Thats how Fear Manifests

I just posted this a few days back in hindi and then some of my friends asked me to translate. Having verbally translated for a few, I decided I will post the translation here.

This is from the tresses of time, pre-adolescent days. The memory is a bit wrinkled with age.

One day after school, as usual a few of us went to the ground to play cricket, and suddenly a friend suggested, why not ditch cricket today and pick mangoes from the trees near the cricket ground. The suggestion was accepted with no resistance and most of us started climbing the mango trees in no time.

The mangoes, that were appearing within reach when seen from the ground, seem to have moved a few branches up while climbing the tree. Just then from a dark corner of mind a fear flashed, what if I fall? The fear manifested itself as quickly as it has flashed, with my buddy on the next branch losing his grip and taking me with him on the fall. After all what are friends for.

Not sure how many bones would have cracked on falling on the firm surface, when a branch generously granted asylum to our hands, so we were hanging on the tree, both me and my buddy.

Eyes shut hard with fear, as if opening them will force open our grips too. Fear was making my heart cry, but no tears were coming out of the eyes. Was just hanging there, too afraid to speak, even more afraid to open the eyes, as someone from below suggested, “let go, you will be fine”; “don’t listen to him,” my friend yelled, “he already has a broken leg, he wants us to have the same.”

Years passed since that incident, and I could not understand till date, why I never opened my eyes.

So, what seemed like an eternity, me and my friend were hanging from that branch. Eventually, fingers started getting stiff and palms started getting blistered. I still don’t know if I left the branch at that time or if the numbing fingers let the branch go without any permission from brain.

As soon as the hands were off the branch, there was a miracle, my feet stood firm on the ground. Not sure for a moment, if I was always just a few inches above the ground or if the ground got generous and moved above when my hands let go the branch. If I had opened the eyes before, The hands could have saved the blisters. But fear never allowed to open the eyes. Hands were hurting and I was cursing myself, while laughing at the stupidity of my fearful mind. Fear manifests in many forms. Stupidity is one of those forms, that I realized on that occasion.

My friend was still hanging on the branch, if his hands were not hurting as much yet, or his fear was stronger than mine, I will never know. I sat under the shade of tree looking at my hands and waiting for my friend to let go of the branch. I could have asked him to come down, but his fear would never have let him listen to me. As I had learnt fear manifests in many forms.

Epilogue

Many times, still fear makes us hang in situations, disallowing to open the eyes and not letting the hands give up the grip.  So, till the blisters and the hurt has reached its maximum, we keep on hanging. The surface feels too far, however close it maybe. When pain forces the hands to let go, fear channels even more morbid feelings. And then mind laughs at its being naïve against the fear’s tricks. After all fear manifests in many forms.