The Weather; the Coffee and all that Life is!!

“You enjoy the weather and the coffee.” She said from the other side of the phone. “Well ! Of course,” was my response. The weather had been very hot lately and today unexpectedly it rained for a couple hours. It rained enough to wash and drench the whole city. Now the coffee; I am a big fan of strong coffee from Starbucks. I had asked a friend of mine to bring me a large mug of coffee while returning from lunch. As I was busy with the work today that I didn’t get time  for lunch. The other thing that I loved was cooler temperatures and just before this rain it was above 100 degree Fahrenheit for last few days, this rain just cooled it down to high seventies. However the weather forecast says that this cooling was short lived, it will reach back to 100 later in the day. 

Still at this moment it was mid seventies outside so it was worth enjoying. When I thought about it again, I couldn’t help but smile. It was mid seventies OUTSIDE. Inside the office it was the same, 70 degree as always. I stopped working for a while and moved towards the other side of the floor, the side that had the huge glass wall from where I could see outside. The roads outside were wet and the trees had appear washed and rejuvenated with the rain. It actually looked lot more pleasant outside than usual. So it really is a reason to enjoy, though the fact is that nothing changed for me due to this rain. I am still in the same chair, doing the same work, under the same cold 70 degree set air-conditioning, thanks to the excellent air-conditioning in the office building. I thought of my friend who works just down the street and who has a sliding door window in his office room. I am sure he will be sitting on his chair with that window open at this moment, smelling the freshness or the air and hearing to the sweet melody of the rain. He might be even singing in chorus with the trees and the birds who just had this big relief from the heat.

So now I am happy, enjoying, though the truth is that nothing changed for me. Just the scene outside the glass wall changed. The Screen Saver on the big screen of the outside world changed. I can not feel the drop in outside temperature as I never felt the heat outside as well. I know the flowers and the leaves and the grass are more fragrant now as the soot is washed off them and the heat is taken out, still I can not smell that fragrance sitting in here. The rain drops falling on the glass on the other side of this glass wall must be creating a melodious symphony, but my ears are deaf to that melody, thanks to the sound proof glass windows of the office. So nothing changed and still I am happier. May be from the data bank at the back of my mind, I experienced it all. My mind played an old memory which made me feel the rain on my temples. It made me smell the fragrant, freshly washed trees and flowers. It made me tap my foot to the melodious raindrop symphony. It made me sing in chorus with the birds outside. I could feel the joy making my face glow and making me enjoy everything around me, even the work that had been quite frustratingly challenging for last few days, and of course the coffee, my warm and sweet cup of Starbucks.

The rain is over and it will be even hotter (and humid) when I step out of this office later in the day. I know that, I even know I will not like stepping out in that kind heat, just a few hours from now. Even after I know all this I am happy for something that happened out there. This all makes me think, it is never the weather or the situation, not even the coffee, it is always the perception that changes the things. I could have made my self upset thinking that things are getting so good outside and I am stuck with my computer and my chair and the crazy work in this situation.

It is same as watching a movie where good wins over evil in the end, and some people move out of the theater inspired and feeling that what ever evils are there in the life eventually the good in me will win over it. The other bunch of people walks out of the same movie cursing their fate that if it could happen right for the guy in the movie why is it not happening for me? And both of them are right.

When ever I am gripped with any similar thoughts, they always end up in the same understanding.

“Things do not change; the perception does. The life states are always the same, the way we see life, changes the way we live it. And the way we live in turn changes the way we see. And this whole changes the way we are and the way we are changes the way we live.”

 The power is never out there, it is always in here. When ever I reach to this conclusion, that is when ever I think about similar things, I feel really empowered. The flip side of it is that I loose all my excuses when I feel this way. If I have the power to change things for myself and for people around me, then I am in control. And when I am in control then I own what ever happens. Good or bad, what ever happens is my ownership. Now this in turn puts everything off hook. The weather, the people, the seasons, the work, the health, the relations, the love, the hate, the success, and the failure everything becomes secondary. Everything is either a life situation or an outcome of my actions and my decisions or may be both. But which ever way I see it, I am the one to be credited for all good and I am the one to be blamed for all wrong.

With power come the responsibility and this is the age old fact. I can not change it, no one can. And thinking again and again leads to discovering again and again the same fact, that my life is always my responsibility. I am free to choose my response and my life and hence I am responsible for my life. And not only that I am some bit responsible for the life of everybody around me. I pose many a time as a stimulus for people and make them choose their acts, similarly as the people around me make me choose my act.

Above all I am significantly responsible for her, and she for me.

“Who is she?” “Is that what you just asked?” Did you miss the start? She is the one who made me think with her one small comment. Read again the 1^st line the opening line of this whole thought chain. It all started with her “You enjoy the weather and the coffee” comment. She is my wife, my other half (mostly my better half  or not so much better at times same as I am for her.) All I want now is to share this page with her and see how she responds? She is equally responsible for her life, my life, our life. She shares the power and hence the responsibility. I did enjoy the rain and the weather without feeling it directly because I shared it with her, or rather because she shared it with me when she asked me to enjoy it. And I chose to enjoy when I was asked to do so. Happiness is easy to get, if one wants to get it. Isn’t it?

Between Dream and Reality

Note: We all dream and dreams however weird they may appear at times, still come from somewhere. Read the brief rendezvous with a situation and decide if this is real or unreal and think what if your definition of real needed an amend. if you like this then I will share some similar experiences!!

-Nikhil

Soaked with sweat, and panting for breath, he opened his eyes, it was dark, the bright light was nowhere, the dangerous creatures were gone and the noise was nowhere to be heard, it must have been a dream. He gulped down a few big sips of water and wiped some sweat off his forehead. Still he was not able to believe that all it was just a dream, it all looked so real. The way he was being chased by the monsters and the way his family was standing there at a distance watching terrified, the faces white with horror. The heads changing on the same bodies, one moment it was his mother the next it was his brother and immediately next the college professor and after a while it was his uncle who died a few years back. What was it? His heart was beating fast and he was trying to understand if all that was real or is this real thing and that was just a dream. “Are you all right?” she asked, he looked at her. This was his wife sleeping by his side, obviously disturbed by his sudden waking up and obviously concerned about his condition. “Yes, I am fine; I guess I had a bad dream.” He replied. “You should drink water before you sleep and pray before you step in bed, so you will not have these bad dreams.” She sounded like a granny. “You and your ideas,” he smiled and kissed her forehead, so it was just a dream and this is reality, he assured himself and closed his eyes.

There he was in front of the inferno again.  The monsters were back and looked as dangerous as before. The terrified crowd of people he knew had some new faces now and all of a sudden one of them jumped out of the crowd and started walking towards him, laughing somewhat dangerously. So you thinking of that cozy bed and that loving wife, dreaming again, isn’t it? “No!” he shouted and fought to get himself released from the paws of the beast and ran. The fire from the ferocious mouth of the beast brushed his back and burnt some flesh but in a few seconds he was a lot away from that scene. He was running at his top speed and wanting to flee as fast as possible. The next moment there was his best friend running besides him, “Don’t you think you are in this alone, I am with you.” He said and smiled, his smile turned from friendly to cunning and in a few moments he was none other than the same face who had jumped out of the crowd and mocked him sometime back. He was running, sweat trickling down his forehead, his legs aching. He didn’t seem to want to save his life, he just wanted to be away. He searched his pockets while running and there was a dagger in his back pocket, he pulled it out (surprised at seeing a dagger in his pocekt) and threatened the one on his side, “Leave me now or I may seriously harm you.” And the next moment he was stabbed by his co-runner in the gut, he had not seen the big blade in the other guys hand before, he was bleeding from the cut. The pain was so much, the guy who stabbed him was laughing. It was cruel very cruel.

“What’s wrong?” she was saying as she was looking at his sweat soaked face. He was on the bed. His wife was appeared so worried now. “He stabbed me, I tried to run but I could not outrun him.” He said with a concerned voice. “You must be dreaming again.” She said, he smiled, “I guess you are right, I must have been.”

“You must have been what?” he asked very brutally. “Were you dreaming again? Dreaming about the same comfortable life? Why is it that poor you always get pain and dream of comfort?” mocking sarcasm was obvious in the question.

This is so wrong, one of these two is real and the other is a dream. Both of them can’t be true, both of them can’t be real. One of them has to be real and other one is a dream, but which one.

“But which one is real?” He asked this very loud. “Both of them are both, dream and reality. Each one of these is real in one space and dream in another. These two do not exist at same time and place but these two do exist.” The answer came from his right hand side, he turned his face and was surprised to as the bed appeared way fluffier than usual, more cloud like and his wife was not there anymore, it seemed that the bed was extended all teh way till he could see. “No don’t be afraid you are not dead, and death is not to be afraid of as well.” The same voice was continuing. “You can take me to be your friend, or yourself. As with your habit of identifying people with names you would need to tag me with one so you chose which one. Anyhow; you were in a million dilemmas you were given this movie to watch, that is you at different times in different domains, and the only consistent part is your entity and not your identity.

See clearly and tell me what you look like in either of those places.” He was surprised to acknowledge for the first time that he didn’t see any face or body attached to his entity in either of the scenes. “But I can swear I was there at both the places. I saw myself there.” “Think again, did you see yourself or you felt your presence?” the voice asked. “Well I …. I felt my presence.” He replied. “But what is the point?” He could not see the speaker but felt its presence and felt that it was smiling as well, and then he heard, “That’s the whole point; things do not stay as they are. Good or bad, they change. Life is not just what you see yourself living and living is not all what life is. There is more to it in every direction. A dream is as real as the reality and the reality is as much an illusion as a dream, the mind bends towards convenience and chooses to call it a dream or a reality, in the end both dream and reality is the same and both do exist. The intent should be to be free from the minds choice of words and live the dream and the reality both with full appreciation. If you understand this then it would not matter a whole lot and if this confuses you then also it does not matter a whole lot. Either way the things will go on. The moments of various universes in various space and time is what it is. You are just an entity in the one of the universe and you have the cosmos in you. Many a universe, and many of the time planes and space planes. The best is to accept it and not try to understand.”

Maybe he understood what he should have accepted may be he didn’t may be he didn’t even try or maybe before he could even hear this; he had already moved to chasing the yellow furry tree and the tree for whatever reason was running and screaming like a terrified animal and he tried to ask to no one in particular, “Where am I? is this a dream?” but all he heard was a beast’s howl, because this time he was the beast chasing the furry tree, and the furry tree hoping for the dream to end !!!!

 

Emotional Adhesion

Goodbyes are not my forte, they have never been. I have always been very clumsy and pathetic in saying goodbye. I think I know the reason behind my being that way. Honestly, it is a very scientific one.  I have named it Emotional Adhesion. Let me attempt to explain how this is scientific; stronger the adhesive bond between any two things the more difficult it gets to separate them; and any forced (unavoidable) separation would result in some tear; so the bond will not come out clean, it would rather be Clumsy. Same principle of Adhesion applies here. I have strong Emotional Adhesion properties. I get attached to people (it is always due to the fact that people are wonderful, God’s best creation. And everyone is so unique and so loaded with exclusive qualities, that the attachment becomes obvious.)

Like all the fingers in the same hand have different sizes similarly all the bonds one develops do not have same strength. However in my case even the weak ones are bonded well enough to cause the rip at separation. And the person whom today is the day to say goodbye is one of the stronger ones. May be in my professional circles the person I am talking about is one of the strongest if not the strongest of the bonds.

It has been many years since we are working together and without going into the Org-Chart details, I would say that he has been a mentor and at times a beacon. With his admirable traits of building relationships, being fun, strategic thinking (even in most difficult of the times), carrying a very long fuse in terms of his temper and caring for his people even when he is not making it obvious. He has mostly been a role model. 

Not that he has always been right (in my eyes). We had disagreements at times and I had openly confronted him in group and in person, and he had kept channels open for such confrontation. So that was another learning received through association with him. His career growth over last few years had been excellent, but all that was expected based on his qualities.

Anyhow today is the day to say goodbye to him, and I as usual will have no courage to say it, especially not face to face. May appear like a weakness but it isn’t. It is strength; Strong Emotional Adhesion is developed out of this inherent strength. It is the strength that enables to develop a strong bond; emotional adhesion!

Strength, weakness, being naïve, impractical or whatever this is phenomenon may be referred to as, I don’t care today. Today I am sad that a good friend and a mentor is moving away. I am certain that he will be successful, because that is how he is. And there will be people benefiting from his association in the new location. So in the big scheme of things this is happening for good. But still I will not try and gather courage for face to face goodbye. So here it is;

All the best my friend; you know who you are. And so-long; till we meet again!!!

Kitchen Garden Classroom!!

Big and small there are in total 12 pots and now all have some plants growing in them. They proudly occupy the North West corner of the deck and with every addition now they are covering almost half way to the entire west side of the deck. I start my day usually going out to deck and watering them on hot sunny days or for just seeing them on days when clouds acquire ownership of running the watering errand.  And that is my small kitchen garden nook.

Mint and sweet basil to add the aroma to the recipes and then for the main cuisine red and green peppers, okra, egg plan, green beans and bitter melon, all of them ready to bear fruits. For salads there are green and red tomatoes and cucumber. By the way cucumber is the newest addition in the family. The coriander leaves that didn’t grow well even after multiple tries still are a possibility.

But that is just the list, not the entire thing. The bigger thing is the process of watering them with my two little helpers carrying their own watering jugs. And their mom witnessing the whole process from the kitchen while preparing the food, and at times joining the watering gang; usually at the insistence of one out of the three watering boys (obviously I am included); usually the one who would get excited seeing some newer vegetables. The green beans plant was a gift from the little one to his mom on Mother’s day. Though he is too small to remember or acknowledge, but the small green beans on the plant look extremely good especially with the thought that his little hands had sown the seeds.

On top of all that nature’s laboratory is also a great place to teach some basics to the curious minds. Be it the roots with their tiny straws sucking the water in to the plant, “like you drink your juice out of the bottle with a straw” or be it the leaves extracting minerals from water and add chlorophyll to cook a meal (for the plant) with the light and heat from Sun, “oh! Like mummy or papa makes your macaroni and cheese over the heat from stove and water from tap”. Wonderful to hear when the little genius comments on the small veins in the leaves, “they must be carrying food and water like the veins in my hands carry blood, right papa?”  “Right Son that is exactly how it works” says a happy father.  

Thank you plants for giving us good and delicious things to eat, for making the deck a fresher place with a green look and clean air (yes of course even small plants in pots do clean lots of air and give us oxygen) and above all helping to make the learning process so much fun.

Next lesson, what to do when you encounter a bee on the tiny cucumber flower and you missed noticing it while watering. Well that counts for learning the basic survival skills, isn’t it?

Being Simple

When he walked in the office with a smile, he appeared to be someone with a lot hidden behind that smile. He was the new employee our company had hired and was supposed to fit at a crucial place in the team. I will not tell what his role was as there is no reason to have him identified. Being identified may disturb him. After all he was a simple person!!

A few weeks after he started with the team, he became famous for his statement, “I am a simple person and want to keep things simple.” It can be an official discussion or favorite food, favorite movie or any discussion, he would always being the “being simple” mantra in it. And everything was fine as being simple is a good thing.

A few more weeks and things started getting cleared. He was certainly living by his mantra, and here is how

He had made his alphabet book very Simple by deleting all the ‘non significant’ alphabets, and was left with three out of 26. E, I and M; which he very simply will arrange in only one order. I stayed alone as uppercase “ I.” M stays always as capital M with a lowercase “e” as the 2^nd alphabet in the word. And that was it. So his dictionary was simple too, two words “I” and “Me”.

You may think he would use other words like Mine, ours etc. But No, he didn’t as stated earlier, he wanted things simple. So ‘mine’ may suggest that there are other things in the universe, though he owns them but sill those things are there, and the existence of other things was unnecessary complexity to his I/Me world. So there was nothing that he wanted to associate with as his.

Better yet was his dealing with other. ‘You’ are not good, ‘you’ are not bad either, ‘you ‘ don’t exist as you cannot exist when I have only I and me in my dictionary. You if at all are unnecessary hindrance and unwanted complexity to the situation that is so at peace with my three letters World.

He started getting very irritated after some months as there were so many complex alphabet groups roaming around in office corridors that shouldn’t be there as they don’t exist. If they try to exist then they were just being annoyance to his peaceful simplicity.

He always had the best idea, the best solution the best plan as any suggestion rooted external to him was noise from unknown sources that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.

Somehow everyone felt that he was missing the peace that he longed for so much that he has tried to simplify things, may be bit too much. Many months and many fights later he gave up. No! He did not give up on the “being simple” mantra, but he gave up the fight and cursed the “unwanted/ almost nonexistent” noise sources for creating unnecessary complexity in his otherwise Simple life. And sometime later he moved to another job in the search of peace that simplicity should bring.

We all sit and discuss the work in meetings seeing each other listening to each other agreeing or disagreeing with each other and deep inside thinking, were we really that much of a nuisance to his “simple living”. I don’t know the answer, I know people who have tried to use three other letters to make things simpler, y, o and u in that particular order. I have done that at times and that always seems to work. It works as long as the three letters from his alphabet book don’t overshadow the picture.

I still think simple is easy with all the 26 letters live in harmony and creating millions of words. True there will be some clutter, but still it would be simple!!!!!

Air and Space museum

Air and Space museum in Chantilly last weekend, that was a good trip. We all were excited to see all those airplanes and the space shuttle. That was an excellent experience, to know many facts about airplanes and also to spend time with my son on something that he is so passionate about. His 5 year old mind (five and three quarters as he would have corrected me) still had a lot questions when we left from there 6 hours of starting our exploration. But all those questions are good as they will give us reason to go there again soon.

Another striking thing that was observed seeing all those exhibits; technology no matter however strong; is just a tool and what we do with it is our own choice. The floor had some commercial and rescue planes that can help people in need during calamities to get supplies or transfer them to safer places. The same floor had some fighter planes that can get deadly when needed and shower destruction.  And there were explorer planes (and the discovery shuttle) that can take mankind to new heights, technologically (and to higher altitude too J)

The documentary on the rescue teams in Haiti during the earthquakes was excellent display of how technology can be used to help and save fellow humans in the time of need. I am sure it has left a mark on some minds (mine included). And the mark may sprout into something important when the time comes for my kids.

Being an engineer myself (though a different area of expertise); I was happy to conclude from the display that human choice always stays the real Master. I am planning to go there soon and see more on the commercial aviation side and may be get more into the avionics; that will be a good area to learn more about and to teach it to a five and three quarter years old enthusiast.