Thanks for reading

Full Circle

“I am not doing this, because you can do it yourself. Come now take the soap and wash your hands, all by yourself. No; I am not going to help; I know you can do it.” I heard the voice from inside a public rest room at a highway gas station. There was a long line outside the rest room as it was occupied for a long time.

Must be someone one with a little child inside; I thought. Some people in the line showed annoyance at hearing that. I would have felt the same way if I didn’t have 2 little boys of my own. Still when there is a line outside and you have been in already for longer than usual; that is not the best time to teach discipline. But as a rule I will reserve making an opinion about the man inside till I see the whole thing (for instance the age and behavior of the child.) 

A few minutes later the man walked out with an apologetic grin on his face. “Sorry; he is very slow at this age and I don’t want to rush him.” He said; turning his head back in the bathroom while extending a hand inside and helped an old man with walking support step out very slowly. “He is 104 years old” the man continued, “and as much as I want to help him, I know letting him do his own things will keep him more active.” I looked at them as they walked slowly towards the small sandwich shop inside the gas station. 

I looked at my 5 year old whom I have to help in bathrooms and at times have similar conversations. So the man I saw was a good son or Son of an excellent dad who instilled such good character in his child that even above 60 years age is still strong. A good family. I looked at my kids and hoped, one day; they will hold on to the values that I and their mother try to teach.

Thanks, unknown father and son; I don’t know your name, but seeing you at the start of my trip made my whole journey pleasant. As long as there are families like you; there is hope in the world. Thanks for displaying that role reversal with such grace and honesty that it showed the full circle of life in that one moment.

I just observed......

I just observed......

The driveway outside of my house has a mind of its own, few days back we had a small get together in our house. Some friends came over and we needed the space on the driveway for them to park the cars. Ensuring minimum folks to use the visitor spots in the community. But the Driveway shrunk and could take only 2 cars, one on each side.

Yesterday when it snowed so heavy, and I started shoveling; the same Driveway stretched to become very long; almost endless. It sure has a mind of its own and it tries to test me with such acts…. And may be the road conspired with it by moving farther than usual.

I have experienced some other things in the life act the same way. They seem to have a mind of their own and that does not always is in sync with what I want. However good I think I treat them; I just observed …..

Fidelity

Recently a very close friend of mine had a big decision to make in his life. And while discussing some things, the discussion zeroed down to one term; by far the most important virtue for a successful relation; Fidelity. We discussed and debated; Right and wrong, Good and Bad. And more we try to untangle this term the more we got tangled in it and then I said…

Fidelity is a very Personal Thing.

The definitions and boundaries are set individually. Society, family, culture and other such things do impact setting of those definitions and boundaries to some extent but not enough to make a sizeable impact to what one’s mind wants to set them at. And it is all fine as long as those definitions are set, boundaries drawn and one stays within. Over stepping occasionally and then coming back is seen as a victory rather than a fallacy.

All is good to that level. The challenge starts when you have people around you. Friends, family and above all your spouse. Boyfriend- Girlfriend, Live in partners or Married couples; one thing that they speak of is mutual trust and unfortunately fidelity is the measure of that trust. You may ask why that is a problem? Think about it; you have drawn your own boundaries and your partner has his or her own. There will be lines covering common areas; there will be lines crossing to cover a little here or there and then there will be lines that cover total uncharted territory for the other. It can go well into a domain very comfortably for one but the same domain for the other can be a big taboo as how the partner’s boundaries are drawn. Also there are situations when one partner redraws the boundaries to better match with other partner and they move along happily.

Have you ever witnessed a situation; when years down the line both reach the place where one has redrawn the line? The one who had redrawn stands well within the limits; proudly thinking and hoping that the partner for whom the boundary was redrawn would be feeling proud. But then the partner form whose sake the boundary was redrawn is easily, comfortably venturing out and enjoying it too? Not only that the same partner who had asked for that redrawing fails to remember that the other partner had drawn those boundaries purely in the name mutual respect. While that partner who has redrawn those boundaries; and is witnessing this from the other side with disbelief and even pain; is also getting blamed for being overly orthodox and exceedingly naive.  A simple statement at that time like; “this is how things should be, I don’t understand why you behave like this. Why can’t you see it as a normal thing like I do, like everyone else does?” appears no less than a death sentence. It is a death sentence as those boundaries define you as you are scratching them is like killing a part of you. Also it is always difficult to redraw an already redrawn boundary.

But no one is wrong here; no one to be blamed. Orthodox or open, faithful or infidel all these are very subjective. All these definitions are very personal. And so is the joy and the pain associated with them. All one can do is look at the situation and look at other things around it and see if it is worth moving on or it needs moving away and whatever that decision is just implement and go on. Pain and wounds heal with time and tending. Scars never leave, though they fade, if you give them enough undisturbed time.

Fidelity stays an extremely personal thing. So when you find someone whose boundaries are drawn similar to yours just stick with that person, and consider yourself lucky. Make sure that you walk together enough and you talk frequently enough so that if there is any redrawing needed that gets the same environment, as after that it is all what your mind decides.

After all Fidelity is a very Personal Thing.