I just observed......

I just observed......

The driveway outside of my house has a mind of its own, few days back we had a small get together in our house. Some friends came over and we needed the space on the driveway for them to park the cars. Ensuring minimum folks to use the visitor spots in the community. But the Driveway shrunk and could take only 2 cars, one on each side.

Yesterday when it snowed so heavy, and I started shoveling; the same Driveway stretched to become very long; almost endless. It sure has a mind of its own and it tries to test me with such acts…. And may be the road conspired with it by moving farther than usual.

I have experienced some other things in the life act the same way. They seem to have a mind of their own and that does not always is in sync with what I want. However good I think I treat them; I just observed …..

Fidelity

Recently a very close friend of mine had a big decision to make in his life. And while discussing some things, the discussion zeroed down to one term; by far the most important virtue for a successful relation; Fidelity. We discussed and debated; Right and wrong, Good and Bad. And more we try to untangle this term the more we got tangled in it and then I said…

Fidelity is a very Personal Thing.

The definitions and boundaries are set individually. Society, family, culture and other such things do impact setting of those definitions and boundaries to some extent but not enough to make a sizeable impact to what one’s mind wants to set them at. And it is all fine as long as those definitions are set, boundaries drawn and one stays within. Over stepping occasionally and then coming back is seen as a victory rather than a fallacy.

All is good to that level. The challenge starts when you have people around you. Friends, family and above all your spouse. Boyfriend- Girlfriend, Live in partners or Married couples; one thing that they speak of is mutual trust and unfortunately fidelity is the measure of that trust. You may ask why that is a problem? Think about it; you have drawn your own boundaries and your partner has his or her own. There will be lines covering common areas; there will be lines crossing to cover a little here or there and then there will be lines that cover total uncharted territory for the other. It can go well into a domain very comfortably for one but the same domain for the other can be a big taboo as how the partner’s boundaries are drawn. Also there are situations when one partner redraws the boundaries to better match with other partner and they move along happily.

Have you ever witnessed a situation; when years down the line both reach the place where one has redrawn the line? The one who had redrawn stands well within the limits; proudly thinking and hoping that the partner for whom the boundary was redrawn would be feeling proud. But then the partner form whose sake the boundary was redrawn is easily, comfortably venturing out and enjoying it too? Not only that the same partner who had asked for that redrawing fails to remember that the other partner had drawn those boundaries purely in the name mutual respect. While that partner who has redrawn those boundaries; and is witnessing this from the other side with disbelief and even pain; is also getting blamed for being overly orthodox and exceedingly naive.  A simple statement at that time like; “this is how things should be, I don’t understand why you behave like this. Why can’t you see it as a normal thing like I do, like everyone else does?” appears no less than a death sentence. It is a death sentence as those boundaries define you as you are scratching them is like killing a part of you. Also it is always difficult to redraw an already redrawn boundary.

But no one is wrong here; no one to be blamed. Orthodox or open, faithful or infidel all these are very subjective. All these definitions are very personal. And so is the joy and the pain associated with them. All one can do is look at the situation and look at other things around it and see if it is worth moving on or it needs moving away and whatever that decision is just implement and go on. Pain and wounds heal with time and tending. Scars never leave, though they fade, if you give them enough undisturbed time.

Fidelity stays an extremely personal thing. So when you find someone whose boundaries are drawn similar to yours just stick with that person, and consider yourself lucky. Make sure that you walk together enough and you talk frequently enough so that if there is any redrawing needed that gets the same environment, as after that it is all what your mind decides.

After all Fidelity is a very Personal Thing. 

Creation And Destruction

Nature and Almighty had been really busy for a long time making a beautiful land scape. They filled it with colors and then with character, followed by creatures. The creatures once started the phase of creation became very hectic and tiresome. At some point when they both were tired and wanted to stretch their backs they looked at one the last things they had created. It was a human being. They had already given some higher intelligence to this creature and so they thought that while they rest, human can help carry the process of creation further.

Almighty then brought out a big tool box and gave it to the human and said, “Thou shalt get the power to create” (well, I just used that tone to create the dramatic effect for Almighty saying the words). Anyhow while the power of creation was granted, its twin must be given along with, the power of destruction.

Human was a little concerned at hearing about destruction being twin of creation and both being connected at the hip. Do not worry, nature smiled; the hammer and chisel have to break the stone to shape it into a sculpture so destruction and creation always go hand in hand. Then Nature and Almighty both left the human on its own with a few final words from almighty, “Thou shalt also get free will to create what you want to.” But remember you only bear the consequences of your creation; Nature added. Well that is what human will know later as a term called ‘Karma.’

Once left on its own, with power to create (and destroy) along with the big strength to free will human came into action. Creating the wheel and discovering fire and enrobing itself with leaves and then with clothes and so on, as we all know.

While all that was happening the connection and the constant tension between creation and destruction; the twins was obvious. But still intoxicated by this newly gained powers Human being was totally oblivious of that and did not even realize when the two had started building their own teams against each other.

Creation brought joy to her side and destruction picked sorrow. Then creation approached happiness and destruction picked anger. Understanding moved to the team of creation without even asking and conflict took side of destruction. Openness and closeness didn’t even choose they knew their obvious teams. Love tried to make peace between the two and was badly burnt by destruction and its teammate anger, love peeled off its burnt skin and that burnt skin became hate which quickly teamed with destruction while love remained on the side of creation. Lust and greed followed the destruction’s camp and charity holding compassion’s hand moved to creation’s side. Fear had seen the frightful face of destruction and hence joined its team. Bravery stayed as second nature to creation. The teams kept on growing bigger and bigger. Creation would take long time to create and destruction will destroy that in minutes.

The two who were supposed to be working in tandem had started working against each other, the emotional affiliations they had made became a bigger menace.

Fear that was tasked to alarm and keep alert (and Safe) became aggressive and started motivating to destroy in the name of saving self. Hate that was not even needed became so big that it crushed harmony under its own feet and reason under the other. Passion that had been a great ally of creation changed teams and started supporting destruction. Overall creation started coming to a standstill and all the energies were spent on saving what was created. Destruction slowly crept in through that gap and started using creative genius to make weapons in the name of tools to save what was created. Weapons that could protect if used rightly, but could damage gravely in wrong hands, so where destroying the weapons when they were created could have been an easy solution; creating more destructive weapons to counter the existing ones became the practice. Fear and hate fueled that need.

The controlled hand of an artist that uses chisel and hammer with great caution to shape the masterpiece out of a rock, became the ruthless hand of a monster blindly hammering and crushing the stone to pebbles.

How long will this continue? How long weapons to counter weapons will work? How long hate to counter hate will live? How long reason and harmony stay crushed under the feet of hate? How long love the primary force of creation be seen as a weakness?

Almighty and Nature, please take the free Will back. Please restore the balance between forces. Please make compassion, love, contentment, harmony and reason to prevail. Please put hate, greed, lust, differences to rest; they have already worked more than they should have.

Please restore peace and order of universe.

Amen!!!!

पत्थर सोच रहा. . . . . . . .!

At times you hear what the things in nature have to say. You don't hear them with your ears but with some deeper faculties. Sharing such a thought, can't explain how it was communicated to me but I can assure you that whenever you get to hear from a stone or a rock, it will not be too different from this poem below..... 

पत्थर सोच रहा बैठ कर, 

काश मैं भी कांच सा होता 

एक ठेस पे बिखरा करता 

फिर मुझे भी सहेजा जाता 

ठेस से बचाया जाता । 

टूटता नहीं, तभी तो रोज़ 

हज़ार ठोकर खाता हूँ  

दर्द तो मुझे भी होता ही है 

पर पत्थर हूँ; रो भी न पाता हूँ 

शापित है, सशक्त नहीं 

जो नहीं  टूटता है पत्थर 

काश मैं भी कांच सा होता 

पत्थर सोच रहा बैठ कर । 

Also the alchemist stone or पारस पत्थर as it is called in hindi has another such thought, but that for another day. 

Shaken not Stirred !

Watching many old and new James bond movies during later part of last decade of the past millennium, the thing that impressed a lot was how Bond will ask his drinks to be made. “Shaken not Stirred”

So impressed that I had even asked my Mango shakes to be “shaken not Stirred” in a bond like style; just to realize later that mango shake need to be shaken, stirred and blended thoroughly to be enjoyed. But when you are young and fresh out of college who cares how the shake tasted; all that matters is how stylish you looked and how stylish you talk.

However now in 2015, a few weeks ago, when I woke up I saw the news of an earthquake impacting North West of India. My family lives there so I was worried. I called my parents and few friends, and the common message I got was, “Yes, it shook really badly, but we are fine” and life went on. The concerned notes in the morning changed to jokes about the earthquake on Facebook and whatsapp before twilight. Because the earthquake shook that part, but didn’t damage any. The jokes also showed that there were no knowledge or concern of the hundreds who were impacted in other parts of the world due to the same earthquake. So many people I know were shaken but not Stirred by the event.

That is what we have become, things happen all around us. And we witness them, live them but more than experiencing and contributing we want to take selfies and report it on Social media. Things that should stir us to the core, doesn’t even stir us a bit. Shake us yes; but have stopped stirring us and now all of a sudden “Shaken not Stirred” in this context has lost all style for me.  I will tell you why…

Earthquake and other Natural Calamities: We read them in news, we might experience some of them. Those who loose we offer a prayer or at times a small token in charity. But we rarely offer a part of ourselves. We switch from that news to another on our desktops quickly. We don’t even think how such events can be survived well till of course something like that hits us and stir our life. But until that happens, we are just Shaken not stirred!

Global Warming; what can one do about the Natural calamities more than preparing; isn’t it? However many of these are just an outcome of Global warming. A phenomenon that no one else but our generation is responsible for. We read about it; we debate about it; we counter theories by other theories. We show (and even brag about) our knowledge on the subject. But very rare we make the lifestyle changes that can help. Even if 20% of the human population starts to adopt some measures to inflict less damage to the environment; this phenomenon can be slowed and hopefully reversed if more join. But we are happy about knowing rather than doing. We know the damage it can cause as many reports, Articles, movies show us the ugly face of this problem. All those really shake us. We remain “shaken not stirred” to act.

Terrorism: Global Warming is still a big phenomenon and would need millions of people to make life style changes and also will need many corporations to join hands in reducing the damage (environment above financial gain). Doable but tough. However Terrorism is just a man created menace. How many people will raise their hands in the support of terrorism? I can bet no one; even the terrorists state themselves to be “rebels” as they even know that what they are doing is bad and damaging the world so they try to justify their actions by calling themselves rebels or supporters of some faiths etc. We read the stories, we feel horror and sorrow reading those and then we move to our day jobs forgetting that millions in the world are living a life full of horrors at the hands of terrorists. We brand people based on religion, color, attire, region etc giving fuel to the terrorist’s propaganda. We could change our thinking and our actions and make some changes to this situation if not for now then at least for future generations. We could, only if those news of crimes against mankind could stir us enough to act; but we remain “shaken not Stirred”

Intolerance: One may say, what I can do. The terrorism is the act of those others. I am fine, my folks are fine, my friends and the ‘clan’ or ‘creed’ I belong to is good. It is those others who all those nasty things, they should be screened and kept under watch from early age to ensure that they are not radicalized. Sadly, we are not fine, we still are promoting the “us versus them” ideology. Which is fanning the fire of intolerance. Intolerance which is growing throughout the World. One can always see through one’s own eyes of belief and anything that is not clear to that eye is considered wrong, but if we open our arms and hearts a bit more we are not too different from those others. We are just afraid and that causes lack of trust and then lack of tolerance. At some point this intolerance results in a criminal act fanning the fire on multiple sides and getting into lockdown modes and eventually terrorism. Differences are necessary for survival and growth. The day we learn that lesson and teach that to our next generation, that acceptance will naturally put intolerance to sleep. A scholar once said “existence of I and You is the start of violence” so if we start living as We. WE a lot more tolerant option than I and YOU. However what is happening in the World is exactly opposite. We are teaching intolerance to counter intolerance. We are cocooning our next to their own shells, not seeing those shells as prisons that will crush them one day. We condemn intolerance when those other show it, as their acts do shake us, but we ignore our own words and acts as we remain “shaken not stirred”

Greed/Crime/ School Shootings: That is very much in your hand, tolerance is very personal thing. But hey if the neighbor is not tolerant than why should I be? That is the mind set many, rather most get into. But now look at something more personal, Greed. Easy to claim that one doesn’t have that vice. However Greed is not only what was traditionally defined, amassing goods, learning for the sake of bragging, having the need to have the latest gadget and many other such items are the modern greed indicators. This greed leads to dissatisfaction and results in people ending up committing crime. Again one can wash ones hands off clean with that. But think, this same greed is transferred to the next generation as the only heritage. Heritage of hoarding and bragging. And then same dissatisfaction appears compounded by lack of direction and leading to confusion and ends up in kids inflicting damage to themselves or to someone else. Increase in children committing suicides and incidents of school shootings. Gun –Control a very easy solution for many to minimize the damaging impact of such states of mind on the society; but for others Gun-Control is nothing more than a political debate. 5 year olds getting killed in a school by a twenty something man in cold blood. A man who might have been crazy and wanted to inflict damage, but he couldn’t have done that if he didn’t have that easy access to many automatic guns. Or the lunatic who kills people in the Movie Theater and then booby-tarps his apartment to inflict even more damage. He could not have done a lot unless he had easy access to guns and ammo. Such ghastly incidents that can shake anyone, and it does shake us. But we stay Shaken not Stirred (not enough to act)  

Ironically while I was writing this two things happened, first was heavy rains and flooding in southern part of India, not too difficult to pin the responsibility on global warming for the rain, and drains clogged with plastic for flooding. Second was the insane terrorist attack in Paris, killing 129 people, ugly terrorism at its ugliest.

I wonder if these do not stir us to action what will?

How long will we be shaken and not stirred?

Hope we are stirred before our planet is irreversibly damaged and our next generation deeply scarred! 

कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती हैं - बचपन के दोस्त

नानी के घर का बोला तो कुछ दिन तक याद वही रुकी रही, वैसे भी बचपन की यादें आ कर दिल में ठहर जाती है. तभी तो बेशकीमती होती है…एक और याद मेरे छुटपन के दोस्तों की 

कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती हैं 

जैसे छोटे छोटे दोस्तों के बड़े बड़े मंसूबे 

बैट और बॉल हाथ में थामे

पार्क के जंगले पे बैठ कर बांटते 

जागती आँखों के सपने । 

भेद नहीं कोई भाव नहीं, न ईर्षा न द्वेष 

हर जात रँग तबके वाले 

रंग बिरंगे दोस्त थे अपने ;

छोटे कद पर बड़े इरादे 

बड़े दिलो के बड़े बड़े वादे 

मिठाई मिले या डांट मम्मी की 

सब कुछ बांटे आधे आधे, 

आज चाह कर भी वह दिन न मिलते 

समय न मिलता, दिल न मिलते 

वो दोस्त, वो यादें, वो मंसूबे, वो इरादे

 

कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती हैं

जैसे कॉलेज के वो पहले दिन ..............

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कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती है - नानी का घर

एक और याद, एक और खज़ाना। … मेरे भाई और बहने शायद इन पंक्तियों में उस कल को देख सके जो अब बहुत बदल गया है…। ममेरे , चचेरे भाई और बहने कुछ जो बड़े होते होते बहुत बड़े हो गए और कुछ जो बहुत बड़े हो कर भी इतने बड़े नहीं हुए… उनकी याद में लिपटी हुई कुछ बातें…उम्मेीद है एक मुस्कान चेहरे पर लाएंगी.... मुझ से वो मुस्कान सांझी करना अगर हो सके तो । … इस के बाद कुछ दिन तक मै इसी खजाने से खेलूंगा … कुछ दिनों बाद फिर आऊंगा शायद और कुछ ले कर

वह बचपन वह बारिश वह स्वाद 

कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती है 

जैसे पुरानी गली में नानी का घर 

नानी से भी पुराना नानी का घर 

और घर से भी पुरानी, पुरानी गली 

हर किसी का हर किसी को जानना 

हर किसी का हर किसी को पूछना 

टूटती दीवारें सुनाती घर के इतिहास की गाथा 

वही कहानी हर जाने अनजाने से फिर फिर सुनना 

चरमराते दरवाजे के उस तरफ से 

पुरानी भव्यता को न देख के भी देखना 

रात छत पे, नवारी मंजो पर लेट कर 

तारों से और सारों से घंटो बतिआना 

बातों का फिर सपनों में बदलना और 

सपनो का बारिश की बूंदो से नम हो खुल जाना 

बूँदों को लांघ कर बिस्तर समेटना 

और खिलखिला के दौड़ना बरसाती की पनाह में 

बरसाती में फिर बातों से सपनो तक टहलना 

वो गली, वो घर, वो छत, वो बरसाती 

और बातों के स्वाद में घुली बारिश की मटमैली  महक 

कुछ चीज़ें बेशकीमती होती हैं 

जैसे छोटे छोटे दोस्तों के बड़े बड़े मंसूबे 

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