अगर ........ (If only.....)

At times I am stuck in small stuff so much that I become oblivious of the big picture. And then some times I miss the target and think that it was the small stuff adherence causing it? Tried to sum that feeling below!!!!

मैं तो काबिल था की गुम्बद का सितारा बनता 

पर अगर नीव के मेख़ में ना उलझा होता

तूने जो चाँद दिखाने की कोशिश की 

देखता  चाँद का हुस्न भी अगर

तेरी ऊँगली के ख़म को ना टोका होता

जिंदगी आ के दर पे दस्तक देती थी

किवाड़ खोल के उसको गले लगाता  जो

नंगे पाव को गीले फर्श ने ना रोका होता 

Adieu Teacher

A fresh Engineering Graduate with a good academic history, and inflated with hope given by professors, friends and family was scared. He knew that life was not as easy as painted by many. And he knew that he was not all that good as his academic records say or as his parents think. Soon his fears started becoming reality. He was not getting his dream job. He stopped dreaming. He was seeing failure on the horizon and he stopped hoping. He wanted someone to guide him. But there was no one as friends would always say one thing, “Don’t worry man! You will live and remember you are not the only one.” And parents always said, “No need to worry, you are the best so you will get the best out of life.”

He was getting jeers, sympathy, preaching and all other things that he didn’t want. The only thing that he needed was advice on what to do; how to manage his self. How could he prove to everyone that his recent bad behavior was due to his bad situation? That was when his father gifted him a book; a book that his father has not read himself.

He opened the pages and started reading, the more he read the better it got. And then he came to a page that read, “Our behavior is a function of our decisions and not our conditions.” And the page that said ‘Responsibility’ is the ability to choose response. And he was sold to the idea. He changed, as the book has shown him that he had the power in him to be responsible, to choose his response.

He didn’t become a totally different person, but he started taking ownership of his behavior and his surroundings and things eventually improved.

Now 16 years later he is doing way better in his life both professionally and personally, than what he thought he could. The lines from that book and many others that he had read after that are stored in the folds of his brain to resurface when needed.

He owes a lot to that book. And the news that the author of the book died in an accident, sadden him. He wanted to meet the author and say thanks in person. But then he realized that with millions of copies sold of just that one book (and many more books and articles and lectures) how many lives the author must have touched and improved. The best way to thank a coach is to play a great game out there, and so I will.

Adieu teacher, Dr. Stephen Covey. You will be missed. Many thanks for the gifts that you have left in the form of books and articles that will benefit people for generations. I am sure now, like always there are many men and women out there unsure about what they should do and your words will stand beacon to them like they have been for me for last 16 years.

PS: The book was “7 Habits of Highly effective people” and after that it was “Principle Centered Leadership” and “First Things First” that help me shape things in my life

Prioritize priorities!!!

“What if you find out that your priorities are all set wrong?” his words hit me like a thunderbolt. I don’t even know his name. He must be at least 80 years old. We are members of same gym and I have seen him many a times on the floor. And even exchanged greeting nods a few times; but we never spoke. Yesterday when I was standing near the barbell and thinking of picking it up he came from the other side and he wanted the small step stool from behind my barbell bench. I helped him in getting that and that’s where the conversation started.

“Do you come to gym daily?” He asked

“No, but I have been trying to be regular on the weekends at least.” I replied

“Do you have kids?” he asked

“Yes 2 boys, older close to 6 and younger just turned 2”

“Is your wife regular in gym?”

“No she is typically once a month schedule, at an average.” I smiled

“Tell her it is important. You know I met this cyclist a few days back, who was in excellent shape. And I asked him if he workout regularly. He said he does cycle for at least 1 hour daily and then goes to gym at least 4 days a week. When I suggested that I am struggling on how to work around the other priorities like family, work, and social obligation etc to make time for this? And he replied ‘what if you find out that your priorities are all set wrong?’ And that made me think.” He just re-lived the whole conversation without waiting for me to react. And he continued.

He continued talking, but my ears were shut to hear any word after that, my mind was replaying the line again and again; “What if you find out that your priorities are all set wrong?” It flashed to me that my priorities were certainly not aligned right. And then another line flashed in my mind, “secure your oxygen mask first before you help anyone needing assistance…” Common wisdom retold as soon as you board any flight.

In order to fulfill anything at work, home, with kids, wife, parents, and society even my own dreams, I must be there 100%. Bad health, chronic (or acute) ailments and all the related things that bad health brings, make sure that I am anything but 100%.  So, good health should be kept even before priority number one. And then another statement dug itself out from the million folds of memory. A line that my parents used to say when I was a kid and they even say it now, “पहला सुख निरोगी काया read as Pehla sukh nirogi kaya” (Bliss starts with a healthy body). Well I have been hearing things like this for many years but could never relate to them. May be I never wanted to. But now all this not only make sense, but also seems the most important thing to do. And now it flashed, that healthy body is the beginning of bliss as body is the door to all experience. And one can be doing good for family or kids or office only if one is healthy, fit and 100%. One with oxygen mask secured 1^st will ensure that he or she doesn’t pass out due to lack of oxygen before even completing assistance to others.

Setting my priorities right is the top priority for me this week. And my friend from gym, I don’t know his name and I don’t know why he spoke to me in the first place. But I know for sure that he had valuable information to share with me that day and a valuable lesson to teach. (When the student is ready The Teacher appears) I will ask him for his name when next time we meet on the floor; so that when I am his age and sharing this lesson with someone at my current age; I will be able to ascertain that his legacy continues.

But for whoever reading this, my family, my friends you all know that for the most part your priorities need some shaping up too. I hope I won’t forget what I have learnt and stick to this regimen. And I hope many years later we do talk about this day and feel good about this decision. Stay Healthy!!

सपना और उधेष्य

सपने वैकल्पिक हो सकते है

उधेष्य अनिवार्य हुआ करता है

सपना उधेष्य जब बन जाये तो 

उसका विकल्प नहीं होता |

हो चाहे जैसी भी राह

विश्वास वही जो थमना न जाने 

अनदेखे कल से डर, हो जड़ जो

वो संकल्प नहीं होता ||

The Weather; the Coffee and all that Life is!!

“You enjoy the weather and the coffee.” She said from the other side of the phone. “Well ! Of course,” was my response. The weather had been very hot lately and today unexpectedly it rained for a couple hours. It rained enough to wash and drench the whole city. Now the coffee; I am a big fan of strong coffee from Starbucks. I had asked a friend of mine to bring me a large mug of coffee while returning from lunch. As I was busy with the work today that I didn’t get time  for lunch. The other thing that I loved was cooler temperatures and just before this rain it was above 100 degree Fahrenheit for last few days, this rain just cooled it down to high seventies. However the weather forecast says that this cooling was short lived, it will reach back to 100 later in the day. 

Still at this moment it was mid seventies outside so it was worth enjoying. When I thought about it again, I couldn’t help but smile. It was mid seventies OUTSIDE. Inside the office it was the same, 70 degree as always. I stopped working for a while and moved towards the other side of the floor, the side that had the huge glass wall from where I could see outside. The roads outside were wet and the trees had appear washed and rejuvenated with the rain. It actually looked lot more pleasant outside than usual. So it really is a reason to enjoy, though the fact is that nothing changed for me due to this rain. I am still in the same chair, doing the same work, under the same cold 70 degree set air-conditioning, thanks to the excellent air-conditioning in the office building. I thought of my friend who works just down the street and who has a sliding door window in his office room. I am sure he will be sitting on his chair with that window open at this moment, smelling the freshness or the air and hearing to the sweet melody of the rain. He might be even singing in chorus with the trees and the birds who just had this big relief from the heat.

So now I am happy, enjoying, though the truth is that nothing changed for me. Just the scene outside the glass wall changed. The Screen Saver on the big screen of the outside world changed. I can not feel the drop in outside temperature as I never felt the heat outside as well. I know the flowers and the leaves and the grass are more fragrant now as the soot is washed off them and the heat is taken out, still I can not smell that fragrance sitting in here. The rain drops falling on the glass on the other side of this glass wall must be creating a melodious symphony, but my ears are deaf to that melody, thanks to the sound proof glass windows of the office. So nothing changed and still I am happier. May be from the data bank at the back of my mind, I experienced it all. My mind played an old memory which made me feel the rain on my temples. It made me smell the fragrant, freshly washed trees and flowers. It made me tap my foot to the melodious raindrop symphony. It made me sing in chorus with the birds outside. I could feel the joy making my face glow and making me enjoy everything around me, even the work that had been quite frustratingly challenging for last few days, and of course the coffee, my warm and sweet cup of Starbucks.

The rain is over and it will be even hotter (and humid) when I step out of this office later in the day. I know that, I even know I will not like stepping out in that kind heat, just a few hours from now. Even after I know all this I am happy for something that happened out there. This all makes me think, it is never the weather or the situation, not even the coffee, it is always the perception that changes the things. I could have made my self upset thinking that things are getting so good outside and I am stuck with my computer and my chair and the crazy work in this situation.

It is same as watching a movie where good wins over evil in the end, and some people move out of the theater inspired and feeling that what ever evils are there in the life eventually the good in me will win over it. The other bunch of people walks out of the same movie cursing their fate that if it could happen right for the guy in the movie why is it not happening for me? And both of them are right.

When ever I am gripped with any similar thoughts, they always end up in the same understanding.

“Things do not change; the perception does. The life states are always the same, the way we see life, changes the way we live it. And the way we live in turn changes the way we see. And this whole changes the way we are and the way we are changes the way we live.”

 The power is never out there, it is always in here. When ever I reach to this conclusion, that is when ever I think about similar things, I feel really empowered. The flip side of it is that I loose all my excuses when I feel this way. If I have the power to change things for myself and for people around me, then I am in control. And when I am in control then I own what ever happens. Good or bad, what ever happens is my ownership. Now this in turn puts everything off hook. The weather, the people, the seasons, the work, the health, the relations, the love, the hate, the success, and the failure everything becomes secondary. Everything is either a life situation or an outcome of my actions and my decisions or may be both. But which ever way I see it, I am the one to be credited for all good and I am the one to be blamed for all wrong.

With power come the responsibility and this is the age old fact. I can not change it, no one can. And thinking again and again leads to discovering again and again the same fact, that my life is always my responsibility. I am free to choose my response and my life and hence I am responsible for my life. And not only that I am some bit responsible for the life of everybody around me. I pose many a time as a stimulus for people and make them choose their acts, similarly as the people around me make me choose my act.

Above all I am significantly responsible for her, and she for me.

“Who is she?” “Is that what you just asked?” Did you miss the start? She is the one who made me think with her one small comment. Read again the 1^st line the opening line of this whole thought chain. It all started with her “You enjoy the weather and the coffee” comment. She is my wife, my other half (mostly my better half  or not so much better at times same as I am for her.) All I want now is to share this page with her and see how she responds? She is equally responsible for her life, my life, our life. She shares the power and hence the responsibility. I did enjoy the rain and the weather without feeling it directly because I shared it with her, or rather because she shared it with me when she asked me to enjoy it. And I chose to enjoy when I was asked to do so. Happiness is easy to get, if one wants to get it. Isn’t it?

Between Dream and Reality

Note: We all dream and dreams however weird they may appear at times, still come from somewhere. Read the brief rendezvous with a situation and decide if this is real or unreal and think what if your definition of real needed an amend. if you like this then I will share some similar experiences!!

-Nikhil

Soaked with sweat, and panting for breath, he opened his eyes, it was dark, the bright light was nowhere, the dangerous creatures were gone and the noise was nowhere to be heard, it must have been a dream. He gulped down a few big sips of water and wiped some sweat off his forehead. Still he was not able to believe that all it was just a dream, it all looked so real. The way he was being chased by the monsters and the way his family was standing there at a distance watching terrified, the faces white with horror. The heads changing on the same bodies, one moment it was his mother the next it was his brother and immediately next the college professor and after a while it was his uncle who died a few years back. What was it? His heart was beating fast and he was trying to understand if all that was real or is this real thing and that was just a dream. “Are you all right?” she asked, he looked at her. This was his wife sleeping by his side, obviously disturbed by his sudden waking up and obviously concerned about his condition. “Yes, I am fine; I guess I had a bad dream.” He replied. “You should drink water before you sleep and pray before you step in bed, so you will not have these bad dreams.” She sounded like a granny. “You and your ideas,” he smiled and kissed her forehead, so it was just a dream and this is reality, he assured himself and closed his eyes.

There he was in front of the inferno again.  The monsters were back and looked as dangerous as before. The terrified crowd of people he knew had some new faces now and all of a sudden one of them jumped out of the crowd and started walking towards him, laughing somewhat dangerously. So you thinking of that cozy bed and that loving wife, dreaming again, isn’t it? “No!” he shouted and fought to get himself released from the paws of the beast and ran. The fire from the ferocious mouth of the beast brushed his back and burnt some flesh but in a few seconds he was a lot away from that scene. He was running at his top speed and wanting to flee as fast as possible. The next moment there was his best friend running besides him, “Don’t you think you are in this alone, I am with you.” He said and smiled, his smile turned from friendly to cunning and in a few moments he was none other than the same face who had jumped out of the crowd and mocked him sometime back. He was running, sweat trickling down his forehead, his legs aching. He didn’t seem to want to save his life, he just wanted to be away. He searched his pockets while running and there was a dagger in his back pocket, he pulled it out (surprised at seeing a dagger in his pocekt) and threatened the one on his side, “Leave me now or I may seriously harm you.” And the next moment he was stabbed by his co-runner in the gut, he had not seen the big blade in the other guys hand before, he was bleeding from the cut. The pain was so much, the guy who stabbed him was laughing. It was cruel very cruel.

“What’s wrong?” she was saying as she was looking at his sweat soaked face. He was on the bed. His wife was appeared so worried now. “He stabbed me, I tried to run but I could not outrun him.” He said with a concerned voice. “You must be dreaming again.” She said, he smiled, “I guess you are right, I must have been.”

“You must have been what?” he asked very brutally. “Were you dreaming again? Dreaming about the same comfortable life? Why is it that poor you always get pain and dream of comfort?” mocking sarcasm was obvious in the question.

This is so wrong, one of these two is real and the other is a dream. Both of them can’t be true, both of them can’t be real. One of them has to be real and other one is a dream, but which one.

“But which one is real?” He asked this very loud. “Both of them are both, dream and reality. Each one of these is real in one space and dream in another. These two do not exist at same time and place but these two do exist.” The answer came from his right hand side, he turned his face and was surprised to as the bed appeared way fluffier than usual, more cloud like and his wife was not there anymore, it seemed that the bed was extended all teh way till he could see. “No don’t be afraid you are not dead, and death is not to be afraid of as well.” The same voice was continuing. “You can take me to be your friend, or yourself. As with your habit of identifying people with names you would need to tag me with one so you chose which one. Anyhow; you were in a million dilemmas you were given this movie to watch, that is you at different times in different domains, and the only consistent part is your entity and not your identity.

See clearly and tell me what you look like in either of those places.” He was surprised to acknowledge for the first time that he didn’t see any face or body attached to his entity in either of the scenes. “But I can swear I was there at both the places. I saw myself there.” “Think again, did you see yourself or you felt your presence?” the voice asked. “Well I …. I felt my presence.” He replied. “But what is the point?” He could not see the speaker but felt its presence and felt that it was smiling as well, and then he heard, “That’s the whole point; things do not stay as they are. Good or bad, they change. Life is not just what you see yourself living and living is not all what life is. There is more to it in every direction. A dream is as real as the reality and the reality is as much an illusion as a dream, the mind bends towards convenience and chooses to call it a dream or a reality, in the end both dream and reality is the same and both do exist. The intent should be to be free from the minds choice of words and live the dream and the reality both with full appreciation. If you understand this then it would not matter a whole lot and if this confuses you then also it does not matter a whole lot. Either way the things will go on. The moments of various universes in various space and time is what it is. You are just an entity in the one of the universe and you have the cosmos in you. Many a universe, and many of the time planes and space planes. The best is to accept it and not try to understand.”

Maybe he understood what he should have accepted may be he didn’t may be he didn’t even try or maybe before he could even hear this; he had already moved to chasing the yellow furry tree and the tree for whatever reason was running and screaming like a terrified animal and he tried to ask to no one in particular, “Where am I? is this a dream?” but all he heard was a beast’s howl, because this time he was the beast chasing the furry tree, and the furry tree hoping for the dream to end !!!!

 

Emotional Adhesion

Goodbyes are not my forte, they have never been. I have always been very clumsy and pathetic in saying goodbye. I think I know the reason behind my being that way. Honestly, it is a very scientific one.  I have named it Emotional Adhesion. Let me attempt to explain how this is scientific; stronger the adhesive bond between any two things the more difficult it gets to separate them; and any forced (unavoidable) separation would result in some tear; so the bond will not come out clean, it would rather be Clumsy. Same principle of Adhesion applies here. I have strong Emotional Adhesion properties. I get attached to people (it is always due to the fact that people are wonderful, God’s best creation. And everyone is so unique and so loaded with exclusive qualities, that the attachment becomes obvious.)

Like all the fingers in the same hand have different sizes similarly all the bonds one develops do not have same strength. However in my case even the weak ones are bonded well enough to cause the rip at separation. And the person whom today is the day to say goodbye is one of the stronger ones. May be in my professional circles the person I am talking about is one of the strongest if not the strongest of the bonds.

It has been many years since we are working together and without going into the Org-Chart details, I would say that he has been a mentor and at times a beacon. With his admirable traits of building relationships, being fun, strategic thinking (even in most difficult of the times), carrying a very long fuse in terms of his temper and caring for his people even when he is not making it obvious. He has mostly been a role model. 

Not that he has always been right (in my eyes). We had disagreements at times and I had openly confronted him in group and in person, and he had kept channels open for such confrontation. So that was another learning received through association with him. His career growth over last few years had been excellent, but all that was expected based on his qualities.

Anyhow today is the day to say goodbye to him, and I as usual will have no courage to say it, especially not face to face. May appear like a weakness but it isn’t. It is strength; Strong Emotional Adhesion is developed out of this inherent strength. It is the strength that enables to develop a strong bond; emotional adhesion!

Strength, weakness, being naïve, impractical or whatever this is phenomenon may be referred to as, I don’t care today. Today I am sad that a good friend and a mentor is moving away. I am certain that he will be successful, because that is how he is. And there will be people benefiting from his association in the new location. So in the big scheme of things this is happening for good. But still I will not try and gather courage for face to face goodbye. So here it is;

All the best my friend; you know who you are. And so-long; till we meet again!!!