LockDown Drill

Monday was the Lockdown Drill* at my son’s school.

Lockdown drill a concept that I have never heard of till very recently. As a father I understand the need for preparedness for the safety of my child and all the children. I respect the schools for thinking and doing such drills. However I can never understand how a human being can become so vile that phenomenon like lock down drill become a necessity.

My son came back from school and asked me a question, “Papa is it true that someone can come to my school and kill children?” I was shocked to hear that, “No son, your school has safety programs and such a thing cannot happen.” I replied; not knowing what else to say. No parent can be rightly prepared for such a conversation. How can one tell one’s own children that the world is a horrid place these days? It is not the same beautiful and wonderful place that our generation inherited from our parents. Somewhere over the years it has been tainted at all levels. 

Sorry; I diverted from where I was; anyhow I wanted that difficult conversation to end but my son further asked, “the school in Connecticut was not safe where someone killed so many children?” My immediate reaction, “who told you about that school?” “My new friend from 4^th grade did.” “I don’t know about other places but I know your school is safe my son, don’t be scared.” I wanted to end the conversation. I know he always thinks about things deep and always have questions, and he remembers; I hope he forgets this. I don’t know if that makes me a bad parent; but honestly I am much unprepared to have a conversation like that with my children.

I am an old fashioned father who would rather talk about studies, sports, movies, books, any mischiefs he has done in school, any new game he has learnt and all that stuff. I can make plans like going to the mall, to the beach, to the zoo, visiting museums, libraries, fly kites, read story books and text books. I may run around playing with my children, Laughing, giggling, getting angry at them not having finished their food or homework or not having put their toys in the bin before going to bed. I want to tell them stories about giants and fairies and dwarfs and sailors and players and animals’ even wizards and witches living in strange places and kings and queens living in big palaces. I do not want to talk about someone crazy out there with a weapon trying to kill people or someone losing a friend or family to a war or a terrorist attack.

I want him to prepare for his homework and the school tests and even learn how to cook for himself. I want him to learn how to swim, how to make fire when camping, how to hold the cricket bat to play the right shots. I am talking to him about planting trees (we also have a small mango plant in a big clay pot that hopefully will become a tree in a year or two), about getting close to nature, about our role in improving the global warming situation. Good, easy talk and I think it is very useful. I don’t know how we can be back in a world where teaching these things should be enough and lock down drills are not needed.

My reaction that day was to divert his attention from that conversation by asking him to choose between a soccer game (him Vs. me) in the park or a trip to the mall where he and his younger brother can play in the play area. And I was praying that no one in his school tells him about the park in Chicago* or the Mall in Kenya*

I hope soon we are back in a world where lockdown drills are not needed. I hope for a world where kids can ride their bikes to the parks and country side and play games without their parents acting guards in the same way that I have done when I was a kid. I hope for a world where safety comes naturally and no preparedness is needed. I hope for a world where children can retain their innocence without the fear of them becoming vulnerable. I hope……

References:

*Lock Down Drill

wikipedia - Lockdown_drill

About.com Lockdown drill Article

Chicago Park

Yahoo- Chicago Park Shooting

Kenya Mall

Yahoo- Kenya Mall Seige

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockdown_drill

http://childparenting.about.com/od/healthsafety/g/What-Is-A-School-Lockdown-Drill.htm

http://news.yahoo.com/chicago-police-search-suspects-shooting-hurt-13-024559048.html

http://news.yahoo.com/one-day-many-dead-start-kenya-mall-siege-211427469.html

How was vacation?

How was your vacation? I have answered this question a few hundred times in last week. Mostly I answer, it was great or it was good or it was fun. But any of those answers don't do complete justice, I wished someone asking this question had hours of free time to really hear how the vacations were and I would love to tell. Below is a teaser, a collage of some snapshots on how the vacation was.

Snapshot 1 à

A journey, Many miles on a hilly road with sharp turns, narrow lanes, pot holes and steep inclines.  Sitting in the 3^rd row of a 7 seat SUV. There are 6 adults and 4 children in total in the car. Not packed at all, just comfortably cozy. From the back seat I am enjoying every minute, every turn, and every word that is spoken by any one. Even enjoying the occasional (and at times frequent) shocks caused due to the car moving through an unavoidable pothole or due to unplanned braking to allow the top speed incoming (and at times insane) vehicles to pass by. Enjoying because the 9 others with me make my family. My parents, my kids, my wife, my brother, my sister –in-law and my nephew and niece.  6 days of travelling, living in hotels, stopping at some ethnic road side joints to eat a meal or snacks or just a cup of tea. Those 6 days defined how serene and beautiful life can be.

Snapshot 2à

One restaurant, 4 friends meeting after many years. Their kids meeting each other for the 1^st time, but developing an instantaneous bond, as if the friendship was coded in their DNA. Their respective Spouses gelling so well, in spite of not knowing each other well in the past. And all 4 friends lost in the memories of the good old college days. Remembering past, discussing present and sharing future plans. Shedding off all the social and professional identities that they otherwise carry day in day out; in the name of being professionally successful. Laughing their hearts out, playing pranks like they used to do many years ago. Those 4 hours defined how innocent and wonderful life can be

Snapshot 3à

And then another friend and his family, different date, different place but similar experience. Lots of unrestricted fun and lots of uninhibited laughter. The time flew by, many hours and we didn’t even notice. Those uncounted hours defined how uninhibited and carefree life can be.

Snapshot 4à

Small roadside joint, no place to sit; standing with cousins and eating snacks that have been a favorite many years ago. Everyone extremely busy in their day today life but still making time for that rendezvous. Talking loud (that is family signature) and giggling about silly things that we once did as children. Those 90 minutes defined how simple yet marvelous life can be.

Snapshot 5à

Old house, almost in ruins, looking at the stairs, the rooms (whose roofs are giving in against the rain) and the corners. Thinking of the days many years ago when I was living in this house. Living those memories. Meeting with my uncle who has always been there and missing the two who no longer live there. The cousin who left the weak structure with the hope of finding better prospects outside and the aunt who had been the foundation of this structure for many years and who recently left this world for a better heavenly abode. Those 60 minutes defined how memorable life can be.

These and many more, small things yet too big to fill the heart, that is how the vacation back home was. Hundreds of instances making me feel blessed and grateful for what life is….

PS: I hope to share some details in the next posts. Like always it was awesome to be back with family and friend. There were some deeply cherished times and feelings that I would love to share, if my pen and my heart listen to each other J

Insensitive or Insane??

“Go home you Brats, if I see you on streets I will call the cops.” I heard a female screaming while I was stepping out of my community for an office dinner.  I turned back and by the time I reached the place the kids were all gone and she was sitting in her car with a victorious smile on her face. She really thinks she has won?

Just 10 minutes before this happened; I had stepped out of my house to walk to the dinner venue which was not too far from my house.  The first site was the little bikers. 8-10 kids all in the ages of 5-9 years riding their bicycles in the community. Our community which is a very safe, walled and gated complex and very kid friendly (well! usually). I walked few steps and they caught up with me, I could hear their voices. I kind of eves dropped on the conversations to know what they were talking about. I was obviously interested as my 6 year old son is a part of this group.

“What? you think earth is the first planet after Sun, NO YOU ARE SOOO WRONG, it is Mercury.” I could hear my son tease one of his friends. “No it is earth I don’t care where mercury is.” His friend replied. “That is because you may not know how to spell mercury.” One of the slightly older kids teased.

“Okay, all of us will name the planets together in the order of distance from Sun” the same kid commanded.  “Mercury, Venus, earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus Neptune.” They all screamed in chorus. “ Hey guys we missed the asteroid belt, so where is the asteroid belt?”  I could hear one of the kid say but then I was too far to recognize the voice. However the site of some happy kids riding their bikes and contrary to my thoughts having a very meaningful chat was so awesome that it lifted my spirits. I am going to narrate this to my wife and my friends, which was my instant thought. In this happy mood I reached close to the gate of the community when I heard the commotion and then the screams from this lady who was obviously annoyed at the kids. And to my surprise her annoyance was based on nothing but the fact that kids were playing.

I was getting late so I had to return to my dinner appointment but before that happened I called my wife and gave her a 1 minute version of the commotion and asked her to step out on Balcony to ensure that the kids are taken care of at the same time no feathers are roughed for the bird from the neighborhood flock.

Couple of hours later when I returned home,  I found that the lady had gone ballistic on the kids and the parents after I left. She totally ignored the fact that kids need to play and the fact that all the kids in the neighborhood were small and extremely well-mannered and ignored the fact that there are ‘drive carefully; children playing’ signs all over the community. She was just angry to see kids. Sadly we all parents found that it was not the first time she has done something like that. It has been her attitude in the past also. Some of the high-schoolers were smiling and remembering how the same lady had screamed on them when they were in the elementary school age for playing, running and screaming in the park and things like that which for most are naturally kid like things.

I also found that she had threatened some of the parents about dire consequences if kids are seen on the community street riding their bikes. No one could think what she meant by that, but after that episode she allegedly drove her car in the community a few times staring at the kids and the parents. So all that resulted in finally calling the cops to report the insane behavior. Which we all did.

The cop arrived spoke with all of us and calmed us down, cracking some jokes and pitying her for not being able to see the divine beauty in the playfulness of kids. Especially when they have been showing some great behavior like respecting the elders, taking care of kids younger than them, talking about solar system and other good things. I have seen them Stopping at anyone’s house to drink water obviously showing camaraderie beyond their age.

CASE DETAILS:

9 kids 5 years to 9 years of age,  various religions (Christian, Muslim, Hindu and Jew), hailing from all over the world (India, Pakistan, central Africa,  Eastern and western Europe, South America,)

Vs.

1 lady Mid Forties.(origin un-known, religion unknown as she doesn’t speak much with the neighbors)

VERDICT- Unclear if the lady was insensitive or plainly insane to miss the divine beauty of seeing children playing.

My 2 Cents to kids: Kids there will be mean and unfriendly people in the world who can’t stand the happiness and purity that you all symbolize. But you have to know, people like that are not too many. So do not be afraid. Our community has at least 150 adults living in and only one such person. Like one such person spoilt the game and mood for the whole community in the same way each one of you have power to lighten up the lives of hundreds of people. One other big lesson to learn;  when you grow up and be an adult, however good or bad your life situation is please remember this lady and this episode and use this as a beacon for what behavior is wrong and must be avoided. So now that you see there is a teaching that you can get from this lady’s behavior today (How NOT TO Behave) so you should be slightly thankful in your hearts and pray that she gets peace of mind so that she doesn’t get into this mood again.

Now what are you waiting for? Kick the stands up and ride your bikes and by the way did anyone answer where the Asteroid belt is?

UNCLUTTER

If you ask me one way of doing things in the right way in all aspects of life, My simple answer will be UN CLUTTER.

This may sound naive, too simplistic or even absurd. But I have tried it in many situations home, kids, school, work, relationship... Almost everywhere 

Many a times when I experience a sticky situation; this seems to be the solution.

I believe in this so much now that I started calling it my ‘Clean the Wardrobe’ theory.

We all have seen that with too many things in the wardrobe even if they are top brand, expensive or any ethnic way, still they make the wardrobe cluttered. Worse than that when you have lesser needed items occupying closet space, usually your more needed items will be lost or will be hard to find when they are required the most. So the only way is to unclutter. Get rid of the unwanted, stow away the lesser wanted and keep only the absolutely needed in the visible range. Even on that, ensure that the quantity of these is limited to the needed count, or close to that. One spare wheel for the 4 running on the road is always a good strategy (I have a spare wheel theory as well that helps me unclutter confidently, details may be some other day). I was so sure that this helps the wardrobe situation that I started observing the same in other areas of life and so far this has successfully applied to everything.

Apply that to the refrigerator, have you never noticed that the quality of your refrigerator contents is dependent on one thing that is, how you deal with your leftovers. If you didn't think of it before, try it now, no harm in trying, right? All you will see is either I was right in making that statement or I was not, nothing to lose, right?

If you agree then the solution is as simple as the problem, get rid of what is not needed. If you didn't eat it when it was fresh, the chances are you will not eat it when it gets old, so think before you pack the leftovers, do they need a space in fridge, or do they belong to the trash can. Not all should be thrown, but not all should be saved too. Save what is worth saving. Get rid of what is not. Get rid of the clutter. Or Simply ‘Unclutter.’ The beauty of it is that this simple solution fits everywhere, be it your closet, your refrigerator, your desk at work, your computer folders, your time, your vacation plans, your evenings, your family life, meetings, mail box, and what all you can think of. This can be one of the strongest and May be the least acknowledged theory that fits all management scenarios, from managing closet to managing time to life to anything else you think of. Have you ever over packed for a vacation, or build extra slides for an office presentation? If yes then I’m sure you know what I mean.

Are you a parent or a project manager, or may be both like me? You may already are starting to relate to your experiences to the power of a clutter free life.

Unclutter and release the power that was always there but buried under a pile of …Clutter.

Enjoy life "UNCLUTTERED" !!!

My Aunt

Ever since I started writing this blog; I never thought that I will write a Eulogy. But today some one close enough to heart (though Miles apart) left and made me write it.

She was an almost no body. All her life she stayed like that. She was born in an old 3 level brick house in late forties. One out of the 10 children that were born to same parents. Neither the youngest, nor the oldest, neither the smartest nor the dumbest, neither the best looking and nor the worst. She was there all the time, her presence never too imposing.

This day after more than 60 years she left the house she was born in forever.  And not only she left the house, she left the whole world and finally moved on. Everyone knows she went to heaven, not just because she was too good; but also because she had suffered enough over last many years and God being unprejudiced to everyone  cannot possibly take her away from her daily suffering to any suffering of any kind. She is surely somewhere very peaceful, sleeping on a silken bed with flowers neatly placed in vases around, and her head resting on the pillows filled with soft feathers. Because she deserves it; she deserves a peaceful sleep.

She was one of my aunts, my mother’s younger sister. I didn’t even know her well till I was in mid-twenties, in spite of meeting her every summer vacation and every winter vacation of my schooling years. And all thanks to her personality, she never appeared like a person that some would like to know a lot about. May be that was the reason that she stayed single all her life or may be the reason was her assumed Son (not adopted, just assumed that this kid was her son). In my mid-twenties I was working in that town and as that was the ancestral house where mom had grown up so I lived there with her and my uncle and her assumed son. Those years were the time when I really started knowing her. She had some strange behavior traits but deep inside she was extremely caring, especially for her assumed son. And also I started getting a good share of that care after a few months of being in that house. I still remember her referring to me as her elder son whom she could trust and depend upon. And as long as I was there I respected and loved her in the same way.

But that was almost 15 years ago. I last met her couple of years ago when she was weak, tired, extremely sick and thin like a fine layer of flesh on a skeleton. My heart cried, and I asked what has she done to her, with a smile she said that she will be fine. And then she thanked me for meeting her; “son, don’t know if I will see you again, but I am happy that you came to see me after so many years.” Were her last words while I was leaving. Now that I was planning my trip to India after two years, I was confident of proving her wrong, but she spun it around.

Sad thing she was very lonely for last many years. Suffering for years; almost alone. I wish there was some way to re-write her last few years. She was not a saint and not a social worker. She was just a common lady, with hopes, dreams, love, care and all that what makes a common person somewhat special for his or her loved ones. Sadly she didn’t have anyone whom she could impose her loving authority on. So one by one everyone moved on and she was left in that house, the same house where she was born.

Don’t know what to say, and don’t know if it will mean anything now, but I want to honestly tell you Raj Massi that I really missed you and always thought of you hoped and prayed for things to get better for you. Now that you are gone, I miss you more; knowing that I will not be able to hear your voice ever and so I think that I should have called you and spoken with you from time to time. But all that doesn’t mean anything now.

I remember one evening in Dalhousie (mid-eighties), when we were going for a dinner (don’t remember if it was called the Thandi sadak or Garam Sadak); you and three of us little boys, me my brother and your assumed son. All three of us were scared as it was dark, but all three of us were confident because you were with us.

Now that you are on your Journey all by yourself, I hope that you have that hand to hold which will take you to the right place safe and I hope that you rest well. You need it.

Miss you!!

कशम्कश

Another Poem don’t know why these words came to mind; not sure if it conveyed a part of the thoughts that translated into the words below!

ज़िन्दगी कशम्कश मुसल्सल 

फिर भी  दिखती हसीं  है 

जितना भी मिल जाये, लगे 

कुछ तो कमी है 

 तपती जमीं पे हों पैर नंगे तो,

आसमां की ओर देखूं 

चलूँ बादलों पे जब मै, लगे 

बादल भी जमीं हैं । 

ख्वाहिशें पीढ़ियों पहले से

दम निकालती रही 

हज़ार हासिल भी हों ग़र तो 

लाख और बनी हैं 

तेज़ी की चाह की  इजाद है 

जो जुम्बिश हो महसूस 

अपनी रफ़्तार से चलती गाड़ी  

कहाँ पटरी से हिली है?

ज़िन्दगी कशम्कश मुसल्सल 

फिर भी  दिखती हसीं है 

जितना भी मिल जाये, लगे 

कुछ तो कमी है 

TETRIS - the game of tiles

Note: Though I wrote the below piece but unlike my other writings, this was not my thought. This is my elder brother’s wisdom that I tried to pen down as I felt the power of his message and wanted to share. Thanks bhai; hope I did justice to the awesome thoughts that you had shared with me. Read and let me know. - Nikhil

If you were a school going kid in the eighties (or even nineties) I am sure you would have played the famous game of Tetris (The Tile matching video game). Tetris after it was first introduced in mid-eighties has travelled from computers to big video game consoles in the game parlors to the home TV game consoles to early age cell phones and various other hand held devices including the present day smart phones. After many years, many versions and millions of users Tetris still stays one of the top video games of all time. ß FACT

Think of an end-less play at the game of Tetris. All you do is move the tiles rotate them, flip them move them and make them fit well in to each other. The tiles varying in sizes and shapes and the appendages they have. Some easier to fit well and some not so easy and then there are those stubborn ones that will just not agree to adjust with the others and stay in a way that they edge out one of those unyielding extremities. Leaving behind those unfilled; open spaces. The art is to fit all those tiles in their right place, and when they do, the whole line dissolves thus leaving room for more and the game continues and continues the fun.

A never ending game of Tetris; this is how our brain functions. The tiles are replaced by the thoughts. Those, thoughts which bloom out of the prolific land of situations.  Thoughts; like the tiles come in various shapes and sizes and different feels to them.

The positive thoughts usually are easy to settle and fit well with the others in perfect harmony. Thus disappearing from the screen of being soon after they are settled, leaving room for more to be created and sent to the center stage where the game is being played every day and every moment. And then there are the odd ones, usually negative; disturbing thoughts, with annoying appendages. Even at times having sharp and damaging edges. Those edges disturb the harmony and stop the entire line from being settled and also make it difficult for the future positive thoughts to stabilize. No wonder these are commonly called the unsettling thoughts.

Bring the tetris image in mind again, the tiles are falling and settling and then comes this stubborn tile with a nasty edge that stuck out and then came a bunch of good easy to fit pieces, but that nasty edge ensured that the easy ones also do not fit right and leaves an open space; a void somewhere in the middle.  If you are a weak player then you will be upset with that edge and then with the void that before you know the space above will start filling with more pieces; even the not so difficult ones just piling up and not resolving. And more it piles up the less space and less time you get to adjust the next pieces and before you know the game is over.

However for a resilient player; one with the never say die attitude. The problem with one nasty edge just stays as one isolated problem. The player becomes more vigilant; more alert even aggressive to ensure that the void is not build and even if build, it stays close to the top ensuring that the pieces coming next are smoothened while the player waits for that rare moment; that rare piece and that super move when the rare piece will be made to fit on the void reconciling what was the nasty stubborn edge in the past.

Move back to the tetris played every moment in the mind. The same rules apply. One unresolved thought can stay as one unresolved thought as long as the mind stays alert to try and isolate the one nasty edge. At the same time ensuring that all the new situations are dealt with a heightened alertness never letting the void be pushed to the bottom and other edges to raise their nasty heads. And when you are vigilant enough and stay persistent with that alertness; that magic piece; that magic moment that magic solution comes which clears the deadlock, fills the void and puts you back in the game which is enjoyable and challenging.

Having in a deadlock lately letting the space above be filled with new ugly edges that could have been resolved relatively easily; I started the day waiting for the space to be filled up and I play the victim of situation (not even knowing what was happening). And then I received the divine voice through my brother. Who just shared his Tetris vs thoughts concept with me as a thing he had been pondering on. Little did he know the power that his idea gave me; in showing me the situation that I was pulling myself in. the idea had immense power; especially when he said “when you start playing it wrong very quickly you rush to the sign saying -game Over.’’

I looked in my mind at that nasty situation edging its ugly head out and then the other not so important items that had grown into edges and voids just gaining strength from that one nasty item. And that is when I felt very close to the Game Over sign. But the good news; when you acknowledge the problem it becomes easier to resolve it. Though I have not been able to clear most of the edges and voids form past few days since this morning, but there have been no new ones that I let develop today. Now I feel confident and alert and playing with a clear mind. Those magic pieces and magic moments and magic moves are somewhere in the game to come, all I have do is to keep the game going till all those are brought upon to me.

Think and believe it or not the game of Tetris is going on in the mind, the sooner you acknowledge and start consciously playing, the higher is the chance to win. And believe me conscious play makes it so much fun.

PS: Big Brother there is a reason that you are “the Big Brother” and you give the proof of the same when you float ideas and thoughts so potent yet you state them in such matter of fact way that it is pure Zen!!!