ज़िद्दी लम्हे

An ode to some memories. May bring some memories alive for the friends, especially from college and school days



साल दर साल, शहर दर शहर पिछले किनते युगो जैसे लम्बे सालो में हर दिन, कितने लम्हे? हर लम्हा कुछ नया सिखाता और कुछ पुराना भुलाता। 

हम चल रहे हैं, रोज़ कुछ सीखते और कुछ भूलते; कुछ साथ ले लेते और कुछ पीछे छोड़ देते और चलते रहते । 

हर नयी बात, हर नया लम्हा किसी पुरानी बात, पुराने लम्हे के एवज में ले कर, रोज़ की खरीद फरोख्त के बाद हर शाम का नफा नुक्सान नापते हुए रात बिताते और अगले दिन चलने के लिए तैयार होते । 

पर फिर भी, इस सीखने-भूलने, थामने -छोड़ने के बीच में कहीँ, कुछ पल, कुछ लम्हे हैं जो हिले नहीं ।बस जहां थे वही थम गए, बस उसी तरह जिस तरह थे, न चले, न बदले, न ही अपने एवज में किसी और को आने दिया । 

ऐसा ही एक लम्हा कही जम्मू में अकाफ-मार्किट की burger वाली दुकान में बैठा  है तो दूसरा उधमपुर के पास चोपड़ा-शॉप की किताबों की दूकान के पास वाले शहतूत के पेड़ से खट्टे-मीठे शहतूत तोड़ रहा है 

और वहां Engineering  College , New Boys Hostel  से College जाने वाले रास्ते पे कोई लम्हा घाटी में उतरती पगडण्डी तो नाप रहा है, ताकि भाग के उतारते हुए गिर कर घुटने ना फुड़वा ले । वही दो चार अलग अलग लम्हे, Hostel के दीवार से लगी बड़ी Light के बिना कारण जलने भुझने पर बिना कारण ही हस रहे हैं, उनके बीच वह एक लम्हा उसी Light को देख कर उदास खड़ा है क्यों की आज College का आखिरी दिन है, अब शायद यह बे-बात की  Light  और बे-बात की हंसी कभी नहीं दिखेगी । सिद्धार्थ के ब्रेड पकोड़े और बिरयानी चखते हुए उस वेटर को देख कर अब भी हंस रहे हैं 

कुछ लम्हे तो सफर में है, फिर भी वही के वही; ST की बस में Hostel से City  जाते हुए हिचखोले खा रहे लम्हे, और झेलम एक्सप्रेस के Sleeper Class की सीटों पे बेवजह हक़ जताते  हुए कुछ ढीठ लम्हे ।वहि दूसरी ओर कर्नाटका एक्सप्रेस के डब्बो के बीच की पुलिया से गुज़रते हुए, सफर में फिर भी सालो से वहीँ के वहीँ । और एक-आध तो अभी भी दौण्ड जंक्शन के खानावल में थाली से आचार का स्वाद चख रहा है । और वह एक कुर्डुवादी की गरमा-गरम इडली चटनी को केले के पत्ते पर ले कर भागते हुए Train पकड़ता हुआ लम्हा । 

वही CEDT की कैंटीन के पीछे Table Tennis के match के बाद बिना बात  ठहाके  लगाता हुआ लम्हा अब भी उतना ही बेपरवाह, बेखबर और बेबाक। 

यह फहरिस्त उस रुके हुए लम्हों की, काफी लम्बी है ।ऐसे ही पहाड़ो, घाटियों, बसों,-ट्रेनों, समुद्र किनारे, पार्क के बेंचो पर, चाय के ठेलो पर,Airport की  Waiting Lounge में, सुस्ताते, खेलते, चहकते, डरते, रोते, कितने ही ऐसे लम्हे जो हमेशा से वही अपना हक़ जताए खड़े हैं । 

जब मैं रोज़ के नफा नुक्सान से थक जाता हूँ, तो इन में से किसी एक जिद्दी लम्हे में जा कर उसे फिर से जी लेता हूँ । 

यह बेपरवाह, रुके हुए, ज़िद्दी लम्हे सालों के बाद भी जहाँ थे, वही खड़े हैं फिर भी हमेशा इतने करीब की जब चाहे इन्हे छु लूँ ।  

मेरे इन लम्हों के बहुत सारे साथी कही आगे निकल गए है, बड़े हो गए है व्यस्त हो गए हैं; कुछ मेरी ही तरह । रोज़ का नफा -नुक्सान हम सब जो अलग अलग दिशा में ले जाते हुए अलग अलग दुनिया में ले आया है । अब भी जब मैं इन लम्हों को छूता हूँ तो सोचता हूँ की क्या उन साथियों को वह छुवन महसूस होती होगी? 

डरता हूँ की कही किसी दिन अगर यह लम्हे, चल निकले या नफा -नुक्सान के बोझ में दब कर ग़ुम गए तो मैं अपने थकन के पलों में कहाँ छुपूंगा?

यह लम्हे मेरे medals , मेरी ही तरह जिद्दी, मेरी ही तरह ठहाके लगाने को आतुर और मेरी ही तरह कही बहुत पहले रुके हुए। ..........  मेरे ज़िद्दी लम्हे । 

जानता हूँ हर कोई अपने दिल में ऐसे ही लम्हों का खजाना छुपाये बैठा है । मेरे लम्हे बाँट रहा हु, ताकि आप अगर अपने उस खजाने को बहुत देर से नहीं मिले तो रुक कर एक बार उसे मिल लें, कुछ भोले लम्हों को छू कर उनकी ओस सी ठंडक ले कर आज की नफा-नुक्सान बही बंद करें, इस से शायद कल और भी सुहाना हो । 

मेरा यह सन्देश उन दोस्तों के नाम जिन्होंने इन लम्हों में रंग भरा। 

The Porcupine

I was walking in the evening near the playground where all the kids from the neighborhood gather in the evening and play. I have always seen the tall kid who seems to be much better player than others on almost anything they play. However other thing I had noted is that he usually screams at the kids not playing well and also mocks them for their lack of skill. That day I saw this superstar kid sitting in a corner away from the others and softly sobbing. When asked he told me that they all stop playing when he goes there. He complained that it was unfair on their part. So I thought I will tell him one of my stories. Below is a summary of that story; you may like the story irrespective of the ‘age’ and ‘game’ you are in.

Once there was a farmer who had a lot of compassion for the animals. He raised cows, Sheep, roosters and ducks. He would always feed them good food and take good care of them. He even knew a good deal of medicines to cure if God forbid one of them ever went sick. 

One day he thought that why only these animals, he should rather help all animals. So if he sees a sick rabbit in the fields he will bring it home and take care of it, some of these animals would never leave his house. So over a course of a few months his house became a small zoo with rabbits, Geese, Mice, doves and even a small antelope living in his house. The kids from village would come and play with the animals.

One night it rained heavily and in the morning while going to his field he saw a small baby porcupine lying half-conscious in a puddle. His compassionate heart went out for the poor animal. He tried to look around for the Porcupines parents but they were washed away in the recent rains. So he brought the porcupine home and nurtured it till it was healthy and started growing.

With the time and care it grew in to an adult with shiny and strong Quills. The quills were intimidating by themselves but the fear they caused was compounded by the anger that mister Porcupine could not control. Very often it will be angry on trivial things resulting in his quills rising on his back like a million pointed spears.

Soon the animals and the little kids who used to come to farmers house to play with the animals go so afraid of the Porcupine that no one would come near it. They all will wave from a distance. Even farmer’s daughter will leave its food a little far always afraid that it may harm her.

All this added to Porcupines unrest and anger and one day having had enough of un-love; the Porcupine stormed to the farmer and screamed “Bunny gets all the cuddling and the hugs and I get the neglect. I need to be treated equally.”

The farmer looked at the Porcupine with surprise and sorrow in his eyes; I wish I could help, he sighed. They can’t cuddle you because you don’t have furry back to pat or cuddle; and that is how you have been made by nature. So nothing can be done on that. However if you could just control your anger and don’t shoot up those quills as spears on everyone, that may help. You are different from those furry animals; if only you could use those differences as your strength instead of comparing and trying to be like the rabbits. The farmer concluded.

The porcupine understood and immediately decided to drop its anger. Slowly and with effort, it was able to control the anger and become very gentle. The kids started coming near it and the rabbits started playing with it (from a safe distance). But the biggest change came when the Porcupine understood the strength its quills bring. Now the porcupine is officially the protector of all the animals and the little kids who come to play in farmer’s house. They all tell how the Porcupine has scared the fox away with a display of his sharp speared quills and his mock anger (it doesn’t get angry anymore for real)

Farmer fondly tells the story to everyone about the Porcupine who complained that the Bunny gets all the cuddling and hugs while the porcupine gets none. And everyone laughs, even the Porcupine.

Moral of the Story: If we could learn to use our strengths instead of comparing our weaknesses against other’s strengths, or mocking at other's weaknesses; we can do a lot good to our surroundings but above all we can do a lot good to ourselves!

Choices (Choose Wisely !!!)

 The bedside clock was showing it in bold amber, I don’t know what woke me up; but my original plan was to wake up at 6AM.  I chose to stay in bed for another 30 minutes instead of getting up for workout. But I couldn't go back to sleep.

After a few minutes I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and thinking that even before the day started for me it presented me with situation where I had to make a choice. And that keeps on going hour after hour day after day making millions of choices big small and in-between.

Shower now or go to Gym, cardio or strength, bread or cereal and so on; even before the work day starts

Change lane or stay, honk the aggressor or ignore, park in the basement or close to office door.

And then at work Confer or confront in the discussion, accept or ignore the suggestion, change or move with the flow, take sides or stay neutral,  offer help or wait for request, proactive or reactive or Zen.

I look at the mirror again and smiled. I felt very commanding with the authority to make choices. With this thought I lathered my face to shave off the stubble that had built up during my travel. But as razor worked on my face revealing the skin under the stubble; it struck me like lightening. What happens when I chose wrong?

And it was obvious, Not that only I make my Choices; My Choices in turn Make ME

The power, that I had felt a few minutes ago, dissolved with this new found insight. While dissolving it made way for another sentiment. Responsibility!

 As I have read in a book (and loosely quote here) “Responsibility - The ability to Choose your response to the situations life presents” 

I have written this line many times, but for the 1^st time I used a bold lettered “CHOOSE” as that gives sense to the entire teaching.

Self-reminder “Always Choose wisely” because

I make my CHOICES and my CHOICES make ME !!

Also Posted at http://timesofindia.speakingtree.in/public/spiritual-blogs/seekers/self-improvement/choices-choose-wisely 

So Long Comics King

“Hiding them in the school bag, hoping that parents or teachers do not find out….” Number of times I have done that and most of my friends did it too. Comics, something that made us fly in our imagination as kids. Comics that made us laugh and smile even scared. Comics that we held so dear, reading them, exchanging them, trying to mimic the characters and even struggling to convince parents (some time teachers too) to dress up as a favorite comic character in the fancy dress competitions instead of a famous politician or sport star.

We rarely had the Marvel or Spectrum versions, but we never missed them. Who needs a superhero from another country when you have your own Chacha Cahudhary (whose brain processes faster than the computer) with his Saboo (the Giant from Jupiter, Volcanos explode on nearby planets when Saboo gets angry) and Rocket (the cute dog) and a whole bunch of sinister yet silly villains. There was the sweet and plump chachi and many more. Biloo, who multiple times, appeared and acted just like me or my friends. And Pinki the girl next door.

There were so many stories, so many situations. Millions of laughs and giggles for many years just got silent today to say goodbye to the creator of all these characters and the sweet stories that are a part of millions of Indians childhood.

Pran Sir as you had said"If I could put a smile on the face of people, I would consider my life successful"You have been extremely successful as you had put millions smiles on millions of faces for so many years. Millions of us who grew up in India in 80s and later salutes your Very successful life today.

Rest in Peace and I am sure heaven dwellers will have some great stories to hear and some good laughs, now that you are there.

PS: My day started with reading this sad news of the death of Mr. Pran. And have decided to read a few Chacha Cahudhary comics later in the day to make me smile; grief will not be the right goodbye to him

 

The Vision

Today I saw it again; and I want to share. When you read you may understand what I mean or you may find it totally absurd. But something so profound (at least as I felt it) is worth sharing (even at the risk of being laughed at by someone) 

Share your thoughts and please share if you ever had a vision similar in nature....

I could see it; all lush green as far as my gaze took me. I was standing on the edge of the cliff, with the valley smoothly dropping under my feet. From the top what I see is probably millions of trees filling every inch of the valley like a vast spread of fluffy green clouds, so beautiful and so inviting. The Valley had a very steep drop for a few hundred feet after which it curled in to the fluffy slide, just like the one that children play on; but stretched to miles.

 
Usually being at an edge would scare me, but now it didn't. The color and the aura around everything is so generous that I am not scared. I can’t even think of fear, depth, safety or anything of that nature. I am just happy, felling blessed, and warm as if the green iridescent is not just from the scape around me but also coming out of my body. I want nothing as that time as I know I am a part of this place, this scene. The scene that is so beautiful, so invigorating and so alive. I don't want to move from there.

Sitting at the edge continue being one with the scene. I am a shrub at the edge of the cliff, my roots deep in the soil, looking down. . 
Don't know if I have been this and if I have been here for a moment or for a millennia, but I know I am here.

Don't know what snapped me into my seat in the airplane, thousands of feet above ground.
I know I was not dreaming that hill, that valley, that vibrant green color, that cloud of the tree tops is somewhere and wherever it is; there am I. The person who I am now writing this or the shrub at the edge of the cliff, I don't know. All I know is that was not a dream. That was at least as real as this present moment is, if not more.
I didn't close the eyes attempting to go back there, because where ever that is I am already there. The vision was just a reminder.

ज्यादा है; ज्यादा की ज़रुरत है

In this era of fast moving technology, smart gadgets, readily available information and almost automatic life; at times heart misses the beauty that can be only seen when going slow. In seventies and eighties when the foundation of today's life was being laid, many movies talked about the need to be slow. Especially Gulzar Sahab's "दिल ढूंढ़ता है फिर वही फुर्सत के रात दिन" or "थोड़ा है थोड़े की ज़रुरत है "

The Poem below is a humble attempt to see where we have come from that time now that trying to find फुर्सत के रात दिन is seen as an escapist mindset and थोड़ा है as a reason to be ashamed of....... 

Please comment; maybe I am wrong in my assessment through this poem; but tell me if I am. Also for all of you who from time to time want to take it slow and who really look for those वही फुर्सत के रात दिन; बैठे रहें तस्सवुरे जाना किये हुए.........

थोड़ा है थोड़े की ज़रुरत है; ज़िन्दगी फिर भी यहाँ खूबसूरत है 

ज़्यादा की चाहत ने अब तक 

कितना ज़्यादा भटकाया है 

जो मिला उसका भी मोल न समझा 

जो न मिला उसने रुलाया है 

अपने हाथ में, अपने घर में 

जो भी हो लगता थोड़ा है 

दूजे से आगे बढ़ने को  

हर कोई घर से दौड़ा है 

हम खुद तो इस में शामिल थे ही 

अब अगली पीढ़ी को भी घसीट रहे 

कंप्यूटर, टीवी, उनको दे  कर 

उनके परीक्षा-फल का भी दम पीट रहे 

ज्यादा है पर  और भी ज्यादा 

की ज़रुरत लगती है 

ख़ुशी कहा पे मिल पायेगी (यह पहेली)

दिल को ठगती है 

ज़िदगी थकी हुई है पर 

उस पर रंग लीपा करते है 

मेरे पास है "उस "से ज़्यादा 

यही खोखला दम भरते है 

ज़्यादा के नीचे दबा सा जीवन 

बदहाल, खोखला, बदसूरत है 

कहाँ गई वोह दुनिया जहाँ  

थोड़ा है  ; थोड़े की ज़रुरत है 

क्यों कि 

ज़िन्दगी फिर भी वहाँ  खूबसूरत है  

Judgmental..... Really?

Many times things are not as they appear. Many times one thinks of saying something unfriendly to someone who appears to be not nice. It is always good to hold those thoughts, weigh the options and try not to say that as any bad thing said will yield nothing but bad karma. It is never easy apologizing for use of such behavior. However there is something even more difficult than that. I will share a recent experience and you decide if my feelings were justified…

Recently I had to fly for work, as I do a few times every year, but this time it was different in more ways than one. First of all I was flying in the afternoon from my home base rather than my usual morning flights.  Secondly I had only 1 hour left for my flight to take off when I reached the airport, usually I have 2 or more hours to spare (though I always feel that it is an overkill). But today I knew why it was better to be 2 hours ahead at the airport. The security lanes were full as if a good part of the world wanted to fly out of this airport today. I could have said something on the collage of humanity I could see, but to me this medley was looking threatening instead of interesting (another deviation from my usual). Like ants marching towards a piece of sweet all those people inching towards the TSA agents on the dais to get their boarding passes initialed.

I am going to miss my flight; right in the middle of having that thought I saw a ray of light. There were two sides, one with 3 TSA folks on dais and about 100 people in line and the other with 4 TSA people but around 4 times more people lined up. So there seems to be a shorter line. But as fate will have it, there was this stern looking lady (reminded me of my high school history teacher) who was deciding which way one should go. And when I told her I was in a hurry she pointed me to the side with 4 times more people.

I was annoyed and wanted to scream at her. But I didn’t, I wanted to say that she had been mean but I stopped the words from leaving my tongue and moved on. After I had moved 4-5 steps, another TSA employee stopped me and asked to examine me. She had a swab in her hand to rub on my palms and shoes. I was sure that the lady who guided me on this side had read my expression and to show her mean power had gestured this other one to check. I was really mad by now. But again decided to stay calm and accept what was happening. Honestly, I am not saint so I did say some mean things about both of them in my mind. I hoped that they realize how their being bad with people like me can really cause trouble. I hoped that they stop misusing their TSA rank. After all, their job is airport security and not gaining vicious pleasure in harassing someone like me.

In the middle of all these not so friendly thoughts about their ‘meanness’ I moved slowly with the line and reached at the end where the person on the dais checked my boarding pass, cleared me and then said, “wait, we have the x-rays backed up so stay here till those start moving again.” By the way this announcement was for every one and not just me. Now I was certain that I will miss my flight and my ill feeling for the two ladies grew even stronger. Now that I had nothing else to do so I and the Guy at the dais started talking. “You see this is an expedite lane still things at times get backed up here.”  He said. I was not able to understand what he meant by expedited lane, as I had seen at least 4 times more people in this side than the other side. I continued listening to him in disbelief, “You don’t have to go through additional security, no taking off of shoes or belts, no removing of laptop from the bags in this lane as this is our busiest hour, so we hope this helps passengers like you.” I looked at him and then at the people ahead, the security X-rays were busy (though only 2 belts) and people zipping through these at top speed. Where in the other side had 20 belts but still the wait in the Lane was more than 30 minutes on that side after the TSA agent has Okay-ed the Boarding pass.

Now I realized what the two women had meant by expedited lane. What I had seen was just the entrance and made an opinion, whereas the reality lied behind the TSA screen. I felt ashamed for my thoughts earlier and I offered my sincere apology to both the agents at the entrance. Like my anger; my apology was also only in my heart. I didn’t even utter a word to anyone. I have boarded my plane and writing this while flying. The weight of my ill thoughts about the perceived meanness from the two ladies is really big burden on my conscience. I know now that they were being nice to me. I feel like going back and thanking the lady and apologizing for how I had judged her in my mind, which of course I cannot do. So I thought I will write this as my apology. And as a reminder that many times things are not as they appear. So we should not judge. I have faith that since in the electronic era everything is connected so my apology will reach her and also my apology will at least impact one person in a similar situation and make him or her keep faith and don’t judge.