Zeal - The answer

I don't see the aggression in this team. Aggression is what we need to win. He went on with that speech. But the 2 first sentences had turned me off. I didn't even hear what he was saying. Next day I asked my parents to not enroll me for next season. And that was end of my game as a cricketer.

I was not bad at the game and could have played to help my team win, improved my skill and delivered what it takes to win. But I stopped as coach has asked for aggression and aggression was not my thing. I was committed but not aggressive. I feel I still miss the game. Who knows the game and my team might have missed me too. I was a good off spinner, there was no other in the team. I was below average with bat but was committed to improve. Improvement was slow and I didn't know why. But my coach explained "you need aggression to win" 

I was startled with that revelation, I didn’t have what it takes to win. I can be angry at times (even very angry). I am committed mostly to the cause I pick. I work hard but I cannot be aggressive.

Those words were etched in mind. You need aggression to win. Lack of aggression was considered same as lack of commitment. 

I could have been miserable for ever till I came across my dictionary, much later in life while I was preparing a presentation at work. Still the rhetoric of aggression needed for victory was very much in-vogue. I stumbled over the word ZEAL. And I knew I had my answer. My Nirvana. Be committed, be Zealous. Zeal and not aggression was needed to win.

Aggression makes mobs and Zeal makes teams (I told myself)

So my coach had a semantic problem. I was happy that all was not lost. I had in me what it takes to win. I had the zeal needed for the right cause, I would never have enough aggression but zeal would work for me as well.

But then I look around me, friends, family, coworkers, even little kids; everyone had learnt it from a similar coach. You need aggression to win. No aggression means no commitment which means no victory. I am not sure if I should just ignore my new found knowledge or just ignore it and live rest of my days trying (and failing) to achieve aggression and not focus on being zealous, which come more naturally?

While in the middle of my dilemma, I had this phone call with a nice kind lady many hours east of me. It was very early for me in the day and a little past mid-day for her. After the pleasantries were exchanged; and the cause at hand discussed; I had to either persuade her to my point of view or to get convinced by hers (or may be develop a 3^rd point of view collaborating between the two). Perfect team work scenario; but then the need to be Aggressive to Win took over her completely. She must have had a mentor like my coach. I felt attacked by a voice becoming shriller and tone switching between sarcastic and angry. I let my mind shut-off, as counter aggression by aggression is an option that I rarely used and never felt proud of using it (even when I have won). I excused myself with the pretext of gathering more data for her to consider. But instead built a case (documented with facts and different viewpoints). Eventually discovering that we both were right in parts, but wholly supporting one’s view point would have meant disaster. I prepared a solution and presented to the client. The cause won. I won with it, and so did she. The aggression however lost and the zeal to solve did win.

Lesson learnt-We both could have won if we had focused on solving the problem instead of winning. Aggression makes you always secure a win for yourself, strike a goal; but zeal will make you solve the problem at hand. Zeal states that you don’t win till you have solved the issue at hand.

Ask yourself (I asked myself and discovered some despicable moments) How many times you’ve been aggressive in the conversations, the discussions, the plans where zeal could have done trick in much better way without having to have any tensed muscles.

Next Steps change the vocabulary and more

ü                          Aggression to be replaced with Zeal

ü                        Aggressive should go and Zealous should be in

ü                       Compete is outdated Collaborate is the way to go

ü                      Don’t try to win or lose, work for the cause to win and you win automatically

ü                       Aggression can be infectious stand your Zeal and the cause instead of getting    infected

ü                     Listen to gather important points from other side rather than responding even when the discussion becomes an argument

ü                    Do it with Zeal

Live, play, work, socialize, party what ever you do; do it with Zeal, you will be one step closer to the ultimate.

मसरूफियत का आलम

I once wrote a note about priorities (http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2012/07/what-if-you-find-out-that-your.html ), but talking about something and following the same thing are very different. Years after I wrote that note, I have not seen much change in the way of thinking or doing. Being busy (or masroof -मसरूफ ) is what mostly I do.Many times keeping the health (Physical, spiritual and social health) as a priority #2. Self is ignored everyday for the sake of being busy, so below lines represents the dilemma, when one encounters one self some day?

मसरूफियत का आलम

खुद की ग़र कभी खुद से 

मुलाकात होगी 

सोचता हूँ कुछ इस तरह 

से बात होगी 

खुद को क्यूँ भुलाए रखा 

यह खुद से बताएँगे 

खुद की मसरूफियत के किस्से 

खुद को ही सुनाएंगे 

खुद के बहानों के खोखलेपन को 

खुद से ही महसूस कर 

खुद पे ही शर्मिंदा होंगे 

खुद की शर्मिन्दगी पर खुद ही 

मन में मुस्काएँगे 

खुद को इस कदर भुलाया 

है कब से, कि 

कभी खुद से रूबरू हो गए तो 

खुद को पहचानेंगे कैसे?

और खुद ने ग़र पहचान लिया तो,

नज़रें कैसे मिला पाएँगे?

4 Friends in a Jungle –Story Retold

Four friends are in a jungle. One checks if his shoes are tied well. Others ask, why was he doing that? The first one responds that if a tiger comes to hunt, he wants to be sure that he can run fast enough.

Do you think you can out run the tiger?

Who has to out run the tiger? I have to just out run one of you, he replies with a smile.

The story doesn’t end here…….

Move this scenario to competitive business space, 4 friends (organizations), all trying to outrun each other when “the tiger” (customer’s needs) is chasing them. The 1^st three will survive being just ahead of the other, but for the one who couldn’t stay ahead of the friends must “outrun the tiger”, or gets annihilated.  

The story doesn’t end here as well…………….

The tiger in our story has an appetite that is insatiable so after the last one of the 4 friends is devoured by the tiger, the race to outrun doesn’t end or even slows down, it is just the race to be better than the 3^rd position (as 3^rd is the new last). Usually there are more “friends” joining on the way. The tiger stays on the prowl.

The story still is not over………….

Few who actually outrun the Tiger, gain the Nirvana of the business. They stay good, respected by the Tiger. Until the new tiger (read next generation of consumer expectations) arrives in the Jungle.

And the story starts itself all over again…….'

Note: Resurrection allowed, if one is committed enough

The WORLD we see

“You know Sara has 5 toes in each foot, isn’t that amazing!”

This was the little angel all of 5 years old but he played as a big teacher, if anyone was interested in the learning.

I was sitting on the couch with my wife listening to some challenges, mostly some people not playing a healthy game.

It seems that either they do not understand, or do not care or may be just want to create trouble. My wife mentioned and I was nodding my head in affirmation. I had a few of those who fall in that category and it is always very difficult to deal with that kind, if losing temper is not one of the viable options.

I looked at her face, she was obviously upset and I wanted to say something that helps her but at the same time doesn’t sound too preachy. May be it is the perspective they carry, was all I could say. Obviously I myself was not convinced at that and surely she too couldn't really agree.

And then the little teacher walked in without a prior announcement, all excited and happy when he said “You know Sara has 5 toes in each foot, isn’t that amazing!”. As if he had not seen 5 toes on Sara but seen a baby dinosaur in the backyard.

I looked at my wife and we both smile.

The little angel is blessed with 6 toes on each foot. So his reality stood at having 6 toes as the standard. Perspective explained in a fraction of a moment by the little teacher. I hugged him, kissed his cheek, and offered; “do you want to count mine?” I was sure he will be amazed to see that even I have 5 on each, just like Sara; wasn’t that amazing?

World is not as is, World is as One see with One's own eyes. 

Note: We can accomplish a lot at work, home, society if we keep an open mind to respect (if not understand) the World others may see

REWIND IT?

They say when someone is tired, beyond a limit, physically, mentally or both; one tends to hallucinate.But I don’t; no I never do. 

I have been tired in all possible ways many times in life. Tired to an extent when each pore of the body aches and each nerve of the brain wants to give up. Rest doesn’t seem to be anywhere in sight. I have been in those moments more than once. Actually way more than once. And I never hallucinate. I have rather been very alert. So alert that I even remembered the names of all the angels and creatures I had met during times like that.

Like just 2 night backs; I was turning in my bed. It was late at night. I had a few weeks challenging life situation. Stayed away from the family and worked more than 20 hours a day on different priorities. It can very well exhaust a person. To add to this was jet lag having traveled to the other side of the globe. Now I returned home after that just to be greeted by a severe infection (Some co passenger passed it to me very generously without even letting me know)

So I was tired, sick and down with very high fever that night and not able to sleep. Looking outside the window; the light from the street lamp struggling with the curtain to get inside the warmth of the room. And the insensitive curtain unsuccessfully trying to stop it in frigid outdoors. While all that was playing I could see it. It appeared just some smoke as if a stray cloud has lost its way and came down to peek through the window.

In just a matter of seconds the frail cloud turned into a figure, almost a person with an aura around its body. And instead of being outside the window it was very much inside the room. And it spoke, without speaking and I could listen; without hearing.

Lately you have been thinking a lot about the past triumphs and the past mistakes. What all you did well and what all you could have done better. And your guardian angel sitting in the court above, got very moved by that thinking and negotiated a chance for you. The voice in my head continued. This is an extremely rare chance. Nothing to lose. You get to live your life again Everything can be same still better as you will know the mistakes you made last time and this time you can avoid them. All those wrong turns, you can avoid taking them knowing the consequences beforehand. Though the figure in front of me had a cloud like smoky appearance with no clear features, but I could see a faint smile on the face, again in my mind.

The smile continued as the words; only thing that this big opportunity demands from you is your affirmation. Remember when God decided on free will for the humans; it was clear that all the choices will be made by individuals. I knew freewill concept very well; it has been spoken as freewill, as theory or cause and effect, as what you reap is what you sow and in one word Karma.

Karma; I thought and my unwell, tired face loosened up. I could feel a smile building on my lips. I could see a million moments from my life passing in front of my eyes that I had made a mistake, taken a wrong turn.

Before I could even know, I heard a voice “NO” and that was me, saying No to the opportunity presented to me.

NO? Really? this is rarest of the rare chances, the voice in the mind reminded me. Still my answer is NO I replied, as someday I have told myself that, “There are no wrong turns, only the turns you take and the turns you don’t" #

I am what I am, based on the choices I made. I will be what I will be based on the choices I will make. And I have made a choice not to rewind my life. Even if I do, I will re-live all those mistakes. Journey of life is not a pursuit for perfection it is rather celebrating the imperfections one faces and doing the best with them. My mistakes have been my integral part, part of my being so no rewind for me. Forced to a rewind I will repeat all of those all over again.

In a fraction of a moment, the figure was gone, I didn’t even see it go or even fade away, just gone. In my mind I think I saw a faint smile before it left. It was for such a short period, that I am not sure if it was smile of appreciation or sarcasm or pity. But I may not care as even if it was a mistake to say No, it was my mistake, like the millions others that I have made throughout the journey of life. Mistakes that broke me and rebuilt me and mistakes that just made me what I am today.

See I told you I never Hallucinate. If I were; would I remember any of this and would any of this had made any sense? :)

# From the blogpost dated Apr 2013 http://nuancesofbeing.blogspot.com/2013/04/crossroads.html
NOTE: realized it after posting...this is my Century ...100 posts so far...Thanks for reading

Full Circle

“I am not doing this, because you can do it yourself. Come now take the soap and wash your hands, all by yourself. No; I am not going to help; I know you can do it.” I heard the voice from inside a public rest room at a highway gas station. There was a long line outside the rest room as it was occupied for a long time.

Must be someone one with a little child inside; I thought. Some people in the line showed annoyance at hearing that. I would have felt the same way if I didn’t have 2 little boys of my own. Still when there is a line outside and you have been in already for longer than usual; that is not the best time to teach discipline. But as a rule I will reserve making an opinion about the man inside till I see the whole thing (for instance the age and behavior of the child.) 

A few minutes later the man walked out with an apologetic grin on his face. “Sorry; he is very slow at this age and I don’t want to rush him.” He said; turning his head back in the bathroom while extending a hand inside and helped an old man with walking support step out very slowly. “He is 104 years old” the man continued, “and as much as I want to help him, I know letting him do his own things will keep him more active.” I looked at them as they walked slowly towards the small sandwich shop inside the gas station. 

I looked at my 5 year old whom I have to help in bathrooms and at times have similar conversations. So the man I saw was a good son or Son of an excellent dad who instilled such good character in his child that even above 60 years age is still strong. A good family. I looked at my kids and hoped, one day; they will hold on to the values that I and their mother try to teach.

Thanks, unknown father and son; I don’t know your name, but seeing you at the start of my trip made my whole journey pleasant. As long as there are families like you; there is hope in the world. Thanks for displaying that role reversal with such grace and honesty that it showed the full circle of life in that one moment.

I just observed......

I just observed......

The driveway outside of my house has a mind of its own, few days back we had a small get together in our house. Some friends came over and we needed the space on the driveway for them to park the cars. Ensuring minimum folks to use the visitor spots in the community. But the Driveway shrunk and could take only 2 cars, one on each side.

Yesterday when it snowed so heavy, and I started shoveling; the same Driveway stretched to become very long; almost endless. It sure has a mind of its own and it tries to test me with such acts…. And may be the road conspired with it by moving farther than usual.

I have experienced some other things in the life act the same way. They seem to have a mind of their own and that does not always is in sync with what I want. However good I think I treat them; I just observed …..