The Crossroads - Walk on

I closed my eyes and could see a silhouette of a man, sitting solitary on a bench, immersed in deep thought. He is neither happy, nor sad, neither enlightened, nor confused. Neither is he highly accomplished and nor derived of accomplishments. He is neither tired, nor energetic to start a fresh. So many ways he is there, neither a failure, nor a success. Living a well-off life where all bills are paid, family is well clothed and well fed, guests are cared for and some charity is possible.

I look at him and he reminds me of someone I know, someone I know rather too well. Someone who I know is standing at the crossroads of many things at the same time. And these crossroads have not been a new occurrence to him. However the stakes are higher than usual, so the hesitation is greater than usual. He knows there are no wrong turns, except the turns that you take while lacking the faith+. He knows all needed to do was to continue on with the journey. He knows the journey is always as beautiful or as comfortable or as adventurous or as boring as he wants it to be. But still the feet are pulled down by the weight of a million apprehensions. Even lifting one foot is painful and not moving is unwise.

The man on the bench looks upwards as if asking for divine guidance. The Sun is setting and the breeze is cooling the warmth of summer. A song from more than a decade ago starts playing in his mind, “You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been. A place that has to be believed, to be seen……Walk on!!”*

He thinks he has his answer. He is unsure of the consequences. He doesn’t know if he will regret the consequences of his decision, but he is certain now that he will never regret an indecision. Crossroads have presented themselves and his only responsibility is to take the turn he wants, stopping is the only action to avoid here. So just walk on….

You could have flown away, a singing bird in an open cage who will only fly; Only fly for freedom….Walk on!!!* The song continues to play. And I know the man has his answer. Whether the answer is good or bad? That will be decided somewhere in a different time and on a different turn, a different crossroad. Till then Walk on.

The Man on the bench gets up and start walking, his profile fading away in setting Sun. And I know I have the answer that my friend is looking for, and I also know I will not have to tell him as he will know it too, himself.

+   http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2013/04/crossroads.html (Referring to a post from 2013)

‘* “Walk on” a famous and incredibly inspiring song by  "U2"

Note: All pictures clicked by Nikhil Dogra

ताक़ीद

Lately I have observed most people have strong opinions. And a compelling need to defend forcefully (even violently) the opinions they hold dear. So here are few lines as a note to self, I remind myself frequently using these lines. Sharing to see if you can use a similar instruction (Takeed) 

बुरे का भला कुछ ऐसे करो 

बुरा भी भलाई से रहने लगे 

बुरे का बुरा करते करते 

कहीं खुद ही बुरे मत बन जाना 

गलत  सही के चक्कर में 

कही सही - गलत न कर देना 

कुछ अपना ही न जल जाये 

ऐसी आग भला क्यों सुलगाना?

What OWNS You?

What devices own you?

Does this appear an incorrect question? Should I have asked, what devices do you own? Actually No, I asked what I meant, what devices own you. And I am talking of the likes of phones, computer, tablets etc.

Okay let me state what made me think this way, I was travelling recently and happened to have some time to witness activity at an airport. Things have changed in last decade and I have observed it many times, but I took keener notice this time. Hundreds of people, sitting, walking running in all directions. Biggest common thing was each one was on some device, chatting, emailing, talking, searching etc.

There was this excellent picture on an advertisement, the caption said; “we ensure you stay connected” and it showed a grown up man and a pre-teens child (likely father and son) sitting at an airport facing each other, but their eyes sunk in the screens of their handhelds. I couldn’t see how that displayed being connected? I have rarely seen a father and son more disconnected than that.

We talk, but with people on the other side of line. We share jokes, but instead of telling them, we just push the phone screens around for others to read (or forward). We walk but instead of looking at signs and asking for directions the maps on handhelds are guiding us.

No don’t take me wrong, I am not against technology or development. I am all in favor of that and I am proudly associated with the telecom industry (my primary profession)for last 2 decades. But the scene that I am trying to retell, never appears like development to me. It seems more like the control from the “It” (From the book “A wrinkle in time,” and not a reference to the Information Technology).

Technology, is being continuously enhanced to make our lives easier. However I think instead of using technology we are getting consumed by it. The dependency on the devices is increasing every day. Device addiction is reaching epidemic levels (sadly not under purview of CDC). The generation that is starting their journey of being a human, kids below age of 12 are not seeing any other way to live but to refer to a device. The written word has become type written word or speech to text entries (soon to be thought to text).

I do not preach against use of technology, I'd rather promote it. Use it and use it well, but don’t get too used by it. I don’t know how to correctly pen my feelings but I will end this with a list of items that I would like me and my family to adopt. Hope that doesn’t alienate us from rest of the Human race around us.

A)  No devices to kids as a bribe to let grownups unwind

B)   No compulsive checking of Whatsapp/ facebook etc

C)   Follow Mainstream Media rather than Social media (that too limited) for current events

D)  Conversations instead of screen sharing

E)   Playing games (indoor and outdoor) instead of video games

F)   Limit screen time (for grownups too)

G)  Be the role model on exercising restraint

H)  Connect face to face, not only device to device

The list can be long. If you agree with my thoughts please share your list. Let us use the technology rather than being used by It.

Quicksand of Thought

Here is something that I originally wrote many years ago, actually a decade and half to be precise. Life has changed a lot for me from then to now, but some lessons endure the life and time changes. Sharing it with you with a hope that it will re-introduce you with something that you have known all along and heard many time.

Quick Sand of Thought

When you are in quick sand, the more you try to come out the more you are trapped in it. It swallows you faster if you are fighting to come out. A bad mood is just the same. The more you force yourself to appear normal the weirder gets. Mind rules the bad mood and makes it worse every moment. It can be felt very easily. Accept the moment and detach from the mind, and see. Most of the times the bad feeling will not go. But it will be managed better. The quick sand will be there but it wont swallow you faster and then when you are still in the quick sand, you might see the end of the rope which is tied to the near by tree and someone left it there just for people like you. Or when you are still you might recollect an old technique to come out of quick sand, which you learned in a martial art book in past life. Or even a miracle may happen and the giant bird will come from nowhere to swoop you out and drop you near the oasis. I know most of this appears like a fairy tale, but first of all miracles do happen, and secondly when you are in the quick sand of thought, the chance of this miracle is 100%. Because you are the master of that universe. The sand is created by your mind, the trap is created by your mind and it is your own mind telling you that you are being pulled down and will eventually be crushed and perish in it.  Most of us are able to detach ourselves from the mind at this juncture, but those few who fail at this point, are those who may end up doing something stupid.

Situations can be tough at times. And the perception can make them even tougher. Life situations are the stimuli that the mind reacts to that. Most of us have noticed that during the times of ambiguity, we start thinking bad thoughts. One spouse is not back home in time and not picking phone mostly the other fears an accident. The simple reasons like excess work, traffic jam, flat tire, drained phone battery etc won’t ever be on the top of the mind. Mind can not have those things in its list as mind has to play the game and a simple reason will not give mind any room to play. Sadly however strong one appears from outside, the mind still can be a pessimist in parts. The only way around is detach from mind.

I, and my mind are not the same. My thoughts does not mean the same as I. My thoughts are just a part of me, so are my dreams, my ideas, my relations with people and my behavior. I identify myself with anyone of these and I am in for trouble. Refrain to state “___ because that is how I am” more you say this, easier it becomes to believe this lie. Don't mean to suggest lacking consistency. Just to avoid stereo typing one self. Identifying oneself with any of the above causes confusion. It is just like having two hands with five fingers in each, but tying all with a string except thumb and index finger of dominant. Now how hurting that can be? And how foolish too?

Idea is to have instantaneous joy or sorrow but not build an account to carry it forward. When you detach from the mind, you will accept and enjoy the praise when you get it. You will accept and feel bad to be neglected or denounced. But only when that happens. Those moments are lived and when the moment is over it is over. The present moment is what we live always, neither past not future and that is all one needs to learn. On a self-analysis one may find that most troubles are manifested by mind wandering in past or future.

The quicksand will not bother you much during 'NOW'. Because ‘now’ is the oasis, there is no quicksand in here. The quicksand is just when you are jumping between past and future. The right way is from past to future is through the present. The present that lives, the present that is the only paved road. Past is a good teacher and future is a good motivator, but both should work towards a better NOW. That is the only right way.

One don’t have to wait to say no to mind only when it pushes to limits. ‘No’ can be said a lot before that. Just accept the feeling and stay present. If you want to learn from past, just think about a few very good things and a few very bad things that happened to you. Then tell yourself that all those things good or bad are over and now is here. The journey between ups and downs, triumphs and failures, joy and sorrow, that’s what life is. The reality is that nothings stays past its time. Every event comes and goes. When things are bad, stop thinking and sinking; just tell yourself, “It will pass, just like other things did” You don’t have to go crazy in quicksand. The quicksand of thought just needs one miracle that only you can perform. Just stay calm and tell yourself, “It will pass, no matter what.” Rest assured, that is how it will be; that is how it has been since the time. It always pass, no matter what. Just be calm and perform the miracle, “Hocus Pocus bad thoughts go away, No time for you, I have a busy day” this is what you may chant. I tried it and it feels so silly, silly enough to compel you think of a better line. That thought to a better line can be the miracle needed to be out of the quicksand. No harm trying.

My 6 year old always asks during any journey (long or short) “Papa, Are we there?” and I always reply, “No! We are never there, we are always here.” And the whole family laughs. I hope one day both my kids will know what I meant by that and use it during their personal journeys to avoid stepping into any quicksand.

कोई रहनुमा न था

Sharing my new poem, wrote it multiple weeks ago, and thought of posting. One of those rare times when I try to add some urdu words to my hindi flow. Knowing more than one language and not being a master on any is a blessing in it self . Will  be back soon with a more regular post


कोई रहनुमा न था 

चल तो रहे थे पर वहां रास्ता न था 

पूछने को भी तो कोई रहनुमा न था 

मंज़िल कहीं पे होगी  एक उम्मीद थी मगर 

किस ओर चले सोचने का हौसला न था 

पाँव के निशां से आबाद तो था सहरा 

मीलों तक मगर वहां कोई कारवां न था 

टूटी हुई कश्ती को भी हम कोसते मगर 

तूफ़ान में उसके सिवा कोई आशना न था 

शाम जाम कहकहे दोस्तों की महफ़िल 

बहाने थे बहलाने को, जशन का असल कोई फलसफा न था 

चल तो रहे थे पर वहां रास्ता न था 

पूछने को भी तो कोई रहनुमा न था 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Some meanings 

रहनुमा    Guide

आशना    Friend

फलसफा  Philosophy/ reason

सहरा       Desert

Note: Pictures clicked using Kodak MFT in feb 2017

3rd Serving from Back of my Notebook

I scribble things at the back of my notebook to keep me anchored during the storms encountered daily. Shared some of those in earlier few posts years ago …. Lines below, the 3rd set may speak to you for themselves as they spoke to me

~Life is usually passing outside your window in all its grace and beauty when you are looking at the ceiling to complain of its unfairness

~Work is extremely important and so is life, may be the later one a tad bit more

~Faith gives hope and losing hope shakes faith, such a close relation!

~Feeling helpless for long enough can make one hopeless; addressing the helplessness before losing hope is important

~Wish we judged people based on color of blood rather than color of skin

~Your behavior is the mold that your children’s life is shaped in

~Silence though a great virtue mostly, can sometimes becomes a crime, and that is when one MUST speak

~World is not as is, World is as One see with One's own eyes

~Cloudy skies are as beautiful as starry skies; it is not the sky; but how one sees make it beautiful or gloomy (same rule applies for many situations in life)

~Life is a batman movie with troubles playing 'the Joker', how much fun will it be to watch it if there was only batman and no villains in the movie?

~Good literature is what can propel you to a new reality

~Beware! Regularly fulfilled ‘Wants’ always learn to act and feel like ‘Needs’

~A true story teller never runs out of stories as long as a listener is there; A master story teller is that who always listens to own stories with awe

~Life offers you a blank page to write a story every day, it is up to you how original a story teller you are

~Originality can be confused as insanity, till enough people have comprehended one’s story

~Genius is the lunatic whose ideas got wider acceptance (Until I have sufficient acceptances the lunacy will continue J) 


Older from back of my Notebook....

http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2013/03/back-of-my-notebook.html

http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2014/10/morefrom-back-of-my-notebook.html

Almost a Cinderella Story

She was young and bright, probably the smartest child in her village. But misfortune doesn’t care about the strengths of one’s faculties. It may try to challenge that strength. Her’s was challenged at the young age of 14, when her father had a stroke. Her family spent all the savings they had to try and get him cured. The efforts helped him live a couple more years, but at the cost of them losing all the savings and the house they were in. When she was 15 she had to take a job as a janitor in the nearest town’s hospital that she once had dreamed of serving as a doctor.

Not only excellent at studies, she had been very committed and diligent too. She couldn’t be the doctor she wanted to be, but she sure served the patients in the hospital with nothing but complete dedication. She would spend long hours with the doctors and nurses curing the sick and the hurt. She would console the tired and concerned family members of the patients and comfort the patients with her uplifting stories and sunny demeanor. Not to mention she was the most popular person the hospital ever had in its staff.

When she was 20 and training to be a nurse while still doing her other staff duties, her life had to see yet another turn. The night was dark and cold and it was snowing very heavy. She was working in night shift. That night emergency was short of staff as some doctors and nurses couldn’t make it to the hospital due to the roads being blocked by snow. Around 1 AM she heard some commotion in the waiting area. It was a patient in his late twenties. He came to the  town for a dinner, and met with an accident while returning; the staff nurse told her. He had received bad wounds, especially the one on the forehead, which continued to bleed. He was losing consciousness while waiting for his turn to be taken in. We should take him in, she whispered. But the two doctors are attending other emergencies, so what can we do? The nurse responded. He may bleed to death, and I cannot let this happen, she replied.

Next minute she was pushing the guy on a wheel chair towards the triage room, along with a very reluctant nurse. A few minutes later, the guy was given some first aid, which helped stop the bleeding. The vitals were taken and things looked better. The doctor when returned, applauded her courage and mentioned that the wound was not too dangerous, but the loss of blood and the cold temperature could have been fatal if she had not shown presence of mind and taken initiative. Her nurse training was fast tracked and a 2 months later she was a proud nurse in the hospital.

Around the same time she received a note from the guy. He was son of a millionaire industrialist. Also his father’s run charity had a chain of hospitals for the underprivileged and he was the managing director of that charity. For her courage and zeal, he had offered her a job in one of his hospital. And in a few months he was so fond of her mannerism, her personality, her attitude and her knowledge that he proposed to marry her. A proposal she could not say no to.

A true Cinderella story. She held on to her courage when the fate showed her no mercy and the same courage made her the heiress of a big empire. Everyone was happy for her and the story of her courage and attitude was told in the small town she had lived as a child.

I knew her well as we had both gone to same school as kids. And I had witnessed her life changes very closely.

Few days ago I was travelling through the same small town and I stopped by the small coffee shop near the town square to meet an old coworker, and there she was, sitting on a corner table and sipping her coffee. How are you madam? I greeted. She looked at me and the polite smile turned into a wide grin at seeing a child hood friend. After the pleasantries were exchanged and pastries ordered, I asked her, “What are you doing these days?” I am studying medicine, soon to be a doctor she proudly said. Also I am back at my old job as a nurse in the same hospital. The last line surprised me, studying medicine was fine, but the heiress working as a nurse? I left him, she said reading on my face the question that was raising in my heart. What? Why? I asked, voice raised out of disbelief.

No don’t take me wrong, he is really a great guy. He did love me; but all the time we were together he never seem to remember what he married me for. But also he never forgot what my social and financial status was when we first met and neither did he let me forget it. I thought I married the guy who loved what I did and appreciated what I could become in future but in fact he married the hospital janitor who showed courage beyond compare. I like him a lot but it felt very odd as a janitor living in a palace wearing queen’s robes. So I decided to be what I always wanted to be, and to work to be that. And here I am, honestly no regrets.

No regrets, I could see that clear on her face. She was confident as ever. She was the true Cinderella, not the one that the prince would marry just because the shoe fits, but the one prince would see as his equal if not more.

For the prince, he is the one who lost in this story, he lost the one who had saved his life and the one who could save many more.

For me, I learnt a big lesson; in life whoever you meet or deal with, your family, your spouse, your friends, your coworkers, your children etc. Make sure that you always respect what they are capable of.

Epilogue: A few minutes after when I was seeing her off the coffee shop my friend and ex-coworker showed up. He was obviously late for our meeting, and his face gave signals of apology under the tired eyes. Who is she? He asked out of curiosity, and I told him the whole story. Oh, I see, Thanks. He said, to a surprised me, why thanks? Then he cleared, you see our software vendor was having trouble with his employees last year. We found that they were underpaid and unappreciated, however a high employee churn lead to him folding the business and we ended up directly hiring his entire team of coders. Higher salary and good benefits made those guys work wonders in first few months, but after one quarter performances started declining and now we are fearing even worse churn that our vendor had faced with this team. I was always wondering what went wrong, and came here to seek your counsel, but your Cinderella showed me the way. Now I know what went wrong and I think I can fix the problem. So Thanks, he chuckled. We both smiled. We both have learnt that Cinderella stories can teach good business too.