SAY CHEESE !!!!!

Life is a wonderful journey. A new adventure begins every moment. At times we are so bothered about meeting the ends that we miss the beauty that unfolds in the moments.

Right in the middle of a very busy work month I have been feeling extremely exhausted and somewhat hopeless about things around. It has been office work for 70 hours every week and things to be taken care of at home.    The bigger challenge I face is the feel of guilt on not have enough time spent with kids towards their growth, their play, their learning or anything that they like doing with me. At times I end up getting irritated at the things and complain about the kids being too noisy or too picky or not listening etc. It all appears a spiral maze with no way out.

Since I said “Kids”, so let me introduce my boys. A five and a half years old “big brother” and a 20 Months old “kid brother.” Both of them are very adorable with their angelic faces and mischievous eyes. Needless to say I love them, who wouldn’t? Still with the stress I get annoyed with them.

This weekend had been no different. Friday evening and Saturday whole day went running one errand after the other; attempting to balance work, home, kids and everything else.  Now comes Sunday; frustrating to think that weekend is almost over. We are going out to buy groceries. The list is on the whiteboard in the kitchen. As a habit I will click a picture of the list with my phone camera to carry that with me. I looked for my phone; and then I saw my sons struggling over the possession of the phone to play. And I was annoyed seeing this. The whole stress of the weekend got concentrated in that one moment. “But; I will not scream at them.” I thought and grabbed my phone from their struggling hands, giving an icy look to them. Then slowly walked to the white board and switched the camera on. Still angry, controlling myself and still about to lose my cool, I raised camera to click the picture and then there were 2 pairs of small hands each one hugging my either legs and the little one gurgled,     “Chey Cheeejjj ” (Say Cheese) in his semi-legible speech. Being blessed by two little angels melted all the stress away.

All three of us laughed. I laughed because I was touched by angels, “Big Brother” laughed because the little one sounded really cute and funny and the “kid brother” laughed because everyone else was laughing. I knelt down and hugged them back.

Few hours later we returned from grocery shopping; tired and not too happy about more errands to run. I looked at my two sons; both wanted the TV remote; older one to play his favorite channel and the younger one for no apparent reason except the fact that big brother wants it so it must be a good to have thing. I looked at them and unlike the usual upset at witnessing such a thing; I picked my Phone; smiled and said loud the words that have been cleansing my soul for last many hours “SAY CHEESE!”

Absolutely Clueless

“The World is so unjust and where has all the decency gone.” I heard her say; she must have been in her fifties. Immaculately dressed lady in a group of 5 women; all of them in the same age group. She had been my co-passenger on a recent flight from Florida to Washington DC. Now standing in the “re-booking” line for United and saying these words.

“I am surprised that they missed the flight” another co-passenger commented with a chuckle. We all in the flight knew that they will.

Flash back to 30 minutes ago. The flight landed at the airport later than scheduled. There must have been more than 150 passengers in the cabin as the flight was full. As it touched down the air hostess announced that people with no connections to remain seated and let the passengers with connections deplane first to make sure that no one misses a connection.  Most of the people in the flight followed these instructions and stay seated.

I was on the absolute last seat of the flight so I could see this whole story unfold. A few minutes passed with most of the people left the plane only last 7-8 rows left. People with connections; as everybody thought; had left the plane earlier and only then rest of the passengers had started leaving. Now with final few passengers left; this group of ladies who had been sitting all the time got up and our lady in the lead said, “I can’t believe that no one gave us way; what is wrong with the people?.” I looked at them with disbelief (and I was not the only one doing that; everyone left in the plane joined me in that) They didn’t even stand up earlier for anyone to know that they may have a connection and now they were just a few minutes away from catching their next flight. Getting angry and voicing opinions about the unjust world and disrespectful people they got off the plane. And our lady in the lead made sure that she complains to the plane crew in detail about that before anyone on their group could leave.  Everyone in the plane knew, that very moment that they will miss the flight

Flash forward t; the group is grumbling to everyone about the unjust they have been subjected to. And anyone who had witnessed this whole episode some time back in the plane had just one question in their mind, “if they had a plane to catch why didn’t they stand up in the first place while other passengers with connecting flight plans where leaving. May be they assumed that people will know. But How?” I know this appears stupid, why would anyone assume something like this?

It has been almost a whole day and I am thinking; were they really being stupid? Don’t we all do this everyday? Not saying things to our family, Coworkers, supervisors, subordinates, store clerks and so on and always assuming that they will figure out what we need. And also we mostly get annoyed at them for not being able to understand. I have done that often. Am I being stupid? I don’t know the answer but I know those 5 ladies were there, in that flight for a purpose. And that purpose is served.

तुम उड़ने की आस न छोड़ो (Tum Udne ki aas na choro)

तुम उड़ने की आस न छोड़ो 

                                                                निखिल डोगरा 

पंख भी उगेंगे इन कन्धों पे 

तुम उड़ने की आस न छोड़ो

जब तक वो सच ना हो जाएँ 

तब तक उनको थामे रहना 

होते है नाज़ुक बड़े सपने 

तुम सपनो का हाथ ना छोड़ो 

डरने वाले को और डराओ 

रीत यही चली दुनिया की 

लाख डराना चाहे कोई 

तुम हिम्मत का साथ ना छोड़ो 

तुम खुद के मालिक हो खुद ही 

या फिर वो मालिक है जो सब का 

अपनी मेह्नत पे रखो भरोसा

तुम किस्मत पे बात ना छोड़ो 

छूना चाहो जब भी नभ को 

भले लगो तब पागल जग को 

बाहें फैलाओ आँखे मूंदो

और अपना विश्वास न छोड़ो

पंख भी उगेंगे इन कन्धों पे 

तुम उड़ने की आस ना छोड़ो 

बुनकर की दुविधा (bunkar ki duvidha)

बुनकर की दुविधा

                                निखिल डोगरा

धागे उलझे उलझे से हैं 

कैसे जीवन बुन पाऊंगा 

दिन, सालों, युगों में भी शायद

इनको न सुलझा पाऊंगा

उलझी तारें बुन कर देखा 

किनती गिरह बन जाती है

लाख बांधे, खींचे , तोड़े

पर तागों में तन जाती है

कैसे साफ़ बुना जाये अब

जीवन का सतरंगा बाना 

सोच रहा बुनकर नैराश्य 

कितना कठिन इन्हे सुलझाना 

धागे विकट या बुनकर अक्षम  

कारण जो भी बतलाऊंगा

फिर भी कैसे यह बेढब ओढ़न 

अपने बच्चों  को ओढ़ाउंगा 

New Day

NOTE: This is the first time in my Blog that Aseem is introduced. Aseem is a person I know really well. I started using his name in some of my writings, and continued relating to Aseem so closely that he is becoming a second self........

Aseem looked outside the window. He could see the few cars on the big 4 lane road, shining under the Sun as they passed through his eyes at a slow speed. The Sun was bright and the whole road appeared washed in the Sunlight. Bright and Clean. In the cold January winter evening, this was a very welcome sight. Aseem smiled to himself. The Gloomy evening wet and cold with freezing rain was just yesterday. “God never ceases to amuse us,” he thought “Or may be God likes to amuse its Godly self by changing so many colors in the landscapes.”  He felt a certain happiness seeing such brightness, certain joy that the gloomy yesterday was gone.

Aseem looked around inside the room. Everyone in the group was working on their computers. The whole group of dedicated (and some not so dedicated ) professionals, working to accomplish a common task, reach a common goal on the same day. Deadline! That’s what they call it. He was somehow not very enthusiastic about the term “deadline”, he always felt as if somebody had taken the challenge out of the term and replaced it with fear. He would rather call it the target achievement date. Target achievement Date, the term, that has the essence of the challenge and the zeal to achieve, in it.

The Sun rises after the damp days and brightens up everything, dries the sorrows and light ups the moods. The life moves on and gets brighter after all the storms. Aseem could never understand how this all works in the big scheme of things, all he was sure about was that nothing is ever final. It is all a cycle. Long back he had heard, and heard it many a times that a real human is the one who never get too happy in “good weather” and never too sad in “bad weather”. As a child he had always tried to negate this theory and from his books and his discussions with the people, he tried to find reasons to oppose this theory. All his life he has been looking for the reasons against the theory, reasons in his words, in his actions in his thoughts. But today after all those years he was finding another face of the theory, another way to look at the theory. The wise from the past were not talking of not being happy or sad at the moment when happiness or sorrows come, they were rather talking of not carrying the feeling with you, living the feeling and leaving it with the moment. The wise knew that the change is inevitable; things never stay the way they are. Nature likes to amuse us all and to amuse itself with these changes from day to night.

The team was still in the middle of their ever important work. They did not appear very happy as the tools and the techniques kept on failing. The target date (most still had the deadline mindset) was coming near. The results seem difficult to achieve. They were all committed yet not hopeful. Aseem looked at their faces and smiled, “Don’t loose heart friends.” He said loud. Every one started looking towards him. “In the large scheme of things, this all has to be done and we all have to do it,” he continued. “We can do it only if we give our best effort and we can not give our best effort or any thing near that if we loose heart.” He smiled after having said that, he knew that what he has said is a cliché a common thing to say and these days such words are used so much that they have lost not only their power but also their meaning.

“You all will realize this thing soon, and you all will forget it too, just to realize it all over again at a different time,” he murmured to himself, “at least that is what always happens to me,” he was in his dreamy self again. Loose hope and loose heart and think of giving up and reach to that edge where it all seems to be over and then all of a sudden just a moment before that final giving up, rejuvenate, reincarnate, re-live and that too with a force much stronger than ever, vigor much intense than ever. This is what Aseem had always experienced. He had this same feeling so much that he had almost started looking forward to the bad times, the ‘almost gone’ scenarios and he had always emerged out as a better human.

The past so vivid in his mind, all the times when he was on the end of the road, the new turn was facing him. All the time when he was at the edge of the cliff, either the cliff extended into bridge connecting to the next hill or he got wings to fly off. The future was so unsure yet so certain. He was sure that one day he will do what he has always dreamt of because that was what he was sent on this earth in the first place. That is the reason why God never let him down in the end. God was in his favor always, and the problems or the almost given up scenarios were God’s way to amuse Aseem or to amuse God it self. Aseem smiled again.

“Why are you so happy, we are still no where near completion on this tuning of values and we have to have some results by tomorrow? You being the lead engineer on this project, you should be crying, yelling and may be screaming at us, instead you are smiling!” One of his team mates who were his good friend too exclaimed.

“Well, yes, you are right,” Aseem answered, “you are right, if we are failing, but the way I see it we are not. We will have this tuning done and done by the target date.” The looks on his team mates faces were of obvious disbelief, “How can Aseem be so naïve” they were all thinking. Aseem almost read the thought and stepped closer to the computer, thinking about the past tasks he had been working on two years back. He quickly changed some values on the sheet and hit the apply changes button, all his team mates didn’t seem to be very happy seeing him doing the things in such a way, usually termed as unscientific way in their business. Aseem gave a reassuring look to them as he spoke, “I think this is the same problem that I faced long back in a previous project, however it was with a totally different set of parameters on an older technology, but still physics didn’t change with the new technologies coming in to the market. And my gut feel is that this will at least give us some direction towards the solution, if not the solution itself.” They looked back; those who had worked with Aseem in the past knew that he always give a lot respect to the intuitive ideas of his own and of others so they looked at him with a mix of doubt and confidence in their eyes.

It took a few minutes for the system to generate the output arrays, and when the arrays were generated they appeared to be much closer to desired. They all took the resultant arrays and started reviewing it. Every one found some short comings and a great need for improvement. However the changes had given them the right direction towards the solution as thought. They were all full of energy now talking, discussing, laughing, working, getting results. The damp weather was over. It was bright and sunny inside the room too. Aseem looked outside the window again. And then towards the sky, the place all the rays, all the brightness was coming from. He smiled again and murmured, “You have done it again, I don’t know how much you like doing this again and again, but I hope you never get bored of doing this. Thanks a lot.” As he finished saying this, there was a bright ray of light, reflected from a car down below on the road, landing right in his eyes and he knew that his gratitude has been acknowledged. Things will be done well; in the end everything will be fine. Resurrection is promised in Holy Scriptures for all religions he had known or studied so that must be a universally accepted notion. One and the same thing, life goes on; something makes it go on always. Night is always dark but is always followed by the day. Nature is cyclic by default. And the day always brings new hope, new life, committing that life resurrects promising the New day.

Ghalib's masterstrokes

I was reading some of Ghalib's work and though he is without doubt the Best. No words to say how I feel about his work and especially some portions....
Sharing some of the lines from various ghazals... Hope you enjoy them as much as I do.....

तेरे वादे पर जिए हम, तो यह जान झूठ जाना 

कि ख़ुशी से मर न जाते, अगर ऐतबार होता !

यह कहाँ की दोस्ती है, कि बने हैं दोस्त नासे

कोई चारासाज होता कोई ग़म-ख्वार  होता!

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हुआ जब ग़म से य़ू बेहिस तो ग़म क्या सर के कटने का 

न होता ग़र जुदा तन से तो ज़ानो पर पड़ा होता 

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ता फिर न इंतज़ार में नींद आये उम्र भर

आने के एहद कर गए, आये जो ख्वाब में 

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अपनी हस्ती ही से हो जो भी हो,

आगाही ग़र नहीं ग़फलत ही सही 

ANGEL

I looked at his face and he smiled. A bond was established with that one smile. He must have been just a few months old and that is all I know about him. I don’t know his name and I am not sure if angels do have any names. I don’t know his religion and again I don’t know what religion angels follow. I know that he is God’s own creation, an angel and that is all what I can tell about his family. You don’t talk to strangers in mall when they are passing by even if they are carrying an angel in their lap. The social norms don’t advocate such actions. But the society of angels has very simple rules and very simple rituals. They Smile if they feel good, they cry when they feel bad. They scream when not fed or when not dry. They laugh and giggle whenever they want. And above all they are happy most of the times and they don’t keep grudges. They don’t cry for past and they never anticipate future. They just display an emotion for what is there in the present.

There is a story in Indian subcontinent about two saints. When these two saints met each other they didn’t speak, they just looked at each other for hours. They kept on looking towards each other and that was it, People were surprised that how could these two communicate without talking, without uttering even a single word. Some say that they communicated telepathically and some say that their brains were in sync. I think that these two being enlightened two people had nothing to talk about. We generally talk to discover or to share the discovery. When one understands the ultimate truth then there is no need for any communication. So these kinds of people communicate with the normal people. With the people, who need to learn something. The people who need to know the truth.

The communication is like water flowing from one height to another; but with same height between the two points; the water just stays connected throughout and doesn’t flow. Or may be an enlightened person is like a mirror, reflecting the light. You go to that person with a question and he will reflect back an answer to you. I read a small Zen poet’s verse.

“When asked he answered

 No Question no answer

Then the master must not have

Any thing in his mind”

This is how enlightened souls are. They don’t speak without reason. “When asked he answered.” They keep quite otherwise “No question no answer:” They don’t keep any past memories or any future plans or any thing, they don’t dwell on ideas, they don’t keep grudges, they don’t even teach without asking. Their mind is empty. They practically convert themselves into mirrors. Reflecting what ever they see or what ever is incident on them. They have the knowledge and they don’t hold on to it. Because they know that it is eternal and omnipresent. The truth of the moment is always there and is always changing and is always available for any one who wants it. So they don’t hold it at all. The truth is the light and they are the reflectors; reflecting that truth to the seekers when ever asked for. So these two saints didn’t speak because when you place two mirrors in from of each other you don’t see any image.

With all this I know I am a lot deviated from my little angel who gave me a divine smile in the mall. But the discussion was important as the angels are like these saints. They are pure. They are mirrors. They live in the moment. They reflect the light. They don’t hold any grudge, they don’t remember the past and they don’t plan for the future. They truly live in the moment.

We all are born angels. And the process that we call as growing up is nothing but the process of corruption of soul. We keep on depositing sooth and dust on the mirror which we all are born with. Most of the religions believe that innocence of a child is Godly and children are closer to God. The babies descend from heaven and are delivered to humans on earth. At that time the angelic infancy is alive which starts getting corrupted. The politics, various faiths, racism, money, fear, ego, lust and so many other entities contribute towards the corruption of the souls. This corruption is nothing but moving away from God. Ego is the reason. But those days of infancy are the days when the wings and halo is clearly visible to loving eyes.

I moved away, thinking about that angelic smile. Thinking about the new angel in town. Thinking about the fresh one from the heaven. And there was some thing so godly in that smile that I could feel some dust getting shed off from my mirror. I could feel the appearance of a cleaner image. I smiled. Closed my eyes thought about the little angel once again and I could not help but smile. I was standing there smiling. My heart was floating as if I am in air. May be a little light can start moving one closer to the unadulterated self again and thus one feels lighter and floats in ether. I saw the old couple looking at me from a distance. May be they were my age when I was in the age of the little angel. I sent a smile targeted towards them and bowed my head a bit. They smiled back. May be some dust was shed off from their mirrors to. I was feeling much happier and much lighter as I moved back.

The whole mall seems to be happier than before. May be the little angel has done the miracle. I was happy and I was greeting everyone who was passing by. Most of them smiled back. It was smile revolution in making here. I moved out in the parking lot and as I was turning keys in my car door, I heard a giggle. There was him, the little angel in his mother’s lap again. He looked at me and giggled. The angel was happy. Another Giggle; congratulating me on my success. I laughed, bowed my head and whispered, “Little angel, please count me in; I am ready for my innocence to be revived, I am ready to follow your lead O little angel. I am ready to start the smile chain. I am ready for the dirt to be removed and to become the mirror again. Can you please send my message  to your community?” He giggled as if he was telling me that they are counting me in.