My Aunt

Ever since I started writing this blog; I never thought that I will write a Eulogy. But today some one close enough to heart (though Miles apart) left and made me write it.

She was an almost no body. All her life she stayed like that. She was born in an old 3 level brick house in late forties. One out of the 10 children that were born to same parents. Neither the youngest, nor the oldest, neither the smartest nor the dumbest, neither the best looking and nor the worst. She was there all the time, her presence never too imposing.

This day after more than 60 years she left the house she was born in forever.  And not only she left the house, she left the whole world and finally moved on. Everyone knows she went to heaven, not just because she was too good; but also because she had suffered enough over last many years and God being unprejudiced to everyone  cannot possibly take her away from her daily suffering to any suffering of any kind. She is surely somewhere very peaceful, sleeping on a silken bed with flowers neatly placed in vases around, and her head resting on the pillows filled with soft feathers. Because she deserves it; she deserves a peaceful sleep.

She was one of my aunts, my mother’s younger sister. I didn’t even know her well till I was in mid-twenties, in spite of meeting her every summer vacation and every winter vacation of my schooling years. And all thanks to her personality, she never appeared like a person that some would like to know a lot about. May be that was the reason that she stayed single all her life or may be the reason was her assumed Son (not adopted, just assumed that this kid was her son). In my mid-twenties I was working in that town and as that was the ancestral house where mom had grown up so I lived there with her and my uncle and her assumed son. Those years were the time when I really started knowing her. She had some strange behavior traits but deep inside she was extremely caring, especially for her assumed son. And also I started getting a good share of that care after a few months of being in that house. I still remember her referring to me as her elder son whom she could trust and depend upon. And as long as I was there I respected and loved her in the same way.

But that was almost 15 years ago. I last met her couple of years ago when she was weak, tired, extremely sick and thin like a fine layer of flesh on a skeleton. My heart cried, and I asked what has she done to her, with a smile she said that she will be fine. And then she thanked me for meeting her; “son, don’t know if I will see you again, but I am happy that you came to see me after so many years.” Were her last words while I was leaving. Now that I was planning my trip to India after two years, I was confident of proving her wrong, but she spun it around.

Sad thing she was very lonely for last many years. Suffering for years; almost alone. I wish there was some way to re-write her last few years. She was not a saint and not a social worker. She was just a common lady, with hopes, dreams, love, care and all that what makes a common person somewhat special for his or her loved ones. Sadly she didn’t have anyone whom she could impose her loving authority on. So one by one everyone moved on and she was left in that house, the same house where she was born.

Don’t know what to say, and don’t know if it will mean anything now, but I want to honestly tell you Raj Massi that I really missed you and always thought of you hoped and prayed for things to get better for you. Now that you are gone, I miss you more; knowing that I will not be able to hear your voice ever and so I think that I should have called you and spoken with you from time to time. But all that doesn’t mean anything now.

I remember one evening in Dalhousie (mid-eighties), when we were going for a dinner (don’t remember if it was called the Thandi sadak or Garam Sadak); you and three of us little boys, me my brother and your assumed son. All three of us were scared as it was dark, but all three of us were confident because you were with us.

Now that you are on your Journey all by yourself, I hope that you have that hand to hold which will take you to the right place safe and I hope that you rest well. You need it.

Miss you!!